I am not a daisy yet your words cut me down.
Neither am I a rusty bucket, yet my eyes pour out.
My throat is pained with the words that refuse to come through, can't you see?
I am broken, and here I cry out in need of help.
Help me, I lied, I am not okay. I am not fine.
Life is a daily struggle, a horrible one of mine.
I need someone, it used to be you, don't you remember?
Now I have no one. No one indeed.
My hands have not ceased their shaking, my heart, quickly palpitating.
What is this called? This place I am alone in? Hell? Purgatory?
My soul is damaged, please leave me be.

they say i'm an insane crazy person
you would be too if you've seen what I've seen
death is my friend
ill be with him till the end
I flew with angels
and fought with demons
every day my heart feels like its bleeding
I try to escape this world i'm in
you can see it these words how morbid it is
I laugh in the face of death not only because it doesn't faze me
its my friend even
they say im evil but don't take me the wrong way
i'll take a walk with god and have a talk with the devil both in the same day
maybe that's why it hurts so much
so conflicted inside my mind up in a bunch
I'm an angel and a demon you decide which you see
you'll know your choice the moment you look inside of me.

I'll be dancing in the street
with flowers in my hair and
without a care until the sun
stops shining and the earth
stops turning. I'll be writing
words forever until my hand
aches and my fingertips bleed
and I have nothing else to say.
I'll be sitting in my room
sipping tea while it's too hot,
with one ear bud in ignoring
the world for hours and hours
because I can, the world is
beautiful that way.
My scratches on paper with
my no. 2 pencil will continue
to mean nothing to society
and everything to me
furthermore but will never
disable me.
I'll be missing when they
look for me, fret none for
I get lost in words.

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

Can you tell me when?
                    What dear?
When will being yourself be easier that suicide? And don't
call me dear.
                   Well, let's not talk about that, sit and eat your breakfast.
If not now, then when??
                   Be still, girl, and when you finish, go comb your hair.
Would you rather I end my own life than to stop pretending to be something I am not?
                  You now that's not what I mean. And you aren't pretending, you are just being silly. I put some more lip gloss in your purse. The pastor called, he wants to read you some scripters later. And your dad is going to take you shopping for some girlier clothes, those are horrid. Have you seen that nice boy who lives across the street, you should try to get to know him. You two would make some pretty kids. And-

Can you all just.. stop. Maybe it will be clearer when I'm not here for you to accept who I am..
                Be quiet, young lady. Pass the butter.
But I am not a lady..
And at that she laughed and reached across my plate and got the butter. She had to spread it with a spoon because she thought all the knives were missing, but if she listened closely she could have heard the clinging noise they made under my bed.

You kissed me with your eyes open
because you said you could only believe
what could be seen.
I kissed you with my eyes closed
because I told you that sight does
not come from the eyes but with
knowledge from the heart.