It’s something I knew was mine
Something I desired
I knew from birth it was mines
I knew I had to grow into my kingdom
I knew the throne belonged to me
I knew that when men said no, I would laugh and say yes
I now know that this kingdom is mines

Afraid of the possibilities that I’ve seen but didn’t take
A simple step
A multitude that I uttered
The step I could have taken
The irresistible sweet savor of something that was missed
Afraid

Tick tock tick tock
If a tick and a tock was a motion
That’s the motion I feel with him
Up down up down
As time wraps around me every night
It caters to me
It calms me during the darkest of days
Somehow with time I feel invincible
I wake up to time everyday
Time touches me as it kisses my heart
These motions I want to last forever

Mentally I’m drained
And when I say I’m drained
I’m emotionally weak
I’m tired of trying to open myself up to people so they can close down on me
Oh yeah, I’m drained
They play me like tic tac toe
And I let them
I have a father who’s a ghost
And the men I date ghost me too
It’s a pattern I see in men
I can’t love the right one
I can’t view the right one
But I know this because I’m always alone
I sit here and contemplate why I’m not lovable
Why can’t they even see the kindness in my eyes
I wonder if I’m that bad
I want to look from the outside and see what they see
What do I do that’s so bad
Do I breathe weird?
Do I talk to much?
Do I think to much?
It’s a million questions I want to know
But will I ever know?
No

I’m getting older
In an multitude of ways
I can look at my yesterday and see so many things I thought I would have never seen
I fell in love again when I thought I didn’t have anymore love in me
I’m getting older
Maybe he’ll still love me as much as I love him
Im getting older

Green blankets, rising and falling,
Speckled with hues of colors
Stirring with the caress of the wind.
Creatures, like motes, swirl and spin,
Alighting on the life-colors
A brief pause, and they move again.

Sky-cotton moving with ease,
Flowing with a slow river current
Lazily blocking the light from above,
Casting cool relief below.

I stand, amid the tranquility,
Breathing the scent and beauty of Calm.
The ease is reflected in my soul.
I close my eyes...
I open them...

I hear the explosions.
I feel the earth tear and rip.
My comrades, my friends, mowed down like grass.
I see death and chaos,
War and carnage,
I hear the screams of the dying.

My fear dies...

My rage is a growing storm.