how brave you are,
to hold that weight upon your back,
yet pretend it doesn't exist.
so fresh, your world,
you shut your eyes.
dreaming of a different life.
lose yourself to simple thoughts,
you worry wart,
perfection curved.
not good enough to see your worth.

down goes the world,
the only kind you ever knew,
skies felt grey,
in the truest of blue.
your mind was lost,
you dimmed all your fire,
you held to each thought,
as each one felt much lighter.
all things have collapsed,
your breath of relief,
the sky was now broken,
your words now unspoken.

would you bury my best,
just to see if i breathe?
would you tear in my skin,
just to count all the seams?
am i all that you want,
all those sins that you need?
can i hold all your words,
just to show what they mean?

i wasn't part of it,
starting off glowing and clean,
you dug in my face,
just to call me a thing.
felt all your downfalls,
falling between,
filled all your cracks,
while i'm tortured by scenes.

Why do you
keep going
back to the ones who've hurt you
wasn't the memory enough?

Why do you
keep going
back to the toxicity
wasn't one inhalation enough?

Something felt wrong
I told you no
But you were so strong
I had no choice

I was only five years old
When all this began
How could you be so cold
You were supposed to protect me

Let’s play a game; hide and seek
I was to hide
I wasn’t to speak
You always found me

Hunted me like prey
Ripped off my clothes
As I began to pray
Clenching my eyes

Singing songs in my brain
Keeping my mouth shut
Pretending not to feel any pain
To scared to do anything more

For years you abused me
Until one day you were caught
I was finally free
Or so I thought

The memories of what you’ve done
Haunt me every time darkness replaces the sun

Escape ,
that's what I would do
when things would get tough.
I would binge,
dream, eat, read & scroll.

I would create another world
where I would live,
free to be.
The place I would
forget about my happenings,
but this was not reality.

I would procrastinate and escape,
but my reality would await
to cuff me away.

With every escape,
my reality would become
a struggle to face

To everyone I was living life
but was I?
For my body was anchored to this world
While my head flew to another

Then came a time
When I no longer wanted to hide
Even though I knew
I did not have the appetite
Because my reality had
become so hard to emotionally swallow
But there was no choice
but to face

Courage
Step by Step
Patience through it all
Change finally came across
And my reality had become a better place

Maybe,
I never felt deserving
or enough
for love.
So, I let
my mind break my heart,
before you get a chance
to break it.

your face in that country,
it still remains lovely.
the love that it broke,
once left me with nothing.
and know I've loved angels,
but nothing as true,
all the life that i gave them,
was once all for you.

your eyes melt mine,
but still i stare.
your laugh brings back,
what wasn't there.