This time I have,
is but a gift.

Meant to heal
broken skin
and fractured bone.

But I realise
that there's more...

•••

What if,
repairing physical damage
is but a facet of
unanticipated tribulation?

What about...
Shattered thoughts?
Disjointed ideals?
Misplaced hopes?
Askewed trajectories?

•••

Maybe...
This time too is meant
to get my stars in alignment.

But right now there just aren't any...

He made sure I knew just how lucky I was to have him
But he never hit me
He played games with my emotions repeatedly
But he never hit me
He made sure I didn’t leave the house in a skirt above the knees
But he never hit me
He knew the words to say to make me feel so small that I could not breathe
But he never hit me
He tossed me in and out, in and out, until my mind was in an out of control tizzy
But he never hit me
He messed around on the side late at night while I rested in our bed
But he never hit me
He made it clear that I wasn’t to go out at night with the girls
But he never hit me
He told me over and over again just how hard it would be to find anyone else to deal with me
But he never hit me
He fell asleep safe and sound as I laid in bed trying to catch my breath through tears
But he never hit me
He needed to have the password to every device, app and account
But he never hit me
He knew the power he held and used it over my head to weaken me
But he never hit me
He made jokes at my expense in front of friends and family and we all giggled together instead of cringed
But he never hit me
He assured me the women he texted were coworkers or colleagues but I could never know what they spoke of
But he never hit me
He made it clear that my interests and goals were not of pertinence
But he never hit me
He knew the exact words to say to take my entire day downhill
But he never hit me
He broke my heart over and over and over again until it was minuscule shreds
But he never hit me

My emotions are starting
to collapse
into my flesh
They’re seeping through
my veins
Physically
Feeding into my heart

We’ve created bonds
so pure
so precious
very deep
Bonds that now
are like invisible strings
of auroras
tangled through
the space and time
across countries
and continents

I want to pull onto
those strings
I want to pull them
closer
But they’re just light
and air

I can only pull
with my heart
which has already
collapsed
into its own depths
and onto itself

Veins start to shift
with arteries
I just don’t know anymore
what is it that
I am being given
by the world
And what is it
that I am giving out
I just cannot tell
what exactly is
flowing into my heart
and what it is
I’m trying to
exhale out

My body starts to lag
My cheeks viciously
feed on my tears
They don’t get the chance
to fall out
of my eyes
And just as they do
my tears dry
into my skin

And again ..

I can’t tell anymore
I feel
no more
Or perhaps my tears
have lost their way
They no longer know
what and whom
to cry for

Do you feel
what I’m trying to say?

You tell me
feelings transcend
across countries and continents
across oceans
Yet
your words cease
across my mirage-like cheeks
where my tears go
to dry

And then I remember
again
those bonds of hearts
like mine
like yours
like theirs
I remember the closeness
of our intertwining souls

All of you come
to memory
And your breaths
become my lullabies
to bed
as I try to remember
your inhales and exhales
your pulse
as I hugged
each and every
one of you

Then you put me
to sleep
for the night

Does it sting you?
The way I look at you
Because baby, you’re like alcohol
to my bleeding cuts
whenever you look at me

Do my kisses revive your being?
Because baby,
your kisses only **** me
as I inhale the traces
of nicotine in your breath

Do our songs make you yearn
for my fingertips
caressing your hands
as we drive into the night?
Because baby,
my internals screech
for your touch
Baby, I hate our songs

Do you feel yourself suffocating
every night?
As I step out
when you drop me off
Because baby,
I feel myself falling
out of your skyscrapers
and into the cold abyss
of black skies

Does the word goodbye
asphyxiate your lungs
as you enunciate it?
Because baby,
my lungs collapse
as my ribcage closes in
to hug them when
your hugs are no longer there
to contain me

Yes
I exaggerate
in the ways that I miss you

Yes
It hurts me
the way I love you

So let us say our goodbyes already

Baby please
just go

Halloween night on this hallowed ground
I stand here among all these terrifying sounds
With the sky so dark the moon barely glows
The creatures of the night gather around close
Hiding in the shadows of the night
Trying to give me a big ole fright
But what these monsters do not know
I have come prepared with my own ammo
Wolf man steps up with his intent to maul
but I distract him by throwing a tennis ball
A witch flies in and thinks I didn't spot her
then flies away when I spray holy water
Dracula with no one around to judge
Was happy I brought him a bag of blood
Frankenstein was pretty easy to fend
All he wanted was to have a new friend
Moral of this story is pretty simple...
Yes monsters are out there
but lets clear up all the confusion
The real monsters out there are human

Happy Halloween HP :)