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Liam Handy Oct 2018
What a cliche title.
Somebody's Calling to Me.
What does that even mean?
Hey guys, look, someone's trying to talk to me.

Why does that matter
Why does life matter
Who am I
What am I doing
God, why am I like this

Why can't I recognize that when someone is calling me
I should pick up
Or if someone wants a picture with me
I should join in
Or if someone loves me
I should love them back

How many people have I ruined?
Am I one of those people?
How can I fix it?

There's a beauty in being upset.
Being so full of yourself
And full of your own emotion
That when you look at someone else
You don't see them
You see yourself

Being upset with yourself is selfish.
Time for me to move on. I have someone to care for.
Liam Handy Jul 2018
I was out back fishing, in a pond behind my parents' house.
I caught a fish, a sizeable one for the location, and you were on my mind.
I brought it home, to our apartment, and kept it in a freezer in our tiny bedroom.
We kissed, and I felt apart of you.

It was our plan to have a family gathering, in the downstairs area of our affordable home.
Around 50 people or so.
It would be a tight fit, but we knew what we wanted.
The morning of the reunion, I returned to my parents' home and fished, this time with a couple of people I can't remember.

I kept imagining you speaking to me, about killing yourself.
I knew this was irrational, you'd never do that to me.
I tried another pond this time, and caught the biggest fish I'd ever caught there.
I took it home, you on my mind, thinking about how impressed you'd be.

I was late, arrived just as people were showing up.
I greeted everyone, had some laughs, and went back out to get the fish from the car.
Time slowed as I opened the door to our once joyful bedroom.
Years could've gone by, decades maybe.
I can't explain how I felt.
That moment when you feel your heart stop, almost as if you should die, but don't.

There, my love, my heart, my only care in the world, lay in the corner, lifeless.
I didn't see how you did it.
I didn't care.
I couldn't move.

I had to go downstairs, and somehow, using my last bit of breath, screamed that you'd died.

It was so surreal.
It was so... real.
The tears, this horrible feeling in my chest, as though my heart was too dead to beat.

Some time later, I argued with you.
I walked around my parents' neighborhood, like we used to do when we were kids.
You were there, walking along with me. I couldn't see you, but I could feel you.
And I could hear you.

I asked why, so many times.
You kept giving me reason after reason, and I kept arguing every single claim you gave me.
I've never felt anything like that before.
I've never been so lost for words when explaining emotion.
I think it was something new.

I felt like I was dead. It felt like you were alive.

Then you said you loved me.
The words rang through my mind, playing over and over again.
I love you, Liam.
I... I love you, Eve.

And you were gone.
And I screamed, and screamed, and screamed.

And then I woke up.
15 again.
I rolled over, checked my phone:
Eve - Good morning dear

And I've never been so relieved.
I can't explain what I felt. This is as close as I can get. Eve, when you read this, I can't tell you how much I love you. I can't tell you how emotional I am now. I can't wait to see you, every day.
Liam Handy Jul 2018
Do cars feel pain?
Is it possible
To look at a car,
And determine, based on how it sits
If it's aching?

Is it possible
To look at a person,
And determine, based on how they stand
If they're upset?

Cars hide emotion.
Some may see an angry face
When staring down a coupé,
But it never shows it's true colors.

People hide emotion.
Some may hear angry yelling
When walking past a garden,
But that person is truly broken.

Eventually, every car breaks down.
And after a while, it will show it's emotion
And it will open up to the elements
And the mercy of mother nature.

Eventually, every person breaks.
After a while, they will show their colors
And they will open up to someone
And their gavels of judgement.

Once a car is broken down,
It shows it's emotion
And is forever eternal in that way.

Once a person is broken,
They show their emotion
But may be nudged
The right way.
Liam Handy Dec 2017
I'm stuck in a loop.

Endless similarity between days after days
Not ever seeing a glimpse of change.
Life itself is a coin
going down a spiral wishing well.

Round and round; accelerating back to it's former position over and over again
inching forward in time.

Until it may meet the end.
Yet... Something's different now.
My coin has escaped the well.
How has it eluded the innevitable?
Something must be wrong.

What's happening?

Someone sits next to me now.
I don't know them. But I like change.
Change is good, I think.
Who is this person?
Not sure I want to know.
Or do I?
She seems interesting, yet I know not should I introduce myself.

The coin rolls across the floor.

Someone sits next to me still.
I love her so much.
I've loved before... Or so I thought.
An unfathomable amount of longing fills me.
All the time I wish to be near her.

The coin stops.

Her spark gives me light.
I feel it burning.
Is this good?

There's another coin next to mine now.
I reach for my own
When I brush someone else's hand.
A nervous smile sits on their face.
She points to something
Another coin well on the other side of the room.

I'm here now.
She's in my arms.
She reaches up to my chest
I look down at her loving eyes
She puts a coin in my pocket.
Never thought I'd be writing again.
Liam Handy Apr 2016
I used to talk to someone
Someone I've known
Someone I'd hang out with on a nice Sunday evening
Someone whom I could trust
And now I've seen a completely different side
Someone who I could love
Not enough to love
but enough to say hello
and talk to about problems
when she had her own
she still listened
secretly wanting to hug me and kiss me
and I knew
but I felt differently
I only wanted a friend.

She accepted as it was
my horrible choice I had made
And now I know this
but can do nothing
for she ended her life with me
and left this forsaken town
to live with her others
in a place too far away,
she never knew,
I loved her too.

All I can achieve now
is endlessly
sinking into my own mind
trying to calculate
what I could've done
to love her truly.
But my exhausted brain
can't find an answer
and thus
I am sinking into the Earth
trying to swim to her.
I fell into a pit of quicksand made of regret
Liam Handy Apr 2016
love is what most want
than why do people fight?
they could just love
love how the trees move in the wind
love how the animals love nature
but instead

we are caught up
in a spiderweb
of lies
people acting different around others
to impress

but if we just
take the time to love
everything would be different
but without love
the world would turn to...

*what it is now.
  Apr 2016 Liam Handy
And you felt every moment of it. He arrived like the night, creeping up to you slowly, to take you into his arms, to embrace you, to tell you it's going to be calm and to tell you it's time to sleep. He shadowed over your figure in bed, he whispered in your ear, his breath like the night breeze touching your hair, his fingers like the moonlight lighting up your ****** features.

But you forgot some things about the night too. How his eyes darkened, how the night was supposed to make you feel scared and alone. How you felt him stand up from the bed, how he slipped right out of your hold, how you suddenly felt the lonely chill like it gets much colder as dawn draws nearer.

And the moment you opened your eyes to the light, you watched him go. He left like night, but your day wasn't bright. You squinted through the sunlight, to see him slowly fade away. It felt like you were on the poles of the earth, waiting for the moon to come around again, getting sick of the sun. It felt all so wrong, to be soaked in the sun but to feel the cold biting at your skin.

The night was all just a dream; the day is nothing but a reality. And to wake up to the exact second where the borderline of the night and day or dream and reality fades, this is how he left you.
from the moment you walked in
to the moment you walked out
i watched it all
everything and anything was happening
but there was nothing i could do
in exchange for the single time he might never enter my life and living without him, i  would rather die a million deaths by him leaving me. and if i'd have to die from him leaving me to live his life, then i can say i never really died-- i'll think of it as a part of me living on in him.
the reality of someone leaving you is a stark contrast from a dream where they were once yours
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