The clock is stuck at 3:33 AM,
my mind is stuck in yesterday

I drink a glass of water,
and wait for my heart
to stop bleeding

My soul weeps,
but I don’t stop writing

I am the sunflower that
grows in your garden,
and worships you like the sun

My wasted memory
is messing with me.
A memory where
I was left
hanging threaded
through a needle
I found in a haystack.

My past showed up and
she sent my thoughts into
a vortex of uneasiness.

I tried to reconcile
with that memory,
but it wasn’t as
rectifying as I had hoped.

Chaos surrounds the calm realm
I store the memory—waiting for
its chance to erupt and
resurrect what I wished would stay
dead.

It’s a wasted memory
for a reason—
I want it to stay that way.

She comes off as rude
and makes it obvious—
the only time she ever
makes her intentions known.

She took advantage of
my vulnerability
and left me sunk
as lost treasure.

I need to learn
to see some things
for what they are sometimes,
and that sometimes
a memory is just a memory.

I’m wasted, it’s wasted;
give me a double shot
of Jack Daniels
and let’s keep things that way.

Somewhere in my memory there is a smile
One that has to hurt cheeks, one that barley fits a face
Somewhere in my memory there is a dirt road
And there is you
just ahead of me, you, looking back
You are wearing it with the streaming sunlight
Dazzling, moving in slow motion, my memory,
Gliding looking back at me smiling
And I can feel it, the tension of my own cheeks
The pull the of the moment
That somewhere in my memory I go to
when someone says your name
Like a small second long movie clip
Projected in front of me
While it folds into reality
The edges yellowing in the blue sky
And gravel road, the bubbling of the scene
Like a film roll burning mid show
Shaking me back to whatever in the present
Demands my attention

Somewhere in my memory there are fast food wrappers on the dash
They are faded and forgotten, sun bleached
Somewhere in my memory there is you cradled in the passenger seat
Leaned back, sipping on a slur-*** cup
Laughing at joke I cant remember

Somewhere in my memory the parking lot lights
Are only stars we were gonna get that night
Somewhere it starts to rain
I smell it through the open window pane
Thick and filled with nostalgia
The way every moment I have with you ever was

Somewhere in my memory you are crying, folding in on yourself
Knees to chest head buried,
somewhere I am sorry
Somewhere back there deep there are things I cant change
Somewhere in my memory, I'd like too

Somewhere in my memory I am posing cliff side
Crooked smiled and sun burnt, somewhere you have that camera
Pushed to your face concentration hidden beneath
Lens adjusting hands, lip bit and beautiful
Somewhere we ask for someone to take one of both us
Where it hangs not just in my memory but on our wall

Somewhere in my memory there was a time when you are not
Somewhere there are good memories that are missing you
And although I wish you could have been its not the truth
But From now on I wont have too

Somewhere in my memory there will be this moment
Me, wide eyed breathless and hanging on it
You beautiful and smiling through it

-e