One feeling that causes the most painful tears that makes one feel the wrinkles forming between their brows and the constant questioning one's self of how is that of falling short of expectations, and while you may not care, want to meet them, want to be there, falling flat is a ****** feeling and regardless of your attitude, that's a fact.
When you let someone down, your family, your friends, your love, you feel this sense of being so close. I could've been a better cousin, and I could've been nicer, I could've done what was right and not what wasn't, I could've held you tighter.
Yes, you could've, but those expectations would only be higher if you did, and the so close feeling would come back into play. This is why I say to myself,
"You do this to yourself, and you know you do."
At the end of the day, you decide whether you were accomplished, and the only person you can't let down is yourself. Keeping this in mind, and knowing these impossible unrealities are mine, I strive everyday to be my best self, and one day, she, I will be able to find.