Many a time,I feel so alone
Like I am really alone
Alone on my own
Many a time,I feel like I have no real friends
Many a time,
I feel like I have no real family
Like I don't really belong
This has been now going on for long
Sometimes,I feel like all that's happened around me is fake
That's maybe why on some days,the only smile I can afford is fake
I feel no hate,
Just heavy emptiness sometimes
And loads of unfulfilled promises that further get me wishing that I would get more than I deserve
I crave for real and authentic happiness sometimes,
Fake smiles,forced laughter,
And awkward hugs
I Yearn for a place where my heart and soul are going to be at sufficient rest
No haste

I cried because you rejected me
and lied because I was afraid of you
I hit myself to get attention and scratched myself to release pain
I cut myself  because there was no where to turn
You told me I was bad and called me names
you convinced others I was no good, and kept me from my only sibling
You never hugged,you never kissed, You never said you loved me
I ran away because I was miserable, you were drunk all the time.
Fell into the wrong crowd,  because I was hungry for attention.
I learned everything the hard way, you only taught me that I was bad, and I believed I was, for a very long time.
My inner self is numb and slowly dies each day. Today there is still no one to listen, no one to love, and no one to care.
Everyone thinks you were the best parent and feels sorry
for you because of me.
I used to wonder why I was so bad, now I know that I'm not to blame, but I am the one having to live with the damage a mother caused her child.

Copyright 2018
All rights reserved

One morning at sunrise,
I walked the beach
Looking for shells.

High on the bank,
Where no wave could reach,
An old man watched intently.

After a while
He gestured with his hand,
Calling me to him.

"You have many lives to live,"
He said (in a strange accent)
As he picked up a handful of sand
And let it run back to the ground
Through his fingers.

"That's a lot of lives", I said,
Watching the last of it fall
And trying not to look afraid.

"Not the sand in my hand," he said,
"The sand on the beach."
He extended his arms,
Raised his eyes,
Then vanished
Before I could speak.