Wait, Hold on
Just let me see.
You want me, to talk about me?
Well, that’s a first,
Certainly not the worst
Suggestion I’ve been asked
Usually among angry slurs of
******* or ******* Jack ***
I guess those are the feelings
I tend to instill
On people when I impose my will
Now I know it’s a little dark
And yet thinking
**** this is just the ******* start?
But wait
There’s a light at the end of
This tunnel you’re traveling
But move fast because the walls of my mind
Are unraveling
And I know it’s startling
But to me this is ordinary.
Everything falling apart and being built back up
A new person every time I wake up
Now listen hear me and sit down and shut up
I’ve been quiet for too **** long.
At least four years spent bending to the will
Of people far less strong
But then it all changed.
I opened my mouth and let out my mind
It took only once and I had all their minds enraptured
So incredibly captured
By the skinny kid seizing the podium
Using his words to
Obliterate the opinions they held of him.

Now let me pause here
Before we go any deeper
Let me make it clear
There is a hunter
Camouflaged inside the words painting the woods
Hiding yet hinting at something you'd never believe could
Have happened to him
So watch your jokes
And watch your phrases
Because my life went through
Those phases.
Yet my laughter at the scabs at which you pick
The injuries that still make me sick
Is still genuine
Despite what everyone thinks
So please just stop your incessant
“That’s not funny”
Followed by your gaze upon me
Because I see it in your eyes
The look I’ve so grown to recognize
That look of pure ******* pity
And that my friends is worse
And my parents do it the worst.
See they feel responsible
For not predicting the improbable
But No one could
Including me
Seeing my thieving neighbor outside my backdoor
Not knowing what he was there for
I let him in to steal what I didn’t know I had.
My innocence
But in a sense
It doesn’t matter.

Because I try not to dive too deep into the past
Because I’m here and finally happy at last
So here let’s bring it full circle I believe you asked
About me.

Whack! Whack!
His mother’s heels click down
On to the hard wood floor
He claims to be Cinderella
His father looks down
And his first emotion is fear
For his young son’s life
It won’t be easy
He bends down
Picks him up and holds him tightly
“My beautiful son,
Be back before midnight”

Whack! Whack!
His bat strikes the baseball
For his first home run in Little League
His heart was never in it
But his father encouraged him
To try new things
And his mother is his biggest fan
He starts to notice
How tight baseball shorts are
They’re not very comfortable

Whack! Whack!
Towels leave bruises in the locker room
He laughs at his teammates
Running from his quick wrist
And wet towel
He’s the starting quarterback
And they just won states
He was voted
Homecoming king

Whack! Whack!
His heart duels against his ribs
The first time he kisses another boy
It’s nothing like the girls
There’s a new rush in his blood
His mind is in space
And his stomach in his throat

Whack! Whack!
He brings the axe down hard
Sunburnt metal splitting fibers
Sending woodchips everywhere
His father making him learn
The lesson that only hard work can teach
Nothing worth having comes easy

Whack! Whack!
The hammer comes down on the nail
As he finishes his daughter’s swing set
He watches through the window
As his husband
Hands her the first slice
Of her birthday cake
She just turned five
A number you didn’t get to see

They say when you die
Your life flashes before your eyes
They don’t say
It’s always your past

Whack! Whack!
His mother’s heels click down
On the hard wood floor
He claims to be Cinderella
His father looks down
And his first emotion is fear…

Whack! Whack!
His fists clench
Whack! Whack!
They come raining down
Whack! Whack!
He can’t seem to get away
Whack! Whack!
Why can’t you be a man
Whack! Whack!
Why can’t you be a man.
Whack! Whack!
Why can’t you be a man!

Why can’t you!?
You were his father!
And you
Were his mother!
You broke a child
When you were supposed
To build him up
So now the world
Had to bury his dreams in pieces
Shattered like glass slippers
You were afraid of him
While we
Would have loved him

His name was Zachary.
Zachary Dutro-Boggess.
I wrote your name
Onto a piece of paper
And folded it into a daisy
Because something beautiful
Had to come out of your story
Your birthday curled down
Over one of the petals
3 days before the day you died
You turned 4 years old
I wonder what you wished for
When you blew out your candles
I wonder what you wished for
When you first met God
Way too young
And he showed you
What love really was

The elements and I
Have a special connection

Earth:
I feel as though,
I am six feet under
Every day and night

Wind:
The gale's greedy fingers
Push me slowly
Toward the edge of the cliff

Water:
The strong ocean
Pushes me under
Continually

Fire:
The beautiful flames
Lick my skin
Slowly burning me to ash

I have a special connection
With the elements

Of all the things you mean to me,
I don't feel like we're best friends anymore.
There are too many unspoken truths between you and me;
Too many mixed up lies.

Now I want to tell you everything
I've been hiding for so long.
You've been here since the beginning.
Please don't forget me in the end.

If I were happier
I might say that the softly dripping drops of rain
tease my senses with sweet surprises,
or that they fill me with romantic desire
to which only you can help me aspire;
but such sentiments are all in vain,
for in my misery I only see the shame
of such a pitiful excuse for a storm
which I would have hoped to knock me roughly to the ground.
it is ugly and certainly says nothing of romance;
i wouldn't want to curse anyone with a kiss under this mess.

I hate everything I write
I hate every word
every rhyme
I hate all of it
and secretly I want you
to hate me too

Come to me woman
as creatures of light often do
float into my arms,
dig your talons into my chest
exposing what lie beneath
my muscle bound flesh.
Lay kisses upon me;
in such succession
that they burn my skin
like lightening
and make my heart pound
like thunder.

Undo these buttons
with nimble fingers,
remove from my body
this disguise I wear for others
and see me,
I ask that you see me
as I refuse to see myself.
Touch me with soft hands
until I am a statue in your grasp,
bite my neck, as your palms caress.
Each stroke shortening
my every breath.

I will take you like this,
disrobe you, see through you
and your eyes will come alive
shinning upon me like great stars.
I bury myself so deep
that the lines between
what is yours and mine
become one in the same.
Now my darling
as my hands clinch your hips
And you ****** your body upon me
like Cato Minor  upon the sword;
call out to me, cry my name.

I wrestled with the black sea
that brood inside of her,
but nothing I possessed
could stop that dark tide
from taking her.