i still
do not know
the poem i've been trying to write
and maybe
that's because
i haven't been
writing one at all
or maybe it's because
the poem i've been trying to write
is not ready for paper
and maybe
i'm the paper
that's not ready for it

I grow fond of you with the each passing day,
You draw me close, in every way.

I wish things were different, what can i say
I'm just a wanderer I will move away...

But if you ever want me to stay
Reach me out because im no further than, just one call away...

You've seen me smile
Through the highest highs
Held me when I've sobbed
And dried my eyes.

No matter what
And no matter when
You've proven yourself
The truest of friends.

Wherever fate takes us
Whatever we do
You'll always love me
And I'll always love you

sometimes i dont eat
the longest i've gone
is three weeks
i lay in bed ,my stomach in knots
cant stand up too quickly
dont wanna see spots
my body failed me again
bile came, hunger left
i cant quite remember when
water is my only friend
it soothes the hurt
acid reflux temporarily ends
water runs down my throat
when i move, it sloshes in my belly
sound like waves against a boat  
heartburn comes at night
my body and brain are at war
im kept awake while they fight
headaches come back
it hurts to open my eyes
i know its from the calories i lack
when i can handle a taste other then bile
i eat and eat , i'm called a pork chop
i know its a joke so i hide the pain with a smile
if only they knew
how i hate my body
and the pants sizes i blew
but its something i keep to myself
no need to bother someone else
its not like am a fragile doll on a shelf
....or am I ?

Often I find myself questioning everything
is it worth it?
why do I care?
why do I contemplate?
Seems like everytime I'm around someone I can't seem to get it right
I keep to myself but then it becomes an issue
people think I'm out of touch or just lost
far from that more like ready to burst
too honest at times I would say
and I guess some can't handle it and just rather not come my way
Truth hurts it's part of the reason I rather wear my heart on my sleeve no need to deceive
I'll let you keep thinking you know what's going on and it's exactly what you see.