a poem to no one
is a true story
that hasn't happened
yet

I demand simplicity in your answer,

no intricate web of deceit,
no grand den of lies.

But then you only said,

"Yes."

...

You are the only one I'll ever hate.
You are everything I don't want to be.
You are sins.

You are my inferiority complex.

we all carry sadness
differently
some people carry it in their eyes
some carry it in their heart
i carry mine
in my stomach
and
i don't feel well tonight.

for now
i shall have to keep you
tucked away
in a  far away pocket of my mind
but i can't seem to find a pocket
secure enough
because you just keep
coming back
to the front of my mind
and i wouldn't mind
if it stopped
need to find my focus
but keep losing focus
need a pocket
big enough to keep
the thought of you
secure
but there isn't a lock strong enough
to hold back the thought of you
and maybe that would be easier
if you only took up residence in my mind
but it seems
that you have  also
taken up residence
in my heart.

I work in a hospital,
sterile, too bright, monitors beep,
everything's bleak except you.
I know you're dying and as I check your vital signs I try not to speak.
You tell me once you're better you'll take me to dinner,
I wish I was optimistic, I wish I didn't know better.
So instead I take my breaks in your room,
we sit there and talk over ****** hospital food.
When I work night shifts I watch your mother cry while you sleep,
It's eight o-clock, she hasn't had dinner, I remind her to eat.

my heart
will never be as heavy as the ones of the
children who are forced to learn the anatomy of a gun
in two seconds
flat. it doesn't matter if you believe in
god. god finds calm in
violence, god doesn't come
here, to the schools that are named after presidents and
townspeople who've done good
deeds, places
that were supposed to be
safe.

my heart
will never be as heavy as the ones of the
parents who sent their kids to
school in dresses and ironed
khakis and two little
pigtails and got them back in
body bags. there are no
flags here. no Purple Hearts
for the kids who couldn't wait long enough to find
god.