Bedrooms are intimate. Showing someone exactly where you breathe is special. To see it, they have to worship every breath that goes in and out, even if your exhale is poison.
The walls still smell like you
Last week, I pulled the sheets off the bed. I placed them in the burn pile.
I do not wish to see you.
This week, I painted everything a new color, a darker shade.
I pulled down the Christmas lights and let my stars burn out. I placed them in the burn pile.
I do not wish to see you.
I ripped stuffed animals off the shelves and letters off the dresser. Even the photo album went in the burn pile.
I do not wish to see you.
The flowers off the desk... They were dead anyway.
I do not wish to see you.
Everything in a bedroom is sacred. Not everyone belongs there; you sure didn't. You kissed everything with fiery lips and charcoal dust and I am still sweeping up. I continue to find your ashes in my bed.
I do not wish to see you.
You took everything. You took my air and gave me back poison. I couldn't tell the difference. But the worst thing you took from my room is me.
I do not wish to see you.
I do not wish to see you.
*I put you in the burn pile. I see you in the flames. I see you everywhere.
I start to tear at the drywall.

watch out for ***
and drugs
they said
"don't dye your hair"
"study hard" and, my personal favorite,
"it gets better" when in fact it doesn't
at least not for years and months and days
spent underneath my bed staring at the coiled springs
poised to collapse under the weight of my thoughts.
Collect yourself, pick up your safety razors, take an Advil.
Split open your legs and wrists and fingertips
and maybe then will you be free of weight
of bone-stones
of whitewashed emotions and an ignorant sun
that smiles with bliss
and turns my face to the sky.

You kissed me
and I caught a virus
called lust.
You ran through my
Fever aching head
causing a seizure
I awoke and you were dead.

I coughed up dust
and your power disappeared,
I panicked, I feared.
It was over, I knew.
I sneezed
and out
blew you.

I don't like being "happy"

Because happiness is only momentary

It's an erratical state

It can last days or it can last for minutes, either way it always ends too quickly.

And then your kind of thrown into that limbo of sadness and melancholy

There isn't a light at the end of this , because your not in a tunnel

You're just there , you're not even stuck because this isn't a momentary state


We're cutting out the *******, ,lets be honest

Life *****

Situations ****

Family ****

Friends , if you can call them that........ ****

There's no such thing as stability,
there's no haven,
there's no safe word
, there's no pause

There's no stopping it

That's just how it is

Its that eternal numbness that just seeps it's way in

as poisons and suffocates the mind

until everything is just ,

grey

he is the reason for the blood in my veins
and he is the reason for my finger on the trigger.