I slept funny last night.

And now,

My neck hurts,

Almost as much as my heart.

Sometimes,
I forget to breathe.

At all times,
My mind is a cesspool of
Whirling thoughts
Intrusive desires
Violent emotions

When it all becomes
Too much
Or
Too little

I stop.

Breathing,
That is.

If I’m suffocating
Dying of oxygen depletion
Writhing in decaying misery
As my brain shuts down,

I find silence.

Solace.

But then,
Comes the time when I must
breathe again.

Refocus my eyes,
Halt my blind stare into the void.

Resume my breath.

And smile.

For I know,
That if I’m gone too long
If I fall into the nothing

Then I might dissociate forever.

And there are far
Far
Too many beautiful things
To sacrifice
For peace of mind
And an
Empty head.

My grandfather has gone off with the fairies
for what may be the last time.

Because we love him,
we held him down to Earth;
tied by a shoestring to a blade of grass.

As he once told me,
if you love someone,
you must let them go.

Because he loves us,
he trusts it is ok
for him to leave now:

He abandons behind
his memory,
a beating heart,
and some footsteps,
we must now fill.

Grandpa has gone off with the fairies,
where he’ll be kept warm and safe,
far from the cold hands
of an Earth
he once loved.

And as for us,
we’re left with a
choice:

to cry in his absence
or to remember,
the duties he gave us;

to make this Earth

a little kinder,
a little safer,
a little happier,

One day at a time.


- For Raymond.