I’ve never broken down like that before

My feet went numb
My head was made of stone
My eyes were waves
My voice was crackling like rocks
My hair was draping
The floor was my bed
Your words were my antagonist

I couldn’t breath

I couldn’t believe

I was breaking

Meet me at the back of the crowd
this could be our time to slip away
you say the bigger you dream
the smaller your street looks in the rain
ah come on now
you and I both know this is so much more now
than just being bored

I guess I have nothing else to say about Angle

He never loved me then
And he never loved me now

I hope I can recover way more quickly
This time

(Nice sad convo)
Him) “see you tomorrow, alright”
Me) “you too.”

With a period

Say something
I told him
I’m waiting for a response

You opened up to me
All flesh and bone
You let me see your weakest and strongest parts


I was in all of them

In desperate measures
I say to myself
“I can care less”

You point to everyone including me
Saying in quotes
“I don’t need you, I don’t need you, I don’t need you!”
As you say your going to “******* leave”
A feel a sharp tear pass my face
First it was one
Then it turned to waves
I keep a stone face
I never knew I could be so strong
Without you

The room was filled with an aroma
Even though I was sick
I could still tell it was your cologne
Too strong
(As always)
As I laugh it off
I start to cry

Your kindness can be easily mistaken for love
It’s disturbing
And I’m tired
You make my head hurt

We don’t talk and that’s okay
Things can change in seven days
I know it was the age
My golden age

I remember being able to see your eyes in the flowers
My dreams
My paintings
And in my life
Now the only thing I can see you in are glances from the other room

You still bring me flowers
Only to see them die
By all the smashed vases you bring along

Ill hug you
like the draped silk over the coffee table

Can you for once
Take me serious
I know how you feel
Your the one who's scared
I loved you
And still love you

I gave you ‘’my’’ opportunities
My self worth
My time
My body
Just to you

Now that you're leaving  
Can’t you just leave me a part of you
I know it seems selfish but It's just not fair

I gave you love
True love
And all I got back in return was.

I miss your kitchen window view
The effect I had on you
Your voice is lost in static waves
Erased by every day
I still watch the daisies you planted me
Every now and then I sit out side my window
After the rain I like to view the muddy soil
Your foot steps still echo through the walls  
I’m writing this as I paint your portrait

It was night
You were walking alone
I should have walked with you
I should have told you
You were special
You were wasting my time
And I didn’t stop it on purpose
All because I’m so scared
I’m scared to hear “******”
I’m scared to be screamed at
I’m scared to be
I’m scared to be
I’m scared to be alone
Now you’re gone
You were never in my grasp
I can’t wait for a month
Should I tell you?
I’m horrified

It’s my decision to be happy at the end of the day
Not yours

Your the very reason
I grip my body pillow at night

You show me off
as if i'm the plant on your hanging bracket
am I a accessory or a necessity
make up your mind

I like gettin you mad
The same way I dab red lollipops onto my lips to make them warmer
I wonder if you notice my change of tone
I’m just trying to get you hyped
I just want your attention
Your selfish attention
Your worse than me

Thanks to you,
I made it
And I’m not sure if I’m ever gonna go back


- Alan

I wish to see you in my dreams
I wish to see your beauty that you call home
I wish to get to know you

In the morning I’ll pick you up to go to school
Hold your hands even though your nervous
In the halls
Let everyone stare
They don’t know this feeling

We’ll skip classes
Run around the football field
Dance and trip
Make up fake passes

We’ll hide behind the tree’s shadow
While my hands on your face
We’ll see eachother from our perspectives
And share a quiet moment
And a kiss

Now noticing that we
Can be loved by strangers
And laugh
And leave school early

As I woke
I walked over to the pool
The lights rays bursting into my eyes
I don’t mind it

I grab a chair and take in the silence
Surveilling every detail
To the birds
The clouds
The movements of the water
Even me siting there all alone

As I come back to reality
I see that I wrote you a letter
“I’ve felt you leave me. Your presence.”
“So to my dearest Angle, I will start to move on.”

One day I’ll wisper this to a hole in the ground
And bury it
Planting a sunflower seed with it
I’ll watch it nourish and blossom
Both in the earth
And in me

I’ll leave you saddened with the idea
“I can stand myself being alone”
Maybe for a little longer
I just want to find out if you’ll try to stop me

You weaved yourself into my lovely embroidery
I wish you didn’t mess it up
But it’s lovelier
Minimalistic and abstracted (a tree tapestry)

You taught me
That I can’t do this alone
But I’m not sure about that
I feel your roots in me
I know your trying to take my soil

Over time a tree blossomed and produced fruit
Now that your gone
It’s starting to wilt a bit
It’s my duty now to nourish it

Even though the fruit is too bitter and sour
The aftertaste is sweet
I’ll share them, like my poems
Letting everyone enjoy it or dislike it

I’ve fallen more in love with your love letters than yourself
Your emotions so captivating and exotic to me
I wish it was meant for me
But I can relate and imagine there is somebody writing me these things

I love listening to “hard to find songs”
I like to think that I’m the only one listening to them
Right now
In this very moment
I want to believe it’s not true

Are those two green chairs a figment of my imagination
I don’t know where they came from
They don’t see it
No one else sits on them
They all pass them by looking for seats
As I make my way over
I hear the echoing of your screams as you fell in the shower
It haunts me
As if when you die
I will too
I feel at home
I’m writing this while searching for those two green chairs again

There’s so many things I hate to say
But it’s true
I miss you
The way you move
The way you walk
The way you look aloof

Fills the air
We intertwine  
Should have kissed you

But it’s true
It didn’t work
We didn’t try
I miss your curls
I miss your mind
I miss your body
I miss your name
Wish you felt the same

There’s reason I hate to say these things
But it’s true
I just missed you

I’ve never fallen more in love with the sea
Than to the day
I saw a reflection in it

You are the dread of  waking up in a lonely bed
In the morning
As you start to wake, you will be reminded of her
I will force myself out of bed, reminding myself of you
While your shuffling with your lighter
I’ll be swifting my bitter coffee
You will never fully leave me because,
You never fully stayed
As you look up to the sky
You won’t feel a thing
As I look up to the sky I will feel the pleasure of being alone
When you walk alone on the street
I will be wanting to run wild through it (listening to lorde)
When my hair gets blown by the wind
I will embrace it
You will just try to fix it later

If I ever gave you the chance
I would fall in love with your words
I’d let myself
Only if you wanted

It’s funny to think about
How your name was Angle
But you weren’t one

Sometimes I can’t sleep at night
I think about your hair
Your eyes
The way you’d put your arm behind your head
When we’d talk
The glances we’d make

It’s been seven months now
I’m in theatre
I met this boy also named Angle
He looks the same
Has the same hair
Even talks the same

I feel like I was given the chance to fix things
As if life brought me up to not make the same mistakes as before

The day I found out he just got out of a relationship with a girl named Jasmine
I...I don’t know
I know now he’ll never love me
The same as the other Angle
I need to stop focusing on boys

But I desperately want to feel loved
So I’ll sleep on it
Thank you for listening

“Those Days”

Those days remind me of the loneliness you pulled me from my knees through
Remember, my head was the one in the water not yours
Your hands were over my head not mine

You forced your way in making me think I caused the infidelity
Your the problem, look in the mirror
I’m your reflection
Your not here

I don’t know you
But we sleep in the same covers

You cover
I cover

I’ll recover

The fights we had were quite abnormal
They were quiet
And quite home

I’ve know your beauty ever since day one
I’m captivated to be just like you
The part of you that I long to rule over every persona
You don’t try to be good, you are good
I’ll remember this till the day I die
As we speak of this while on the shore
we see the woman watering her dandelions on the hill side
We wait patiently for the sun to come and to end
Never viewing ourselves, but viewing the world surrounding us

As I slowly drift into the abyss of your love letters
I slowly drift out of reality
I can see roses in your eyes
It calls me
You want me
You call my name
To share a kiss
But know I give only you my bliss
It’s been pluperfect
You say to me
“Nests are hosts to birds, rocks to fish, eyes to handsome boys”
My dear beloved
Pluperfect