Soulless child with your head hang low
What is that you truly feel  
When people talk to you
Your answer always echoes in the back of your head a silent cry of what you truly mean
But you just simply say
I’m “okay”
I’m okay
As in okay to the point where I’m not affected by your words or herds of encouragement you seemly bait me with even though reality isn’t something so tempting .
I’ve become numb to everything around me so much that I think it’s normal to be this way ,
But I’m “okay”
I drown out the songs of the chirping birds in the morning with my own melody of sadness
But as always I’m “ okay “
Usually caring just enough to maintain relationships but the ship that I’ve been sailing by myself has been shipwrecked a long time ago ,
But lol no really I’m “okay”
Not present, not aware , feelings of only emptiness and despair  swirls around in my mind countless times
But on the surface “I’m doing just fine “
A broken record forced to repeat this very verse , Ive lost all understanding in this very word , But because saying the truth only hurts I’ll  trick myself into believing this curse I put on myself that
I’m truly “Okay”

i am sorry
that when you broke
i didn't help you back together
but started checking your pieces
to see if any of them could serve
to fill my missing ones

I been thinking
Overthinking
day in day out
Planning
What’s this life of mines can offer
What experience out there can change
this nonchalant floater
What light do I stand under
To make my heart shine and spirit rumble
To make the mundane days fumble
And crumble ,

I’ve been thinking
Overthinking what this life have to bring
What will shout out to my very being and make a passion deep inside me sing
What will move me and cause me to run full force towards one thing
What Will cause me loose my standing  and kick me out my pace
Will challenge my mind and lead me to a overwhelming space
Will not embrace but enrage my fears  
Will cause my feelings to erupt and implode and melt away that o comfortable setting of settling I place upon myself
What will I find I wonder ...



The path that is right for me
The path that’s is less confusing
Less overwhelming
The path that makes sense

Today I woke up
And found a friendly kind of sadness
Sitting on my bed

It petted my head
Like I was a lost puppy
And lured me into its lap
With *****, familiar feelings

It spoke with sympathy
It laughed with mockery
And whispered words that tugged at my tears

I listened,
Obediently
As it spoke:

"What were you doing out there all alone?
How far did you get this time?"

"Aw, that's cute, that' really cute. Well, here we are again huh?
Not even what 6 months later?"
"It's okay!
Hey,
I'm not judging."

"Look can we get "real" for a second?"

"Whether you want to admit it or not,
you need me."

"I mean you don't exactly make it easy on yourself, do you?
Getting your self up on these high hopes that things will be different."

"You're not like the rest of them.
You don't get the same things they do.
You're just going to keep disappointing yourself."

"And that just doesn't make you feel good huh?"

"Well I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not going to make you feel good either."

"But I'm not going to make you feel as bad."

"Not only can I shelter you from yourself but when you're all alone others can't exactly hurt you, can they?"

"So let's just cut all this crap and come back to me."

"You knew you were going to.
You knew this was how it was always going to end.
Are you really even surprised I'm here?
What else did you expect?"

"I may not have his hugs or his words or his smile, but neither do you."
"We deserve each other"

"You deserve me."

Once you left my motivation left with you
I used to be independent
Strong
Thought I could take the world by storm
So how come because your not here I’m no longer in my top form
I don’t brainstorm on ideas no more
I don’t have the will to fight a loosing battle anymore
I’m sad that I’m weak
I’m sad that I’ve grown lazy
I just want to sleep
And eat
Repeat
Next day comes and still I’m left wondering how it used to be when you weren’t here
How Is it that you left me but along with you piece of me disappeared
And I’ve been wracking my brain to find out how to get it back
But I’m stuck
Glued shut
The emotionless barricade I made out an attempt to forget you
Won’t break down or fall
The powers that I used to have I gave you it all
I’m so small
Compared to how I used to be
All I do is drown my sorrows in these sheets and tweets and drink every other week to make me feel complete
I had enough of this current scene
I want to restart
Erase
the scenes of you and me for my heart .

One minute she's flying next minute she's dying
Trying
Fighting
Crying
Wonder why and
What to do to get back the feeling she once had
Is she trying to bring back a dead situation
Is God telling her to stop and let go
But what does she do when he is all that  she knows
He has her
Mind
Body
Heart
And Soul
How does she detach those strings he has embedded into her.
How does she cut those ties that's forged deep within
Her relationship all filled with sin
Holding on to lust
When the heart is what really matter
Connecting with bodies
Forgetting the pain
Putting  aside her brain
And spirit
And falling victim to her flesh
He kisses her chest and make her forget about what's next and just focus on that moment of pleasure
For 5 mins in time
Then she looks at sky
And ask God why ?
Why do we do the things we do
When we know it will hurt us in the end
Feelings intertwine in lust , love and life .