There was a time,
A year into the future,
when we used to frolic and dance in the sand.
Usually, I don't like beaches,
I hate large crowds,
Hate 'em hate 'em
and I will 'till pigs fly.
Sometimes I think I'm not like the others
even though I desperately wish to be.
I'd like to donate my shoe collection
to the Salvation Army, or Goodwill,
for them to be put to better use
instead of sitting unused
surrounded by crumpled tissues and overdue books.
Or I could build a time capsule
to be opened the next century.
Hopefully the future Ebenezer Scrooge
finds the Ghost of Frolicking Past
and actually learns to enjoy beaches.

I outfitted my worn-out clothes
Then in the far mirror, I see myself
I look behind the old me
Look pass the masked he wears,
Staring…  

After what seems like a few seconds,
I finally asked him;

“Have I neglected you?”

He didn’t answer…
A single tear fell in his left eye
And then I understood…

“I am sorry, I let you stay behind
masked for too long
muffled you for quite some time.
We all know society is cruel place to be.
We need to be strong and I needed to be stronger.
It was for our sake.
But then it was just me being a coward
                            - afraid to faced reality.

Now look at us, we’re both crying for the decisions
we’ve made long ago. It was not your fault,
I’m to blame with all of this crap.
I made you do it, I convinced you with my
Fears. And I am truly sorry for that.”

I break down into sobs. He simply hugs me, not saying anything.
Then he fades away.

I dried away the tears I shed
And found something,
     a feeling I never knew he give.
I found forgiveness.
I was able to forgive myself
From the things I did.
To stay past the past mistake,
To face the new kinda old me…

Then I realized;
It is important to forgive yourself
To be able to move forward.





written 09/27/2014
*© Pax

Love 

A acceptable social insanity

So when I force feed you paint thinner and put you in my fridge 

You stupid *****

It's only out of love

You should be grateful

I usually just feed the remains to the neighbors dogs