Foot Tapping
Hand Shaking
Mind Racing
Walls Breaking
Strength Taking
Nail Biting
Head Throbbing
Knees Clattering
Teeth Chattering
Life Shattering

Hyperventilation
Depleting Frustration
Suffocation
A Painful Sensation
Desperation
Without Moderation
Devastation
Eternal Damnation
Deprivation
Emotional Mutilation
Derealization
Fear Escalation
Depersonalization
Self Extermination

When i said
'living on the edge'
this was never what i meant.
What i meant was a real party all night
without a parents' permission;
not a pity party at night
with my self destructing notions.
What i meant was real rollercoasters
or going on life adventures;
not rollercoasters of all my life's emotions.
What i meant was a swim in the ocean
or to face my darkest fears;
not an ocean
of my darkest fears facing me.
And when i said
put 'happy' and 'die' together;
i meant to 'die happy'
not be 'happy dying'.
My life is not what i had meant

i'm not sure what i expected,
but what you had should not have been accepted.
i should have seen it in the black of your eyes,
but they were clouded from all your lies.
i should have listened to their warnings,
but instead i was left mourning.
i thought that i was learning,
but instead i was left yearning.
You left with all my happiness,
and now all i seem to ask for is your forgiveness.
And even though i have not seen you in years,
i could still cry you a river of tears.
i would never accept the opportunity to try,
so instead, i guess this is goodbye.

i hate the feeling of sleet assaulting my skin because its sting feels so much like a strike from your hands.