[x] Denial: i ran to the ends of the earth to get some answers. Death was the only response I received. No! That didn’t happen! Leave me alone!

- [x] Anger: why am I cursing your name in these recycling bins? I hate you with all my being! I’m so glad I don’t have to see you. I hope you rot like a corpse in the dying cemetery.

- [x] Bargaining: please, I’ll stop wining if I get her back. I won’t complain anymore; I won’t dare act put out. I’ll respond to her old texts or emails or whatever. I’ll do anything...

- [x] Depression: my bones are aching. I can’t hold myself upright. In fact- I hate myself. I gag watching my reflection in the mirror. If you stopped liking me, who can love me now? I used to admire the ripples in the stream, but now I punch the water and cry until my hands are pruny. It’s not healthy, but I’m hopeless and nothing can fix me.

- [ ] Acceptance: yesterday I thought of you and I didn’t frown. I smiled bittersweetly, cause you are gone still, but it’s over. You were a fabulous friend for all those years. I won’t forget that. I’ll let go of the sorrow and the years we spent together. I’ll walk the way of the weather vane and dry my tears in the light of the sun. Thank you for the moments and goodbye my old solider.

i’m **** foggy on the memory
but i know you aren’t
my pulse is rumbling like a
freight train gaining speed
faster than lightening
ur gonna die, steve.
i wanna kiss your dimples
as you hold me as a tote
and tell me like a joke.
i’m purple
i’m bruised
do you got a leg up
on me for some reason
i’d still take that beating
to glow like a red hot
on a gingerbread man
and reek of pies
draped in leopard skin
i am not a vegan
how many times can i tell you this, steve!
are you crazy?!
i wanna go back to the foggy memories
and the summer seasons
caught in barbed wire
or fishnet
i’m not a vegan, steve!
stop touching me with your
mechanic hands and eyebrows
i am so exhausted from this torture
just **** me sir
stop decorating me with
wrapping paper
putting the bow on the box
i am not beautiful steve
how many dang times can i tell you this!
i am not a good person
i am the devil
we get it, you’re elvis
but i am memphis
you wouldn’t be anything without me
honey
ugh, but you’re disgusting
quit pacing around
the corridors
come home, stop making
homemade torture
homemade bombs
drugs for me to take
don’t rip out my brains!
please, steve, don’t do this to me!
how many times can i tell you this?
you mean dang nothing to me
if you bring me back
or place me in the cemetery
with mustard seeds
maybe you’ll mean something
but stop acting like you love me, steve.
you love my actions
and my cardamom tongue
you don’t like the people i love
the figures i look up to
get out of my delicious drink
how many times can i tell you this?
you are bitter
like strawberries
i can’t dip you in the chocolate sauce anymore
get out of my mouth
out of my brain
those double dimples
don’t phase me anymore
leave me alone to my crying, steve!
how many times can i tell you this?
i don’t wanna taste the scent
of your fake glamour
get out of my house, steve
how many times can i tell you this?
go drown in the ocean of the devils
you’d fit in there
cannibalistic carnivore
psychopathic idiot
go die in a hole, steve.
gotta get those peach dimples
out of your melting face
and make them into earrings.
how many times can i tell you this?
i hate you steve!

you stand on the dock of the ship
watching the waves rise and fall
over and over again.
you cower over the edge
glancing softly
but stained from the sword slashes.
you want to see the foreign substance
taste the liquid solution
choke your soluble throat
and bomb the disapproval of the miscreants.
you don’t know what to do—you’re conflicted.
you were told to make the best decisions
but what if you could never determine this?
maybe just one step
and the day’s treachery
and the slavery of the industries you can’t deny
will be gone with the snap of a finger.
you precede slowly
glance at the roaring aqua
and you don’t stop.
you don’t lose.
you only see blue.