I am trapped
Inside my own head
Unable to free myself
From the awful voices
My mind it speaks
Of darkness and hate
Of death and sorrow
I am trapped

At 2:30 in the morning of New Years Day I snuck out of my house

I listened for my parent's bedroom door and the floorboards under my mother's tired feet

I snuck out just to walk and sit and think

Just to feel the adrenaline of being somewhere that i wasnt supposed to be

To feel the liberation in knowing I'd have to be insane to be there

To feel the certainty of being somewhere i needed to be in that moment at 2:30 am on New Year's Day

I have become
What I fear most
A
Monster

The called her a monster
For what she had become
They called the devil
But oh she was
She became this way from the pain
The torture they had given her
She learned to be hard and cold as ice
For when she was soft
She got walked all over
They are the ones who changed her

I
Sold
My
Soul
To
The
Devil
Because
He
Told
Me
He
Loved
Me

Why wont they leave me alone
These voices they scream for you
You stand off to the side
So close but so far away
You left me so why are you watching me
You left me but you didn’t really leave
You watch me with you devil eyes
Always tracing my steps
I want you to leave me alone
But you wont
I have tried to escape your grasp
But you keep pulling me back
I just want you fucken gone but you wont leave
Please just leave me be
I am begging you
Please leave

Have you ever been afraid of someone you love dying
Them being sent away for war
With mountains and fields and oceans separating you and your lover
Waking up one day to a letter or a call
Of how your loved one was shot or blasted away
Their spirit either being sent up high or down to the mighty depths
When they leave you don't even get a goodbye or an I love you
That sweet voice you always wanna hear
Now will never be heard again
Wishing on the only faint star of the night to bring them back
Leaving you with all the broken promises
And all the broken hearts of the others who loved them
With nobody left to lay with
Grasping at empty spaces of the bed
Wishing for it all to be a lie
Laying their awake at night with tears running down your cheeks
Only wanting that one person to wipe away your tears
And kiss away all your pain and sorrows
Have you ever been afraid of someone you love dying
Well I do and I don't want them to be sent away