I'm getting kind of tired of being so mad
Reliving the details of my past
over and over it doesn't help me much,
but I can't seem to stop.

And I'm getting tired of hurting so bad
from knowing I gave you all I had
over and over but it was never enough
so eventually I gave up.

I chose to let go
I chose to move on,
but the pain it still lingers and follows me home
every. night.
So I think I ought
to try something new
something to change how I feel about you
so this time,
I'm gonna say Thank You

Thank you for holding my heart too long
for teaching me right from wrong
thank you for the pain
I know that sounds insane,
but I'm grateful for the way you broke me down,
cause I built a new me
from the pieces on the ground

I don't like looking back,
three years ago I didn't have
any friends, any hope,
I gave them up all for a joke
of a man who laid his hands on parts of me he shouldn't have
and yes I knew, I swear I knew
that I had to leave but I couldn't move,
'cause at one point in time you had me by my mind
and I almost lost it all,
you didn't care you watched me fall,
but that was then and this is now and now is always gonna change,
but for today it's safe to say,
that I'm gonna be okay.
I say I'm gonna be okay.

I hope you hear me when I say these words aloud
I hope you still love me even though you hate me right now
Oh I hope you understand
this is who I am

You say it's not normal
That it's too much for you to handle
but I'm just starting to be myself.
I let this world make me someone else, for too long
So I hope you understand
that I'm not sorry for who I am.

I'm all consumed
but I don't want to be.
I can't shut it up
but I can barely think
about anything besides this.
I think I kind of like it.

I kind of like the chaos in my head.
Even when I hate it.
If it wasn't there
I think I would miss it.
Maybe that proves that I'm confused,
or maybe I'm just bat ****.
Does anybody have a jacket?

Sweetie I look good in white,
but padded rooms still leave a bruise.
I promise you.
I don't belong inside your box,
but I can't bite through all these god ****** locks.
And why the hell are there so many?
Do you actually think I'm crazy?
I listened and I took your help,
but I can't get out all by myself.
So I need you
to take that rusted metal key
and open up the door for me.

It's in these moments of calm that I feel the most panic
These moments when the TV is on
telling me a detailed story of someone else's life,
these moments when I am the most distracted,
that I am also the most aware of what's happening inside my body
Inside my head
It's in these moments of calm that I am the most afraid.

I had to silence
the violance
that happens in my soul and sends earthquakes through my world
I had to forget
the regrets
from the missed opportunities, maybe they just weren't meant for me
I had to quiet
the riots
between me, myself, and I, they happened all the time
And I just couldn't take another casualty
I had to shut myself up so I could listen to me...

I saw it coming from a mile away
Storm clouds over flowers holding all of the rain.
Ignorance is bliss until it starts to bleed,
bringing color to the things you never wanted to see

I saw it coming from a mile away
Heard the laughter of the people saying this is insane.
Ignorance is bliss until you open your eyes
And see the truth that we so desperately were trying to hide.

Velvet strings and diamond rings
Something old now feels so new
A delicate kiss on quiet lips
My borrowed heart belongs to you

Imagine a world where you know from the start
who you're "mean to be" with.
You'd never have a broken heart.
It's in this world where you would never cry
from all the times you lost the "love of your life"
Because you wouldn't have to.

You
I wanna know what keeps
You
Up at 3 am telling stories to an animated audience
Who
Makes a wild guess about what you've been through
but I wanna actually know about
You
I wanna know everything about you

Tell me about where you grew up
Tell me what your favorite color was
then and what it is now
Don't leave anything out
Tell me what your tatoos mean
And more about the sounds from your guitar strings
Did you like your home town?
Don't leave anything out

They say
wake up in the morning one more time
Here's your chance, do it right
Coffee stains my counter, I don't mind
cause it's my life.
It doesn't have to shine.

They say
dress yourself up nice it's almost nine
I know it's early when you've been up all night
Coffee burns my mouth but I don't mind
At least I know where
the pain is coming from this time.

I'll write in my diary like a little girl
I'll keep it all quiet, I won't say a word
No no, it's fine, another day, I'm getting by
I'll read all the books on how to fix myself
But until that day comes, I'll let the books fill my shelves
No no, it's fine, another dance, I've memorized

Another day, it's just another dance
Nothing seems to change, it's the same old count of 8
Another day, it's just another dance
If I don't break routine they won't see what's underneath

So I'll wake up in the morning one more time
Here's my chance to do it right
Now the keys are turning, car is starting up
I won't be late, case the questions wouldn't stop
I'll paint a smile on my face with all the detail that I can
Let the coffee burn my tongue before I go walking in.