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 Mar 11 Natalie
Sylvia Plath
'Perspective betrays with its dichotomy:
train tracks always meet, not here, but only
    in the impossible mind's eye;
horizons beat a retreat as we embark
on sophist seas to overtake that mark
    where wave pretends to drench real sky.'

'Well then, if we agree, it is not odd
that one man's devil is another's god
    or that the solar spectrum is
a multitude of shaded grays; suspense
on the quicksands of ambivalence
    is our life's whole nemesis.

So we could rave on, darling, you and I,
until the stars tick out a lullaby
    about each cosmic pro and con;
nothing changes, for all the blazing of
our drastic jargon, but clock hands that move
    implacably from twelve to one.

We raise our arguments like sitting ducks
to knock them down with logic or with luck
    and contradict ourselves for fun;
the waitress holds our coats and we put on
the raw wind like a scarf; love is a faun
    who insists his playmates run.

Now you, my intellectual leprechaun,
would have me swallow the entire sun
    like an enormous oyster, down
the ocean in one gulp: you say a mark
of comet hara-kiri through the dark
    should inflame the sleeping town.

So kiss: the drunks upon the curb and dames
in dubious doorways forget their monday names,
    caper with candles in their heads;
the leaves applaud, and santa claus flies in
scattering candy from a zeppelin,
    playing his prodigal charades.

The moon leans down to took; the tilting fish
in the rare river wink and laugh; we lavish
    blessings right and left and cry
hello, and then hello again in deaf
churchyard ears until the starlit stiff
    graves all carol in reply.

Now kiss again: till our strict father leans
to call for curtain on our thousand scenes;
    brazen actors mock at him,
multiply pink harlequins and sing
in gay ventriloquy from wing to wing
    while footlights flare and houselights dim.

Tell now, we taunq where black or white begins
and separate the flutes from violins:
    the algebra of absolutes
explodes in a kaleidoscope of shapes
that jar, while each polemic jackanapes
    joins his enemies' recruits.

The paradox is that 'the play's the thing':
though prima donna pouts and critic stings,
    there burns throughout the line of words,
the cultivated act, a fierce brief fusion
which dreamers call real, and realists, illusion:
    an insight like the flight of birds:

Arrows that lacerate the sky, while knowing
the secret of their ecstasy's in going;
    some day, moving, one will drop,
and, dropping, die, to trace a wound that heals
only to reopen as flesh congeals:
    cycling phoenix never stops.

So we shall walk barefoot on walnut shells
of withered worlds, and stamp out puny hells
    and heavens till the spirits squeak
surrender: to build our bed as high as jack's
bold beanstalk; lie and love till sharp scythe hacks
    away our rationed days and weeks.

Then jet the blue tent topple, stars rain down,
and god or void appall us till we drown
    in our own tears: today we start
to pay the piper with each breath, yet love
knows not of death nor calculus above
    the simple sum of heart plus heart.
 Mar 11 Natalie
Sylvia Plath
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
I just stood and breathed beside a tree
The other day. Odd thing to do perhaps,
It was deep winter, he was sleeping.
A stark
oak
against
the sky.

Tried to form some words to releaf his
Dark lines.

But no
I was in his keeping.
 Mar 11 Natalie
badwords
I died
A life worth living
is a life worth dying

or
so I was sold

I still smell you
in my brain

A dumpster fire
to re-train

And loose
Capitulate

For an absence of identity within
I stood my pen up on its point
I struck it with a hammer
I watched in slow time as the ink flew
I saw it splatter across the page
I was drenched in it the blood of this pen
I murdered art
I can't say i enjoyed cleaning up the scene
It made a beautiful picture
This is one lonely road,
A gray place with no fond memories.

Yet still, a place I know very well,
The broken stones have stories to tell.

This is one dreary path,
A broken face with no kindness left.

Yet, this is where the good men are buried,
When they fade from light and die.
Rochester has many lonely roads, I've walked too many to count.
even now, i'm almost as high as i want to be.

indulging in the first bite of the apple was always a thing for me.

and i take my time with it.
 Mar 7 Natalie
izzmidnight
Sorry
that I've blocked your calls
for months on end
but I still listen to the voicemails
that you send.

Sorry
that sometimes I'm mean,
treating you like jewelry
I've used to numb the pain
and all of the grief.

Sorry
that I change my mind
so frequently each day,
never meaning to use you
or pull you every which way.

Sorry
that I still know your birthday,
that my favorite songs became
your favorites too,
and that just won't fade away.

Sorry
that I couldn't be better for you
and that I still can't believe
anyone could ever
be in love with me.

Sorry
everything wasn't better
and I was so naive and blind
to the way we were
always leaving each other behind.

Sorry
that I run when things are good
and stay when things are bad,
I guess I never understood
what we had.

Sorry
that I flinch every time
you lay your eyes on me
because you do it like no one else—
like I'm someone you can please.

Sorry
that I broke your heart,
my ignorance strikes again
because things didn't get better
and you couldn't see the end.

Sorry
that I couldn't love you
or be better for you, baby
but someone will love you,
it just won't be me.
I really appreciate comments and feedback! :)
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