I often think how phony everyone is
To clap they're hands to the beat of a song at a concert
To dance at a club with their friends when that one song comes on about having a fat ***
To laugh at a strangers joke, but the stranger wasn't talking to them, and the joke wasn't meant for them
Yet they take it anyways
And let the stranger hear their reaction
To say something nice to their mom when she deserves to hear kind words and it would feel good to give them
How do they not feel paralyzed like I do?
Don't they hear a voice
Saying they'll do it wrong
Or they'll be punished
For some reason
By someone?
Or something
I don't feel like I'm allowed to participate
How do you give yourself permission
To be a person?
I like that song
I wanna dance with my friends
That joke was funny
I love my mom
Yet I am still
I can't move
And if they see me move
It will be BAD
That's all I know for sure
You don't hear that?
You must be kinda dumb.

Deep blue
Watered down by an urge to keep painting
Another brush on the same canvas
I bathe to wash away the blue, but I can't afford this water anymore
Conservation has never been my concern
Never stopping to think of what color I'll be when the water stops flowing
Don't talk about the last drop
Stay here with me until it fades my deep blue white
I can't remember gold

When I say
"I'm okay"
I'm testing out how the words sound coming out of my mouth
Hoping they will stick to my tongue
Forcing me to swallow
Instead they stick to your ears
And you leave me alone

I melt into the gap between your two front teeth
When I feel you staring at me
Not caring if I catch you
Locking eyes but you won't look away
I don't know you, but I love you
Please don't leave
Your mouth tastes like my new home