why do you even try?
you know they're not gonna talk to you
why would anyone want to talk to you
you're weird
you're gross
you're meant to be alone

"I love you."
I whisper as I set my alarm
"I love you."
I whisper as I write down goodbye
"I love you."
I whisper as I creep down the stairs
"I love you."
I whisper as I open up the bottles
"I love you."
I whisper as I empty them into my hand
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."

im yours
always yours
forever yours
yours and only yours
your little toy
to use as you wish
use me and throw me away
im yours

I cant help
but wonder
if I could have
done something
to help you
to stop you
to free you

I wish
I could just
kiss you
without
fearing
those who
watch

home is
between your arms
my head pressing into your chest
my thumb slowly rubbing your palm
home is
your scent wrapping me in
soft blankets of love
home is
when im with you

how long will it take to forget me
a year
a month
a week
a day
how long until im faceless
stuck in old memories you
forgot were there
how long until
my name means nothing

it's funny how
one sour bite
can turn the whole apple
rotton

I wonder how many times I've said your name
while laying in bed at night
Mary
Mary
Mary
Calling until you answer
even if it's just in my head

everything is beautiful
through the lens of love
but take off those glasses
for nothing is what you make it
when you’re in love

I am thinking thoughts.
Thoughts that I think of every day
Thoughts that lead to other thoughts
I wish, I hope, I plead for them to stop
But they never do

I’m always thinking thoughts
Like a ball rolling down a hill
Around and around and around again
My thoughts are spiraling spiraling spiraling
Faster and faster they go more and more and more thoughts
They don’t end, they never end
Each thought growing more desperate like a child yelling above the din

LISTEN TO ME!

I can’t listen.
I can’t hear.
I am not the one in control.

A catalogue of
past loves, a heart on paper.
Alas, time moves on

shut your mouth!!
nobody wants to hear you speak

I can feel you staring at me
but I can't think about it
if I do I'll start to smile

I'm not sad
just tired
I'm not hurting
just tired
"just tired" I say

I am tired
tired of apathy
tired of feeling alone
tired of failing after trying my best
tired of the same monotonous routine that bears no fruit
tired of being abandoned
tired of being ignored
tired of being told I'm faking it
tired of hiding myself

I wish I could fall asleep and forget everything
but everything is still there when I wake up

I just want to be with you
in the kitchen of our apartment
dancing to Shakira
in the early morning
while cooking breakfast

I am jealous
of the sun
who gets to kiss your sleeping face
every morning
I am jealous
of your hair
who gets to cradle your face
in it's wavy hands
I am jealous
of your cats
who get to cuddle you
whenever they please
I am jealous
I wish to love you
But I'm stuck imagining
your face next to mine
your soft breath dusting my cheek
warm, comfortable silence
sewn together
with threads
of love

Hounds of hell
lap at pools of blood and ichor
trickling from my
open neck

I wish time would stop
so i could stay here in this
moment, forever

You take my lungs in
your hands and squeeze them until
all my breath is gone

The sun burns my back
as the pavement burns my feet
shoeless and sockless
running down the street
I refuse to put them on
though my soles are bright and red
Shove **** between my toes?
I'd much rather be dead.

i wish we were in
love because together we
could have conquered worlds

I wish that I had
never met you, for now I
can't live without you.

It’s one of
those nights
again
another night
another sob
another rip in my skin
another dream
another hand around
my neck another squeeze another
scar on my hip
another bandaid
another tissue
with blood and snot and
tears

another night.
another day.

It will all be okay
that's what I tell you, at least
but you don't believe me
I don't blame you
I don't believe me either

I am weak
soft and crumbly
like feta cheese

I wish I were strong
sharp and rough
like razor blades
but I don't think
blades are too tasty.

Sometimes
I feel like
the world
is
closing in
on me,
trapping
me
in a
tiny capsule
until I
suffocate

you try so hard to be friendly
you try so hard to be nice
you try so hard and they spit in your
face
and tell you you're
nothing

What would happen
if I hadn't met you?
What would I do without you?
Having friends but feeling alone
passing you by without a second glance
no smiles shared
no small embrace
Nothing to miss
but my missing piece

Nowhere to look
no map in sight
wandering towards something to bring back my light
Missing a piece but not seeing it
Missing a heart but not feeling it
Missing a breath but not breathing it
endlessly searching
never knowing
that it's you
I'm missing

I've loved before
My heart enraptured by those who ignore me
Wish they would adore me
They don't look my way
I pine for their love and affection for a time
But when the sun begins to shine
My love fades away

Sometimes someone's love seems to stay
So I'll give them my heart
They'll take it
They'll break it
I'll shatter because I had too much faith it
hurts

This time though, my love feels different
Through my blind eyes I can't feel the thrill of it
My heart isn't seized by passion anymore
But I love you more than any before
In your arms it feels so right
Though your stare doesn't make my throat feel tight
I dream of you still
Day in and day out
And I just know that without a doubt
What I feel is love

Because when I'm with you
My heart glows like a fire on a cold winter's night
Illuminating my mind, driving out the fright
I feel nothing but joy with you
'stead of worry and jealousy
Which I never even wished to see
I find a place of security
with you

I wish I could say
you made me happier but
my heart cries for you

I wish that I
had met you later
so we
could love
without limits
without walls
without restraints
for I know
that if we could
we'd be so much
happier

together

the two of us
against the world

You don’t
have to
speak
to tell me
you love me
i already
know

Oh, how the bell tolls
Those mourning lost souls
Hear it ring softly through the night
Say they can’t move on
But disappear with the dawn
Another face fades out of sight
They dug graves to rot in
Their names are forgotten
The man they call Death wears white.

Home is not
a prison
yet that is where
i lie

I’m homesick for a
home I’ve never known. I wish
I could leave this place.