Do you remember the questions
you used to ask about dying?
About grief and then pain
that wash over you in freezing pales of regret?
Are you supposed to remember every minuscule detail
before you completely forget?

You choke on your own verses
to convince yourself
and then everyone else
about acceptance--
the magic that should lead to recovery
yet, knowing that
most poems
are just lengthy epitaphs
for all the people
we refuse to bury alive;
that most poets die
as they try to relive
faded images,
wishing they could
turn back time.

There is love in lamentation--
in how the living die with the dead;
how years of November air
become the oxygen
that slowly suffocates them,
how the things they love most
create consuming black holes
they still succumb to
long after
their beloved's faux passing.

Teeth, and gums
A beat
Drums
Biting,
Tearing of flesh
Pain,
With "LOVE"
Ameshed,
Bleeding hearts
Pieces,
And parts

I don't know how I got up this morning
How I kept my eyes forced opened
Everyday it seems to get harder
I ask why
But I never find the answer

Why is it so hard for me to get up and live?
Is it because I forgot my dreams?
Do I wish to find them again when I sleep?
And relive them again and again
Creating new endings and possibilities

Have my eyes grown tired of watching the world day by day?
Has my schedule of everyday life become boring to my heart?
Is that why I can only take so much old that I want something new?

Have I lost all faith in me?
Is that the reason that I sleep
So that just maybe I could not see
The way I seem to ruin everything

Is my heart just way to weary?
Has it heard way to much?
Dose it remember my mothers words?
Worthless, useless, and dumb?

Why is it that I cannot wake?

TAKE CHANCES
TAKE THAT ANXIETY IN YOUR GUT AND LIGHT IT ON FIRE
AND USE THAT FIRE
USE IT TO SAY ***** YOU TO THE PEOPLE WHO DESERVE IT
AND I LOVE YOU TO THE PEOPLE THAT DESERVE IT

BE COURAGEOUS
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO JUMP OFF LEDGES AND START A REVOLUTION
START A REVOLUTION INSIDE YOURSELF THAT YOU NEED TO FIGHT FOR

WORK FOR NOBODY BUT THE PASSION THAT KEEPS YOU BREATHING
OH
AND IDENTIFY THAT PASSION THAT KEEPS YOU BREATHING
LET IT BE THE DOOR YOU BUST OPEN LIKE YOU OPEN YOUR HEART
AND FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE OPEN YOUR HEART
BECAUSE WHEN YOU REALIZE NOBODY IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT DOOR YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A KEY
THAT KEY IS YOUR HEART
THE DOOR OPENS WHEN YOU DO

YOU DO YOU
YOU BE WHOEVER YOU NEED TO BE WHENEVER YOU NEED TO BE IT
IF YOU WANT TO BE MORE HONEST
DON'T WAIT FOR THE RIGHT OPPORTUNITY TO COME CLEAN
DO IT NOW
IF YOU WANT TO SWITCH POLITICAL PARTIES
DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE RALLY IS OVER
DO IT NOW
IF YOU WANT TO PRAY TO GOD FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE YOU WERE A CHILD
DON'T WAIT TIL SUNDAY
DO IT NOW

START OVER
OR CONTINUE
WRITE NEW SONGS
OR SING OLD ONES
TAKE CHANCES

THERE COULD BE A LIST OF A MILLION THINGS THAT WILL HOLD YOU BACK
LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO BE ON THAT LIST
TAKE CHANCES

my internal clock is
hard wired to get
up early on thursdays
but not this early

(i can't sleep but
then again i could
just sleep and sleep
and sleep)

and after i stumbled
into work at six sharp
i discovered at nine
that i never showed up

*(i'm tired of
being alone
tired of empty
tired of snow)

A shooting star
my whole existence is
I used to believe that I am a new human
in your colourful life
a shooting star star
falling on the open field of hopes
of your dreams
I am falling now
with each and every  breath of yours
with every sun that rises
with every sun that dies
I am that shooting star
you believed in
but
I can't make your wish come true
I will just make myself true
even though
I don't shine in your Universe
even though
I am just the dying star
you have stepped on
on a lonely night
when the moon was shining
and the night on your heart
was covered with clouds.

I am the shooting star
falling
dreaming
of your eyes
of your smile.

In silence, I know
I am the only shooting star
with a destiny of its own.

A star who doesn't smile
nor falls
A star who just leaves
like the smoke of your cigarette
in the wind.

I am the shooting star star
you didn't see
the one who loves you
and you did not
believe.

I am full of memories
painted on our ceiling
when we were just two kids
and the rain wasn't hurting anyone

do you remember the smell of smoke
coming from the leaves our mother used to set fire to?
remember the November sunsets
when we'd play stupid games
and none of us was a winner?

remember how we used to sit in front of the fire
playing cards and drinking wine
we thought our lives would be like a smooth sailing on the ocean
yet here we are
miles away from each other
and the music doesn't sound the same
and our cards are missing
still no one is a winner

still
the smell of burning leaves wakes me up at night
still
we are apart
and the wine we drink daily
has no taste
and we keep on playing
even though our lives are like a wrecked ship
in the middle of an ocean that's always dark
we are still lying to ourselves
but deep inside we do know
the wine has changed its colour

and so did our eyes.

much  darker they are
much clumsier our fingers
much number the feelings

and
somewhere,
the leaves are falling
and they are burning
we just can't smell them
                       anymore.