I’m only myself
When I’m depressed
Evaporating
Into nothingness

Out of this world
Just a cloud looking down
Exasperated
Lost in my own town

War in the womb
Your death or mine 
****** if not kept 
Suicide if it is 
Either way
Agony

Circle of stones in the water
You caused the ripples 
Will you anger the waves too 
While I am drowning  
Resuscitate me 
With air from the old lands

I photograph myself
In the mirror 
I’m beautiful 
And I see no error 

For too long 
Had I believed 
That if I changed 
I’d be relieved 

But this is me
Naked, imperfect 
Wrinkles of life 
They are not signs of defect

Little girl wasted time 
By feeling so low 
For she was too blind 
To see this glorious glow

I was raised by bullies 
Beaten, abused 
You were not by my side 
Left me confused 

It’s only you
Who’s responsible 
Threw me to the wolves 
Where escape is impossible 

I beat myself 
When you’re not there to do it 
So used to hurting 
I almost love it 

‘I wish you weren’t my son’
You admitted to me 
Now I’m all ****** up 
From red anger I can’t see

You ignored the ‘hoax’
Another dead child 
Consequences of
What you conspired 

Voting for that 
Who’s coming on TV
Watching the news, all those lies
But you don’t believe me 

You think climate change 
Is just fake news 
You laugh at the #metoo
And ****** abuse 

Stuck in your own head 
Misguided yet sure 
That all you have faith in 
Is true, you don’t need more

I hate myself
But I love being alone 
I’m scared of the real me 
But like the silence of my home 

I feel lonely without you
But I need my own space and time 
I crave you when happy 
But I push you away when I’m down 

I don’t have a choice 
But to live with this weird me 
But you could leave, and
It would be so easy