Dear whoever you are,

That bed,
that wretched bed.

Those sheets,
those cold and unforgiving,
sheets.

What possessed you?
What gave you the right?
What made you think it was okay?

What made you think what you'd done was okay?

What gave you the right?
What gave you the power?

Did you feel strong overcoming a child?
Did you feel manly knowing I couldn't defend myself?

I have nightmares about you
I wake up crying...

My friends have to stay on some sort of video chat,
just to make sure I sleep okay.
To make sure I don't wake-up sobbing

I was only a kid.
I don't even remember your face,
all you are is a blur...
But when I think of you

god I feel so filthy,
sometimes I make myself sick.

Sometimes I wake up,

and my body burns,
my skin crawls,
my throat closes up,

I cant breathe.
I cant think when I'm reminded of you.

What was your name?
How old were you?
How old was I?

So much of my life is gone because of you,
my innocence,
my memories,
my happiness,
my self love..

But do you know what you took from me?
You took my trust,
my dignity.

How do you think I feel?
Nobody but my friends believe me.
Scratch that,
nobody but ONE of my friends believe me.

They think I'm making it up,
because I don't know your face,
or your name,
or even my age at the time.

My own family doesn't believe me.
They tell me to come to them if someone "touches" me..
but..
I told them i remembered what you'd done

They said I was making it up!
They said I was lying!

Not only did you take away my "flower"
You stole the one thing nobody has ever been able to restore..

You stole my trust
You stole my happiness...

You stole who I am...

But I wont let myself be a victim forever,
one day...

I will RISE above
I will become more than my history
I will stop fearing you beyond every corner
I will stop being afraid of adult men
I will become more than you

So dear whoever you are
I hope you suffer at the thought of me
Like I do you

Signed,
*Not your Victim

I fell for you.
You are my moon, my sun, my stars.
You sparked my flame.
You sparked my self love.
You sparked.. well.. Me.
But then you left.
You left me there
You wanted to "save me?"
You wanted me to go be happy
But Little did you know
You were my happy.
And when you left,
you said goodbye.
And I said goodbye
You thought I meant to you
but honestly
I was only saying goodbye
to the thought of ever being happy
with you
or anyone
Again.

Please..
Tell me it isn't true,
I'm praying, god I'm praying
I'm praying to a god I don't believe in
With tears that have fallen
Time and Time again
God, I hope
I hope with all of me,
This really isn't our loves end.

There's a fine line between wants and needs..
Before I know it, you were a need
You said you wanted me
But I needed you.
Now I feel like a fool
because honestly
I needed you
but you never needed me too...