i have days where
i don’t smile
my tears fall
like raindrops
my voice breaks
everytime i try to talk
only seeking comfort
in my dreams
it’s impossible to
cheer me up
spending a whole day in bed
my thoughts are hidden
just curled up in the dark
i have days
where i'm just in a dark place

*(s.m)

this storm have been raging
inside me for several years
i can force a smile and a laugh
but no one knows how hard
nor how painful all this is
i’m choking on my tears
and all the pain i feel inside
doesn’t seem to have an end
the weather outside is terrible
i haven’t seen the sun for years

*(s.m)

when i wake up in the morning
i feel the ache in my chest
i know i must get out of bed
but instead i just sit on the edge
of my bed starring out into nothing
hearing my brain scream
that i need to get up and get ready
i also hear my dad yelling that i need
to get up if i don’t wanna be late
part of me really doesn’t care
but the other part is taking over
and somehow i get up and
drag myself to the shower
i also drag myself out in the car
waiting for the very last minut
before i leave the driveway
i go all day trying to act like
i’m doing okay and i’ve actually
slept through the night
which i haven’t done in quite a while
when i go to bed in the evening
i feel the ache in my whole body
i scream silently and i shed
lonely silent tears as i fall asleep

*(s.m)

my father broke my heart
before any guy ever had a chance
it’s hard to trust someone
and to let people in
not because you are scared
that they will break your heart
because part of you know they will
i mean, that’s what you’ve grown up with, right?
but also because you don’t wanna
risk that chance of hurting yourself
you’ve learned to protect yourself
by distancing people from you
it’s the easy way out, but also
the safest for yourself

*(s.m)

I don't know how to tell you I'm broken
without feeling needy

I don't know how to open up
without feeling judged

I don't know how to cry
when my tears feel like acid

I just need you to see that I'm hurting
without me telling you
because my words are bleeding out
of my mouth, waiting for you
to stitch me up and make me fine
although I know that's not your job

today
i feel weak and small
invisible and forgettable
unimportant and worthless
today
my brain is so full
i can hardly speak
and hardly breathe
today*
battling my mind
fighting the pain
hurt in my body
crying acid tears
trying to survive

today is just like any other day

*(s.m)

today
i feel weak and small
today
small problems become big
my brain is so full
i can hardly speak
today*
i’m batteling my mind
fighting the pain
trying to survive
with teary eyes
and an aching heart

*(s.m)