Always being taught something old
Gender identified right when I was born
Out of the womb they told me I was a boy
Just because of simple thoughts
I was told that dolls and the color pink was not for me
Just the same as a girl was told that they were hers
That we would grow up together, but treated as if they were separate
Telling us that we were created equal
Yet treating us different the whole time
How can they tell us that we are same
While also telling us the opposite of things
That because I am a boy I have to be the less delicate
That she has no masculinity and must find it in a boy just like me
That to be beautiful I must be of a strong shapely size with sharp edges
(Sorry I am a boy and beauty is only retained for her)
While she has to be the opposite of me
Instead of being large she must be small and cut with soft curves
So we can be identified even more as boy and girl
The more that we grow the more they define us
Further the gaps grow between girl and boy
Constantly taught that a boy needs to take care of a girl
A girl is too weak and must be taken care of by a boy
Engrained into us some form of superiority
Engrained into her some form of inferiority
That girls are weak and boys have to be strong
A boy that he was born perfect and needs nothing to improve
While the girl needs layers upon layers to be that good
Telling me that boys are good at sport, science, math, but not art
Telling her that she can perform art, but won't be good at anything else
That I must provide everything for us
When all she needs to do is look some way
How can you say that you created us equal
When you motivated me in many ways and told me I was perfect
That when I looked her way you handed her things to improve herself
You wholly embraced me, a boy, from birth and even now
Telling me that I have to be the strongest and the most honest
Yet every time I looked her way
You were telling her that she is weak and be false with me
(Just so we could get along)
I tell you now; you didn't create us equal
Your system is one of cruelty
One that separates and divides
Dividing people from people
So we can't realize that we are all the same
A boy is a boy because you told him how to be
A girl is a girl because you told her how to be
You didn't teach us. You destroyed us
Leaving us at separate ends
So most people do not know
That honestly
We Are Created Equal

Merry Christmas, but this is still not a Christmas gift
This is yet another appreciation of you, Janet
I'm still sorry that I can't make you anything other than this
I'm sorry that it's been a year now since I've seen you
It's even more sad now that all I've given you is my words
Even though it's been a year you still mean so much to me
You never really know much you effect someone, until time has gone
This year I didn't make as many friends, but I made some
Mostly everyone I met
Put into perspective how unique you really are
Now that this year is ending there is fewer people I wish I had seen
There's only one person I am writing a poem for right now
Only one person that I want tell how much they matter
I only want one person to know
How important they are before the year ends
Once again believe me I am not building up to say some other person
JANET you are the one person that  Iwant to know how special they are
The 1 and only person I think deserves some words
My very being shudders thinking how long it's been
Knowing that I have not seen you for one year
I haven't been there to hold you up for so many days, months, a year
I've missed all your wild and crazy thoughts, all your personality.
I haven't been able to be a real friend
Even one year later you still stand true as one of the best I've ever met
Maybe memories fade with time and so do the people we know
Maybe you have forgotten me after all this time.
Maybe this is much more awkward for you
As you have met many more wonderful people since last year
That does not bother me as you are still a shining moment in my mind
Two people that had little time for all the great memories we have
No matter 1 year or 50, I will always know Janet Kung
We will always have our moments together
The enjoyable experiences of the past
Our luxurious time that can never be gone
The end: I've missed you Janet
Love, Michael.

They Call me the Ocean.
Maybe to people that means how large of a man I may be.
Or they are confused by my physical form,
because I don't look like an Ocean.
But believe me I am the ocean,
and you are the ******* puddle.
On the ground outside right now.
You only last for a few hours, even if that.
Your depth is not one that can equal the ocean.
We can explore all your insides within one second.
I can take one step and be all the way through you already.
To make you it takes one single rain cloud.
To make me, you can't replace this.
No matter how many rain clouds there are in world.
You can't remake this for the entirety of our existence.
Yes there may be other oceans in the world, but I am part of them.
There is only 4 oceans, but we can't count how many puddles there are.
The only thing within you can be shown on the surface.
You merely reflect the little world around.
But if you were to look at me.
You would see the reflection of the whole entire sky line.
See that's where everything stops with you.
The mere reflection of what's around you.
But with me.
Everything isn't taken so literally.
That within every little drop is a part of the ocean.
The deeper you dive the easier it is to tell what's different.
With a puddle you need not explore, but simply walk by.
But the ocean, you can never find it all.
You can only find so much.
People have tried since the beginning of time.
They only know that I am deep.
They don't know what's all within me,
and maybe they never will...

Did it ever really happen?
Tonight I wonder if all these people were ever real.
Same as they should imagine if I, Michael, ever existed.
Somewhere I imagine some land where all these people exist.
This place hold sanctuary only in my head.
Ma, pa, Grandma, brother.
Do you exist, you are no longer here, It's hard to believe you ever lived.
Those Sunday mornings, did we ever go to church?
Did we ever go to the diner for our Sunday Brunch?
I thought I saw our neighbors do the same, but I never go anymore.
I just woke up from a dream.
From the sanctuary in my head.
And I look around my house.
But it shows no signs that you ever lived.
I clutch at the memories in my head.
And ask myself are these dreams.
Did I fantasized this life of mine.
It's hard to believe that it was a lie all this time.
But when I call out for you.
I only hear the echo of my own.
I'll never known the difference between our tone.
Do I dream.
or have I lived.

I love so hard
That I burnt holes through my lungs
I burned with such emotion
That I set my heart on fire
There was so much energy
That I shook with such violence
I steamed with such intensity
I left my body without any liquidity blood
I began to realize that I burned with the intensity of the Sun
and at night I could never set myself out
An ever burning thought
One prevalent of love and kindness
Forever warm to the touch
I felt so much
I could always feel the coolness around
Everything around me wanting to take my warmth
We could never share the heat
I created all that I could and they always wanted to be like me
I loved so much
I felt the world clutch at my burning flesh
and tear each piece of me to build their own fire
I keep building my eternal fire
I felt so much
and kindled my feelings beyond repair
That past love and compassion
Is the numbness that comes with the cold
A fire so hot, that to the touch is made of ice
My heart of embers burned so brightly
That even tonight it blinds me
As the ashes and dust suffocate my mind
My flames will always rise

I imagine that my words can never be rational.
I imagine that my words can never be something you love.
I imagine that who I am is something that you will forget.
As my mind wonders the pages that I skim.
I imagine that you don't even remember my name.
I look harder at what I am trying to read.
But I still imagine your lipstick smudged smile against the blinding sun
I focus on each word in front of me.
I begin to read the title of what I want to read.
Self...Some how I lose track again.
and I imagine the blotted dark night sky against tree tops.
You know that one night that we spent together by the lake?
That one wonderful night where you told me all the things about you
Yes I still remember what you told me
How you always loved the sunflowers that grew around the summer
and it's amazing how much detail I remember of those times
and how I bought a dress of sunflowers the very next day for you.
I stop
Realizing that I need to stop imagining
I need to stop imagining how you are with someone else now
I need to stop imagining you wearing that dress for another
and how they will hold you while you wear that dress
I begin to read the article, even though I didn't finish the title yet
I suppose I forgot that I didn't finish the title yet
and I skim back to the top of the page
Imagining to myself how can I forget that
but can not seem to erase the thoughts of you from my brain
I think back to what I ate today, and I can't seem to remember
My stomach rumbles and with that I am reminded that I have not ate
Sadly with that same rumbling I imagine their pet name you gave
You called the rumbles rusty as they reminded you of an old rusty man
I slam my face near the screen and begin to read the title
Self help guide on how to not commit suicide: 10 easy tips
and I skip past all 9 till I get to number 1
*It says to imagine doing something else other than reading this article.

I was told that knowledge was power.
I was told that I should become as smart as I can be.
I need to learn.
I need to remember.
I need to come to terms with the past.
So I can unfold the future.
I did as I was told,
and I keep on doing so.
But these people.
They never told me how lonely it would feel.
They never told me that they wouldn't do the same.
I was never told that everyone else would settle.
That they would find out before me that they should stop.
That it's impossible to learn it all, so what's the point.
If we can only learn so little.
What's the point of learning things beyond our daily use.
What's the point of being able to reason out the functions of time.
What is the point of being able to reason the thoughts of another.
What's the point if I can't use it to help myself,
and this is why it is so lonely.
The one thought that made people stopped.
They never learned the answer to it,
and makes those who keep going the loneliest bunch.
Because to be honest everyone else settles.
Can't you see that's the world.
No matter who they are, they are people that settle.
People everywhere settling for the bad.
Because it's easier to say that you tried and then die in the fire.
Because no one is there to question you about why you stopped.
There is no one to wonder why you do not stop those from evil.
Why have you stopped thinking.
Why have you stopped learning.
Why aren't you out there doing what you need to do,
and they will tell you all the things of what they live for
Or what they live with.
You will see the people that settle.
These people are your friends.
They are even your family.
IT IS EASIER TO STAND STILL.
IT IS EASIER TO ADMIT DEFEAT
It is easier to blame everyone else, but yourself.
As long as you see yourself clear of blame.
Then those people will always be able to settle.