there's a certain feeling
that creeps up
through the hairline fissures
in your brittle bones,
on frigid hollow nights
at the bewitching hour,
when silent stillness descends
a muted film of
forgotten bittersweet memories
over the darkness.

and honey-yellow street lamps
cast ghostly shadows on the sidewalks, who
hold your hand in solidarity
as you trudge through
empty space,
and the dampened humming of the buzz saw
never really fades,
playing tricks on the music in your ears
spinning haunting discordant loops over
sullen sugar-coated melodies.

it's as if you've stepped through a portal
of time and space
where there is no singular destination
but transportation to the
eternal place
in you
where that feeling has lived
every time
it has arisen in the past,
where that feeling will return
in all the visits to come.

and the place is familiar
so you settle into the bed of nails
comfortably,
breathe in the sharp sting of ragged pain,
and float through the museum
of recycled thoughts
on angry waves.
reluctant transparency
plays its hide-and-seek game, and
you re-learn the methodology
of picking up the particles
and packing them
into steel cages
into cardboard boxes
into dusty attics
into black hole space ships -
sending them into the void.

the mundane madness
in the
mystic mirage of memorializing  mourning.

So many awful things happen
to people who don't deserve it,
and they try to
destroy themselves
for it.

I wish I could just burn this **** stain
world to ashes and **** in them.

This hole is full of angels
and humanity *******
shreds them into ribbons
and wears them
like rags.

it's
           closer
                        than
                                   it's
                                         ever
                                                  been
         ­                                  but
                                  still
                       not
            soon
enough.<3

Come close but not to close
Confuse me with your words but make your intentions crystal clear
That you WANT me
But you don't REALLY want me

"Wait a second",
But each second after that second
Draws into tomorrows
That spill into yesterday

And now,
It's an hour that feels like a year
In a second past a second
Without you

For once the light did not

burn so bad, not a lot,

with you by my side, it was

a little more bearable, twas

still painful, but better. I don’t

want you to see my dark, taint

your light, even tho I am night

You are wonderful, but not to bright

for my darkness to be burned away,

My knife is my strife, yet you could sway

me maybe from my path of night,

and save me from wanting the bite

of a knife. but I war with wanting

to save you from my bewitching

and uniquely persuasive demons,

my ability to tempt you to sin, ***

I can destroy you in a beautiful way

all you will ever have to do is say,

is that you want me to do it.

****, I hope you will like this bit

about how I will try not to break

you, and I hope you don’t find me fake,

when I say that you are great, yet

A part of me hope you flee, I bet

that some day you will leave me so

I don’t become a monster, and to

be who I am, I try not to hide anything

but my darkest moments, that nothing

and no one should see. just don’t make

me have to hide my light dark, for I will take

your heart and keep it for myself.

that heart you should save for yourself.

I told you my favorite love stories are the

dark ones, yet I don’t want that for you and me,

because that would taint your inner light,

I would use all of my feeble, weak might

to save you from my jealousy, my pain,

hah, even though if there is no pain, there is no gain.

All the other faces pale beside you.
You are my point of focus.
Like a spotlight that makes you stand out, my eyes are sensitive to you in a crowd.
But I dare not stare and I quickly look away because I don't want you to know I feel this way.
I'm not confident that I am your type.
And I don't want to seem trite, but I have to face the fact that you're out of my league.
Too beautiful for a naïve girl like me.

I went blind
At the sight of you
I couldn't believe anything else I saw,
I went crazy
At the thought of you
I never wanted to be sane again,
I bowled with the moon
Alongside of you
Straight down the lanes
With you
It was par every time,
Strike after strike
All the fires lit
Could never be put out
As long as you were around,
I will never see
I will never think
I will never live
The same,
Without you...

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