For you to notice me

If you only knew

I mainly want to talk, but my human side lets off.
Images of my rough hands around your soft waist to let our souls mix and seep when our eyes meet.

To sweet delight of soft serve with every curve I follow

I only want to talk

Exchange another note of human emotions and social interactions

See we lack the capacity to physically understand

And leading you off isn't in my objective
I just get stiff with kisses on your neck
I can almost feel your hands on my back
Your legs tighten around my thighs

Endorphins rush when your back  curves and your chest touches mine
Temperatures rise, I can see all the signs

I still want to talk
Your interests interest me
Lets take a walk
If we stand still I'll examine your body
My heart will go lively
With electronic  sparks
I only want to talk
But when you laugh I get this shiver
A cold quivering
That you wouldn't notice

In an instance we are on the grass with a breeze blowing your hair
And I'm grabbing your ***
I don't want to move too fast
You then reach for me
A heavenly breath runs across my neck
I almost turn wild
A stone to the ocean
Oh how opposites attract

I just want to talk
However clever I might be how has your day been
Lets get deeper mentally
I'll exchange ****** innuendos lets see if you notice

I'm just a man in not trying to be a pervert
Then you smile and it takes awhile to adjust

My imagination turns rough
I envision us at a picnic a diamond in the rough
Shoes off and your happy
So I am too
You make to first move

Now I am excited and don't know what to do
You look at me
The eye contact  from green to brown
We stare then our lips touch
Our eyes close to love the moment
As these can't be seen
Emotions run rampant
And I suckle on your teet

But I just want to talk

11am

today i was sluggish

I ran a 6:45 mile

Beat my mile time

Benched 235

New max on bench

Almost have an eight pack

And somewhat feel unhappy

I've adjusted

My body is a temple

That society and culture busted

Warped by mocking of blemishes and dimples

Six pack well built

I fall in that circle

Mal nourished till I tilt

Collapses when i turn purple

Guided by past achievements

Visions of success

To forget what belief meant

Gain mass the more you digest

Calories, Carbs, and proteins

Vitamins, liquid, and BCAA's

Work hard

Workout harder

Appreciate where you were like other would if they are you

We are all victims turned into the very perpetrator we rejected

Look in the mirror

Change or accept

Fight or conform

Satisfy pleasure or  live in comfort

To be honest

I haven't felt a reason to be happy

I appreciate when times are good

But I'm still not happy

And i refuse to ruin someone's day

Or hid my emptiness behind a smile

And until I find what I am looking for

Tomorrow at 9am

I'll be at the gym

I hate you

The sum of all my being can't describe this anxious resentment 
I have towards you

Its not that I'm being obsessive

I can get over you easily

Its what you did that I can't stand

You and your Hippocratic oath

And nonchalant  pessimism

Do you know how much I cared

Can you even conceive what you did

.....of course not

And you're not sorry for it either  

For the most part

In your mind

You did nothing wrong at all

I guess snakes don't feel bad when they constrict mice to pop and stay and that position till its heart stops then gorges itself without chewing

What a circle of life

But why me

What satisfaction did doing what you did make it ok

Is this humanity

Ever memory now scrapes at me

Atleast I can see the signs

To avoid another like you

Even though it's not so simple

You sickening peace of ****

You don't belong

You've taken a piece and given me something I didn't want in the first place

Now every time I see you smile

Or see you 

Even a picture

Or a phrase that sickens me to the point

Drugs are my only salvation

Just to keep the pain away

Just to take the pain away

But that doesn't matter

It never will


So on those nights when I ache in my chest in curl in a ball and wonder if I  can let go or pay you back

I wish sweet dreams to the ones you haven't hurt 

And it is as my face appears

It is mangled underneath by acid tears