you poured me a glass of water
I drowned with broken lungs
you gave me a herb to swallow
I passed out, overdosed
I gave you a bowl of sunshine
in return for your mistakes
I end up empty handed
and the cycle begins again

I'm finally changing
the sheets
from the bed you slept in.
smelly dirtfilled rags

it took me a long time
to change those sheets you slept in
even dust and dirt
felt warm like home

I don't try to wash them
wouldn't remove the stains
I wrap a torch in linen
and light up my flame

My mind is this raging hurricane and
you can't calm a storm down lest it wants to be stopped
but mine never seem to want to stop.
Every gush of wind pushes me over
to the edge and forces me to look down
into a never ending medium
where nothing exists.

I'm sorry I'm not lazy, in fact
if you tore apart this facade and
looked inside this skin,
you will find a girl searching
tirelessly for her self worth
and for happiness for
she wants to prevail, she
wants to be loved and she
wants to never stop believing.

But my hands and feet don't stop
adding earthquakes to my storm torn
body. My brain races faster than my
mouth can speak so I'm sorry
if you can't understand what I -

No, it's not that I don't want to see you,
it's just that my heart is running a marathon
and I'm already worn out thinking
about the way I'm going to say "hi",
the way I'm just waiting for the ground
to swallow me whole just to be saved.

I'm that person that you would befriend
just to get close to my pretty friends,
sisters or cousins.
I'm that person who'll be there for you when
you're bored and you need to pass time.
I'm that person who you turn to rant
but once you feel better,
you disappear.

"Thank you for being
there for me.
You're a good friend," they'll
Say. Sometimes not at all.
They say I'm great to be friends with
and although I appreciate it,
sometimes it gets tiring.

I'm tired of being that person where I would
make an effort to look good
but no one would bat an eye
and think I'm pretty.
I'm tired of being that person who gets
to listen to someone I like very much,
talking about who they like.
I'm tired of being that person who listens
to people but no one listens to me when
I need someone to talk to.

Thank you for trusting me and
for appreciating me as a friend
But you're another reason why I'm wondering
what I did wrong as I stay in alone
on Saturday nights,
date-less.

-m.b