I wish you wouldn't look for me in my poems
Contrary to popular belief,
I wish you would look for yourself in them

Dahlias, little blue fence, the sweet breeze; long grass in the frontyard.
Kisses with intent lips, September; lemon-poppyseed cake.
The big moon.
Dogs howling, a scratch from a bramble on my wrist.
10pm and the rainfall.
9am and a rainbow arcs over our house which resembles a doll house.
Who is the antagonist in this mess of a story?
...
Burning love-notes in the kitchen,
The coffee tastes wrong, WE used to share it.
You take the puppy and leave only flower-petals in the sink as proof you were ever here.
Cigarettes and nightwalks, dawn; waking in the backseat of my car and hangovers hanging over.
Goodbye dahlias and house with little blue fence,
Bye comfort.
The world is a newborn.
I am at my beginning too and I take a breath....

A light by the hall,
A key under the mat,
An extra plate on the table
Habits
Have such a habit
Of not leaving,
The way she keeps watering dead flowers
Hoping they’ll grow back
Hoping that if she just keeps
Giving them what flowers need,
They’ll stop being dead
Can someone
Anyone
Tell her
They’re never coming back?

its when you fall asleep at 4 in the morning
knowing full well you have to wake up at 7
its 6 cups of coffee and a pack of smokes
anything to get you through the day

its stumbling into work 10 minutes late
hoping to God that nobody asks you why
its shedding weight because you can't eat anymore
and self-deprecating jokes about your raccoon eyes

its when your posted up at the bar
with no clue what the time is
its that sinking feeling in your stomach when you think
the bartender knows you better than your own friends

its trying to move on
but not believing you can
its wishing she still loved you
and that you could find peace again

I've been choking on the heart I tried to eat.
Its hard to breathe, at least it tastes sweet.
I found my throb buried in your chest.  
I ripped it out and started to build a nest.
A messy wound, i keep it clean.
I'll hold you up, or you can lean.
You stumble cower, you've been spent.
My loves desire sparks like flint.
You've cut me off and tied me tight.
I wont let you bleed out in the night.
Your heart I swallowed.
Ripped it out whole.
It sits in my chest perfectly fits in the bowl.
You ate mine, and now we are even.
Don't count on me ever leaving,

When I look at her I see pain.
In the dark nights I hear her silent pleas.
She screams about the rain.
How it never stops.
How it's pounding her Brain.
Yes down falls the rain.
Yesterday night she fell weak to the blade.
Told me she'd be strong.
Promised nothing would go wrong.
I went to bed only in the morning to hear her gentle voice say...
"I'm sorry I wasn't strong."
It's okay I replied. You made it through the night.

Alot was counting on you, you're still deciding who's all plotting on you, i may never understand, we're an unbreakable chain when i hold your hand, god doesn't even understand how cold this world is im steadily losing focus