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tiyaja cianni Sep 24
what could i possibly do
to be able to keep looking at you
without inching too close
to your burning surface

and what could i keep doing
to stay in your good grace
so i can watch you like a movie
and re-read you like my favorite ballad
on a cold winter night

you would be the one to share your blanket

i felt so incapable of feeling
yea there's so much behind this, i feel like it sounds confusing and maybe it is.
tiyaja cianni Feb 2020
Sometimes I wish that I could keep every promise I've made.

When i told you that i was gonna give you the world and nothing less, i gave you MY world. And the realization that my world was too much and not enough at the same time has just hit me so hard that it makes me ache inside. I just feel like you’re gone for a reason. You’re gone because you can’t stand the person that i used to be and probably still am, but that’s okay. I can’t change how you feel, I can only tell you how i feel… and man.. What i would do to get you back..

It’s almost been 11 months and I am just so full of doubt that i’m ever going to get better. Because wow. All i ever wanted was for the both of us to be happy, but i guess we’re both not. Or at least that’s what i want to believe. I really want my baby back. I want to be able to call you and talk to you and hear you breathe. I want to know that you’re okay and that you’re mentally functioning in a stable way. I just want to be able to look you in your eyes again. That is all.

To be able to constantly feel like trash. To be able to constantly feel like just straight garbage because I know that deep down, me giving you MY world is what ruined us. Me, showing you my life and all that it had to offer just weighed you down. It’s crazy how you go insane over the fact that my life ruined you, but how do you think it’s treating me if we almost think the same. We couldn’t be any different for facing things as they came. Where are you now, though? Still with me, probably. Because the person in your body right now is not who you are or should be. That is not my baby. And i want my baby back to me.
i miss you.
tiyaja cianni Jan 2020
unconditional love is all i can give you

even after you hurt me many times, i will continue to love you

no matter how many times you kick me down, i'll get back up and hope for better
and by then, unconditional love is all i have given you.

i strive for your light touch and your rough kiss, but i can never reach it
it strays far out into the seas and i lose it,
but then it comes back to me and
i drown.
i like aquariums. not the ocean.
tiyaja cianni Jan 2020
All I could think about was you

The day you left, I felt uneasy and sick to my stomach,
and the only thing that stayed was your smell and your name floating around my head

so i sing your name in the most humble way i can so i can cherish every single vowel and note.
tiyaja cianni Jan 2020
you need to stop leading me on.
you and you and you and you and you.
just leave me alone and grow up.
you boys and girls put a lot of stress on me.
tiyaja cianni Jan 2020
have you ever gotten a feeling like fire?

this feeling is so aggressive and extremely potent,
which leaves me in the state of
uncontrollable uncertainty.
sometimes i think i'm the only one who really feels it,
but here i am finding it in you.
then again, there is so much light within the person you seem to be
and it makes me want to soul search
in order to catch up.
this revolution is clouding my vision
and is keeping me
from seeing things for what they really could be.
then if i break, i at least know
that the blame is all placed upon myself
since i let you
take me
from me
to give me back
and get me again.
i think a lot more than i should.
tiyaja cianni Jan 2020
i like how i look attached to you
and you like how i look when i drive you crazy.

there are things that i want to figure out about
as time goes on

then when you leave, i'll be as broken as ever
for i don't know what i would do
without someone like you
right now.
I couldn't imagine missing you, but here i am
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