Anxiety
Forming
Taking shape
Like an alien within
Morphing into
Moving
Stretching
Getting comfortable
Taking over
Until
Paralysis sets in

I'm your mothers favorite bad influence
Perfect and in line enough
to ignore the major red flags that should induce reluctance
and instead label me hard working and tough
the perfect girl to get to know

I'm who your father thought he would be
music that grates and teeth bared just sharp enough
an idea of who to be and the will to be free
smooth around the edges but inside too rough
the kind of seed in you he'd like to sow

I'm the disgrace with a pretty little face
and the intelligence to lie
and get by with just enough grace
so that one day this persona may die
as I fade from their neat little row

Im a broken soul
Laughing and twirling
Under the stars
Of the bleeding Heavens

Some people let themselves see the world black and white and I understand why
Good, or bad person is easy to say
But a scientific fact is that there are 65,534 shades of gray
Take a moment to think of that if you may

So when I go in the that therapy office and one of the first things I hear is
“You know your dad isn't a **** person, Ay?”
What I want to say is he is one of those shades of gray
Only what I do is a polite smile and nod, waving it away

Some things can't even be measured
No matter the time and effort
So is he even a shade of gray?
To wrack your brain out, in addition to the tiresome day

Some people let themselves see the world black and white, and I understand why
Saves so much energy and confusion
And maybe they were partially right
For the ones who can save themselves, this might be the best way

When the earth swallowed me whole
I remember thinking,
“Nothing will ever be the same”
And I was right.
His possession became an obsession
And I was trapped within his walls
Decorated to look like my childhood room.
I felt sick.

How dare he take the most innocent parts of me,
And taint them with his hellfire.
How dare he steal the most delicate parts of me,
And crush them between his teeth.

All I wanted was to pick flowers.
To sing and dance in the breeze.
How dare he choose me.

I starved in silence
Until I couldn’t feel anything
Except the rumble in my stomach.
Numb to the screams around me,
Paralyzed by dead dreams.

I wish I never went outside.
I wish I never smiled.
I wish I never was born.