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WHY
Old bent and broken
Like some worn out shoe
Why!! Where did I go wrong, what did I do?
I served my country, paid all my dues
Now all I have left is this worn threadbare suit
For the next few hours I'll just wander the streets
Find an empty doorway, have a few hours sleep
Food! Well at my age a littles enough
A few discarded chips or a hard stale crust
I think of my comrades who gave up their lives
Now I wish I'd died with them
Beside them to lie
Its not my fault that I've grown tired and old
But who's going to mourn me
As my body grows cold
This is an edited version of something I wrote a long time ago and is written for all the ex servicemen who will be spending this Christmas hungry and cold in a shop doorway

Reposted for Steve  Reimer, Mark Cleavenger and all who have seen the bitter truth
He says he likes to watch
Raindrops roll down the glass

Watch me cry then
I'm made of glass
I don't like being breakable and I don't want to let this boy into my life again because it hurt last time and he really isn't worth it. I think I just want a boy, any boy really, to care about me, and he is the only one who MIGHT right now. That's the only reason I even smiled at all when I read his text. it has nothing to do with him, just the IDEA of him. he is actually nothing but a pathetic ****.... ****, I gotta remember to remind myself of that, can't get ****** in again.
Let's break all the tension with the pretense of my presence.
Yes, I'm insensitive--but there's no other incentive others can give--
And while I'm not sure I could prevent it, I swear to no god I'm inventive!

Yes,
My hatred is incessant--ever present--and it's what I hold most sacred.
I'm a naughty narcissist with a nasty list of wasted kisses,
And I won't say that I'll miss 'em, 'cuz I'm the type who never misses.

I'm a hopeless romantic with a new sense of Tantric hope,
It's the antics of a frantic mind, but I'm too calm to cope.
They say I'm a raving, violent--rarely silent--tyrant with a craving
for the obscene,
Though, while I'm mean, I'm rarely seen within a mob or in a scene.

I'll admit I've got a streak, but--if you'd stop to take a peek--
You'd see a Buddhist, not a nudist, who's less a demon than a geek.
I'm oblique and I'm obtuse (do these math puns work for you?) yet I'm rarely never right;
Get my angle? Catch my drift? I might thrash, but, man, I'm thrift!
Hold on shift: I'M SCREAMING NOW!!
Don't know why; don't have a cow!
Remember that? That 90's rap? Look at me then; that piece of crap!
Shot down! Torn up! Shut in! Turned out!
Lips are sealed; inside I'd shout,
'Bout just how bad I wanted out!
Enraged and crazed; cravin' razors; a victim hiding from all saviors!
Turned to the pen to brace for the knife,
Started writin' and saved my life.
It's funny to say my life got better the day I started a suicide letter...

But letters turned to words and those words became whole worlds,
And before my very eyes a whole legacy unfurled!
I was GOD--not just a slob--but a shaper of all things,
And the schemes that I'd been dreaming shifted into scribing,
And I never stopped since then; it's why I'm still alive!

So my insanity became vanity as calamity turned to amity.
Sheer pessimism became untamed narcissism,
But if the mind's a prison then consider me jail broken.
Outspoken, re-awoken; take a moment to let that soak in.
That a boy doubtful of tomorrow could ditch the sorrow,
And become an immortal--though immoral, not totally amoral.

So yea, I've got my faults; I'm a sensory assault,
And while I don't mean to offend I'm just a product of the ends.
Played with fire; I got burned.
Dared to aspire; I was turned.
So I inquire to you sires as I march out of the fires:
You've seen my darkness and know my story--beginning, middle, end--
My name is Nathan Squiers, do you wanna be my friend?
Buzz Buzz*
I casually unlock my phone
Probably my friend
Maybe my mom...again. -_-
No rush, no worries
Then I see HIS name
My brow sweats
My hands clench
Terror and dread courses through my veins
I choke back a screech of surprise and fear
I swallow hard
And blink a couple times
Rereading the name
Clearing my head
Soothing myself
Trying to remain calm
That boy
The one who caused me
So much humiliation
Who hurt me
A while ago
Who dropped me
Because I was always
His second option
I see his name
Hey how are you?
He says
I wait, about half an hour
But finally I answer with: I'm okay
Just okay? he says
My mind is hissing with furious remarks
Don't pretend like you care
How dare you ignore me for this long
Then suddenly give me a heart attack out of no where
Idk I'm alive
Barely. But I don't say that.
I told him back then
When I liked him so much
He was irresistible
Sadly, that is fairly true
But I'll make an honest effort
Because I don't have time
For his lies
I don't know. I hope I don't get ****** in again. Sadly, (and pathetically) I almost want to.
How's it that you hear
Teardrops rolling down my cheeks
But not when I scream?
Glassy eyes scream louder than raw lungs
DOES YOUR MOTHER TAKE LONG WALKS FOR HOURS TRYING TO COMPREHENDED WHY YOUR LUNGS DON'T SHOUT MUSIC?

DOES SHE CRY REFUSELY WITHOUT EXPLAINING THAT YOU'RE THE PAIN?

SHE'S YOUR MOTHER, SO LOVE HER.

SHE MAY NOT KNOW EVERYTHING, BUT SHE MADE YOUR EVERYTHING
@Copyright Kaitlyn marie
You always compared your head to an unsafe neighborhood, somewhere you shouldn’t go alone, but I want to reach inside and take out whatever I can find because I have seen the light in you and if you let me I will show you where to find it whenever you forget.
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