As I walk into my kitchen I see you sit, one leg over the other paper in hand, I say hello and you answer in the most sarcastic way possible, it used to annoy me but now I do it back with a smile.

As I sit down you get up, at one time you could leap but now I look on with shock as you struggle to your feet. When I ask do you need help you look at me like I have ten heads. At one time I can admit I didn't care but now that I can notice all I do is stare.

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and all I can think about is when will the clock stop and it is your turn to retire for good, but right now I will enjoy these sarcastic tones and stupid jokes because that is what daddies are for.

Today i wake up, head pounding stomach churning, my eyes adjust to the light in the room. I put my hands to my face, I notice my wrists as I do.

I feel angry at myself I feel fine I don't need any help. Why would I need it when there's others that are worse than I, come on it's been a while I barely even cry.

I feel embarrassed, I hide the pain sketched onto my wrist, I try to forget that they exist.
I tell no one of what I have done, I don't need help the battle has been won.

It's another night filled with thoughts, my inner self speaks with such anger and sadness, you aren't good enough you can't do anything you will always have me here to put you down like they always do.

It haunts me when I wake up, I brush the thoughts to the back and focus on the good but she comes out screaming like a monster i really don't need, my family wonder why I stay alone in my room but it is because I am too afraid to speak.

The thoughts get too much sometimes so I try to write the words spill out onto a page while I try to fight back tears and anguish the battle that is constantly changing from good to bad, sometimes I wonder why do I feel so sad.

My friends try to help me cause I speak about it as they are survivors who are much stronger than I, sometimes I feel I should give up and stop trying.

I wish I could sleep and think happy thoughts but the battle is not over not by a long shot sometimes the writings help get things off my mind but I still can't think of the reasons as to why I cry.

Today I see people who want relationships, but aren't willing to put in the work, to be honest we all have done it.

They want the feel of a relationship but not the title, they want to date but have others on the side. Hookups are a must but a date is too much.

They send explicit pics saying how much they want it, instead of a message detailing how much they want the person and just them. If the message is sent it's to more than one.

They want the *** but not the work, most people nowadays don't care for relationships and it makes me sad especially when you think you have connected with them on a level that is second to none but once they get what they want they are gone.

As I sit and scroll through the photos I'm turned to one, we were both smiling. Little did they know the secrets that were hiding.

For in that moment everything was okay it was a great day for us, hanging with friends having great fun. Until a bottle came out and the fun was gone little did they know what trouble we caused.

We loved each other deeper than I once knew, this just felt all brand new, as I sit and think of the times all the shouting and tears rolling from my eyes.

That one photo, the very photo I loved so much brought back memories I wish I could just let go because behind the smiles when a bottle came out happiness was gone and anger became the norm, so I deleted the photo the damage was done, even though you're gone I have definitely won.

I wish you knew how beautiful you are, you think you are not just because you have scars.

I will sit with you and do everything to make you smile, because of you I have not known pain in the longest while.

I compliment you everyday, I know you will always shy away from the words I say because you have been hurt before, but I can promise I am different not like those who broke you like a glass mirror, leaving shattered pieces on the ground.

I will always be here to help you no matter what you say or do cause all I want is to see you smile and hear you laugh too, cause the sound of your laugh feels me with a happiness that nothing else can.

I cannot wait to see what the future holds knowing that you will be by my side, just waking up to see you every morning and holding you every night is something I love to do, don't worry about scars and those who have hurt you, I will always make sure to make you smile even if it isn't for long, you can make it through anything because I believe in you.