I can't be genuine in a crowded setting,
I'm not brave enough to be real here.
So I'll write you this note with hope,
That you might try to understand me, dear.
I can be confident if I'm detached,
But with you, I don't want that.
Instead I run scared from possibility,
Feigning confidence and sincerity.
How ironic that I've been most true to myself
Behind a screen when I could be anyone else.
So I can't quite communicate or relate.
I'm best speaking one on one,
Or when talking need not be done.
Yes I'm truly terrified of touching you
If the variables I can't control are more than a few.
Years of hurt, being used,
Years objectified, feeling abuse,
Has twisted me to want and fear you.
So please don't be silent, I'm really quite needy.
I've been quit on and ****** on so much,
And when I miss you, I miss you dearly.
If I love you, it will be fully.
I'm so dependent, so wanting, destitute for you,
I can't take twenty-four hours of silence,
It could **** me.
I like to be alone, yes, it's true,
But I'd rather not be alone if I could be with you...

You are allowed to take up space.

2. You are allowed to have a voice, even if it's hard to continue speaking.

3. You are allowed to leave whenever you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, don't ever let anyone keep you where you don't want to be.

4. You deserve more than someone who doesn't know how to respect you.

5. You are allowed to put your own needs first, don't forget to take care of yourself.

6. You are allowed to love yourself.

i'm sure you could imagine,
the new proud parents' joy.
when the doctor finally announced,
"you have a baby boy"

as she held him in her arms,
all their worries were erased.
they didn't know then,
of the troubles they would face.

"i'm sorry i have to be the one to say,
your little boy has cancer.
i know that life seems hard today,
things are always worse before the get better."

endless hours of chemotherapy,
hospitals becoming a second home.
dozens of tests to check his status,
he was watched but felt so alone.

some days he felt big and strong,
and other days trapped in hell.
it was in the little boy's smile,
the way that you could tell.

and though the boy was small in size,
he fought with all his might.
the cancer's strength he matched for awhile,
he put up a pretty good fight.

time of death, 4:12

his mother smoothed down his hair,
and kissed him on his cheek.
the tears rolled down her face,
she'd never felt so weak.

his father felt his son's heart beat,
then fall silent just as fast.
he had been there for his son's first,
and he had felt his son's last.