Dead,
Bubbling
Under the skin.

Scars,
Broken lines
Boiling within.

Fear,
Gasping
Dying today.

Dark
Bravery
Coming out to play.

Hush,
Silenced,
All put to bed.

The scars,
Bravery,
They are all dead.

His mustache twitches,
His monocle gleams,
With the tap of his cane
It's Silent.

His pea-coat is ironed,
His buttons shined,
With a wave of his hand
It's Silent.

His expression falls,
His slacks wrinkling,
With a hands to his chest
He's Silent.

I've drawn my line in the sand,
I know this isn't what you had planned.
Such distance between us two,
I'm trying to crawl away from you.
You left me beaten, battered, bruised,
Never in my life had I been so used.
"No" was never in your vocabulary,
If it was, you had it long since buried.
As your hands fought against my pleas,
Pushing me to crash down on my knees.
Your ears were wide open, wide shut,
Your eyes a cruel gaze twisting my gut.
You never heard a word I had said,
You left my heart cold, sick, and dead.
I'm left numb from the feelings you severed,
I'll be left holding this shattered psyche forever.
But I'll begin to put myself together again,
Slowly, I'll find myself a way to mend.
If it takes an eternity, that will have to do,
As long as these lines keep me far away from you.

A credit to humanity,
I've lost my insanity.
Like feathers of a bird,
I'm filled with words.
Like ink inside a pen,
I'm flowing once again.
My mind finally free,
I've returned to being me.

Her mind was filled with clutter,
Rainy clouds that bellowed thunder.
They loomed above like sad balloons,
On top her heart and head, cruel goons.
Until one day he cleared the clutter,
Took her heart and cleaned its gutters.
The storm clouds in her head then parted,
With his light, her life finally started.

My heart is elated
Just from a few hours
Spent stroking your hair,
Your head in my lap.

Human contact,
That's what I need,
Skin on mine,
Knocking knees.

There's a charge between me and you,
Something lingering in the spaces
Between our words, our bodies.

What was once a great fire,
Dwindles now, an ember.
The rain keeps falling now,
Threatening it forever.

You shield it with your hands,
Hoping to keep it alive.
I'm ready to put it out,
Let that old flame die.

It consumed us in its day,
Engulfing us both in red.
Now it dreams of crackling,
Its days of burning are long dead.

We were once a great fire,
We dwindle now, in doubt.
The rain has fallen
And we are going out.

Why is it that
Every time I see you
Something in me breaks,
Something in me is set free.

Why is it that
Every time I'm near you,
I want you to get closer
I want you to see all of me.

Just when
I let go.
You pull
Me in again.

I honestly cant say
What I'm doing anymore.
You say that you will
Love me forever.
He says that he will
Always be there.
I'm torn to pieces over
And over and over.
If I leave will I just
Wish I stayed?
If I really just stay will I
Wish I had left?
I'm left here feeling like
Maybe I could escape.
Maybe I could take a few pills
And end this here.
Or I could hang in the air
To not feels like this.
Why can't life just
Be easy to understand?
Why cant life just
Leave me alone?

Here I am again on my knees,
Like the little girl I once was
Begging, "Please..."

I lift my heart and my hands,
Place my doubts before you,
My demands.

"God please hear my cries,
The anguish of my heart,
My sighs."

The adult in me is scoffing, mild,
While the small part of me believes
Like a child.

In one ear
And out the other.
Part of me
Always wondering
Why even bother?

Butterflies fluttering,
Cheeks reddening,
Heartbeat slowing
And heartbeat increasing.

Happiness spreading,
Feelings conflicting,
Part of me wanting staying,
Every part of me ready to be leaving.

I can feel you like an itch
Sitting beneath the skin.
I scratch and I scratch
Never quite satisfying.

Your smile, your lips parting,
That glint in your eyes
The way you look without looking,
Has me scratching again.

Here I am again.
Up all night again.
Fueling doubts again.
Daydreaming again.

Googling answers again.
Stalking social media again.
Wishing again.
Thinking again.

Here I am again.
Thinking about him again.
About you again.
Not knowing what to do again.

Maybe I should go to sleep
Instead of laying here, counting sheep
Again.

I'm drowning
And you're the weight.
You bring me down
Flood my lungs.

Say something.
Word or phrase.
I can't take this.
I can't be alone in this.

Do something.
Act and fight.
Lash out if you want.
Just please don't give up.

Feel something.
Be angry, cry.
Is there any heart inside?
Because you're breaking mine.

Brown eyes
                    Sweet smile
                                         Laughter unending
                                                                           Conflicting me
                                                                                                     Causing pain.

Your smile brings back memories.
Times were simpler back then,
No ties to keep us down,
No age to make us wise.

I loved the way you forgot to care.
My heart wasn't yours to take,
You took it so gently,
Kept it in a cage.

Now here we are only years later.
My heart never left your cage,
I have ties keeping me down,
My age made me wise.

But here you are still so blissfully free.
My ties burning me so painfully,
I want to just run my fingers
Through your hair.

I am an artist,
A poet,
A cook.

I am a sister,
A daughter,
A significant other.

I am a fighter,
A *****,
An arguer.

I am a lover,
A thinker,
A believer.

I am a realist,
A pessimist,
A downer.

I am a leader,
A listener,
A follower.

I am so many things,
A mixture,
A freak.

I am me.
I am unique.

I know it's wrong.
But daydreaming about you....

It just feels
Right.

You are beautiful.
Your body,
Your face,
Your soul.

You are worth something,
Worth a smile,
Worth a wave,
Worth the world.

You are a wonder,
Your gaze,
Your art,
Your silence.

You are amazing,
Your talent,
Your presence,
Your existence.

Don't forget.
You are beautiful.
You are worth everything.
You are a wonder.
You.
Are.
Amazing.

I feel so confused.
The life I grounded myself in,
The life I dreamed of,
Crumbles beneath me.

I play this over and over in my mind,
Your songs, your calls, the love.
You left me behind.
We exchanged such beautiful words,
Meaningless strings of whispers,
It's so absurd.
You were my light, my friend, my muse,
And you left me so empty
Left me so used.
Even so, I fondly remember your song,
All the nights you felt so right,
I was so wrong.

I don't see you anymore.
My worst fears came true.
Your night shifts, my days,
I don't know what to do.

You are my everything,
That's why I'm so afraid.
You'll find someone better,
I'll wonder why I stayed.

I pretended to sleep,
Not wanting to leave.

You fell for my ploy,
I thought you'd retreat.

You had things to do,
We were no longer talking.

But you stayed on the line
Only occasionally laughing.

Why would you stay?
I'm trying to understand.

Did you listen as I sighed,
Was this your plan?

Maybe you were waiting,
Wanting me to speak.

Maybe it was comfort,
Listening to me "sleep".

When you finally hit end,
I was left with this doubt.

I'm over-thinking this,
You just forgot to sign out.

You and I
We aren't the same.

We've shared our laughter,
We've shared our pain.

But something has shifted,
We both have drifted.

You and I
We used to click.

We've become so distant,
We've become so sick.

Something's wrong,
Maybe it was all along.

He loved her like the wind,
She was his gravity
To her earth he was pinned.

He loved her like the sea,
She was everything
More than he could ever be.

He loved her like the moon,
She was fading
He would lose her too soon.

He loved her like a rose,
Her petals wilting
Cold on the end of her nose.

He loved her so much,
She grew numb
Couldn't feel his gentle touch.

He loved her more than she would see,
She was his life, his heart, his only,
She was his Mindy.

The hole is getting deeper
And I'm falling in.

The depression,
The hopelessness,

Are wolves circling,
Waiting to begin.

The sand is getting higher,
And I'm choking on it.

The silence,
The darkness,

Pulling me deeper
Into this suffocating pit.

My fingers are bleeding
From how I tried to crawl.

I yearn,
I reach desperately,

Escape eludes me still,
I fear I will drown after all.

The dark unveils in this new place,
A different scene; always the same face.
Creeping from underneath the door
It drags itself across my floor.
Seething, teething, mewling mass,
It raises up and cracks the glass.
The sun reaches out relieving grace
Out onto its cold, familiar face.

I remember your face like it was yesterday,
But the days keep pushing you further away.
Your laughter a silent echo in my mind
Of the life I so reluctantly left behind.
Your smile haunts me like a ghost at night,
Flickering for a moment in memory just in spite.
If reaching out over the miles were possible, I would,
I'd come back and stay, if only I could.

Our time is up and we're packing it away,
The life we built, the life we shared
Stowed in boxes by the end of today.

I know I'll still see you, but it's not the same,
Your arms won't be around me anymore,
Your kisses can't dull this kind of pain.

This ring says together while miles say apart,
How can we live separately even now
When you're so close to my heart.

It's only a year you say, only a small time,
But it feels so much like forever to me,
Forever til you'll again be mine.

Our boxes in the same city, our hearts too,
Our life to be severed by ownership,
But I don't want any of this, I want you.

Red tights,
Flowing cape,
The city is calling,
It's not too late.

Spandex briefs,
Form fitting suit,
Humans are appalling,
****, ****, Loot.

Well defined muscles,
Girly boots,
The Joker and Penguin
Are in cahoots.

Carefully coiffed hair,
Gigantic chin,
Perched about the town,
Waiting for crime to begin.

Invisible car,
Cool technical gadgets,
Oh! He got away!
Curses! Almost had him.

A steel man,
The speeding bullet,
My weakness is this string...
Please don't pull it....

He paints the sky in diamonds
And paves his ground in money,
His light is made of gold,
His disposition always sunny.

He floods the sea in silver,
Dots the flowers in pearls,
His eyes are brilliant sapphire,
They see the entire world.

He looks past the dusted coal,
His life is made of rubies,
Around him people are rusted,
But he is made with beauty.

With your feet in the stars
And your head on the ground,
You've forgotten who you are,
Your shoes planted firmly in the clouds.
Cloud nine has fallen
And crashed into the sea,
Denial is calling,
Forget what it's like to be free.
Your business suit is pressed,
Your shoes spit shined,
Your home life is a mess,
You've forgotten what you've left behind.
Your childhood dreams collect dust
On a shelf in your memory,
Your ability to love, to trust
Has become the enemy.
Stars are burning red
And crashing to the ground,
Surrounding your buried head
And breaking apart your cloud.
The boxes packed away,
All knocked off the shelves.
Memories tattered and frayed,
Along with your sense of self.
Fragile wishes to bring peace,
And brittle desires to be hero,
You followed along with the siege,
You are nothing, a zero.
You push your head to the clouds,
Feet planted somewhere below,
The stars fly up safe and sound,
If they had really fallen, only you know.
The wishes you've ignored
The dreams you through away,
Scattered across your heart,
The illusion ends today.

A creature among humanity,
Precious child of the sky,
Born with a head full of stars
And bones aching to fly.
Singing a symphony of words,
A language unknown,
Sweet melodies of love and peace,
Of growing up alone.
You live in the Milky Way
With a house made of light,
The shine penetrated darkness,
Only to be seen at night.
Traveler of universes
With a galaxy playground.
Your words darted through space
Until you were found.
They screamed monster
And locked your songs away,
In a wide open cage
You were never saved.
A stranger to humanity,
Your end waited to begin,
You sang a melody of love
And they called you Alien.

Make haste,
No time to waste.
Your lips drip honey,
My head feels funny.
Slow down,
Before we drown.
Your eyes are grinning,
The whole room spinning.
Pause,
Covered in gauze.
How'd I get like this?
Bleeding, covered in ****.
Make haste again,
Before I explode in.
Wading in the sea,
Is that really me?
Fade away,
Time to pray,
Floating out on a cloud,
Momma did I make you proud?

My branches are crumbled,
Fickle and thin.
My air losing volume,
Unraveling oxygen.
My creativity shatters,
Crushed and abused.
My mind is a wanderer,
Dazed but unconfused.
My art is losing meaning,
Withering paint.
My religion losing passion,
A twisted saint.
My being caving in,
Lost, chagrin.
I'm not who I was,
The artist within.

Some days I wish he was you,
You were the one I hardly knew.
We spent a summer growing,
Affection there but barely showing.
I grew to miss you more every day,
Cursing my misfortune as you went away.
On certain days I swear he could be you,
Though I know it could never be true.
Now I see that our short love was grim,
Because on some days I wished that you were him.

You sang for me when we were in love,
Or so I believed you were capable of.
Now your song is no more than ghost,
It feeds off of me still; a reluctant host.
As you faded away it held me still,
Whirling me around til I became ill.
And now that I've moved on it protects,
It holds tight to me and all of my regrets.
Your song whispers to me on the occasion,
It bleeds into my head at night, a beautiful lesion.
Back when your mouth yielded such love
You took pieces of my heart, donning the surgeons glove.
I believed that like your song you were true,
Now I know that this parasite is what was always you.
Just a pretty song played out through a phone,
When I was desperate, sad and so alone.
Though your melody hurts like an imaginary bruise,
You are no longer my love or my muse.

Nights like these
I lie awake.
The thoughts breaking in
More than I can take.
Who have I become?
Have I changed?
The mirror is someone new
Someone deranged.
I've lost all the friends I had,
Pushed away by fear.
Now I'm all alone in the dark,
All alone down here.
Nights like these
I can't sleep.
Haunted by the nightmares
Of demons I keep.
The shadows dance
Ghosts on the wall.
I am taken by them,
Lost in it all.
Nights like these
I wish for an easy end.
A noose around the neck,
An awkward bend.
But I'll tell myself
Life is not an ease.
I'll stay brave
On nights like these.

For you I fell,
Passed my fate to the hands
Down a well.
I shed my skin,
Bared my muscles
Bone and tendon.
My affection a pit,
A place for you to ****
Spread your grit.
For you I had leapt
Straight from the safety of home
Took my last breath.
For me you pushed,
A little shove and turned
As I mushed.

I'll watch you burn
Consumed by flames
Without a name.
I won't make a sound
Move  single muscle
Raise a finger.
You built this fate for yourself
You poured gasoline
Set the flame.

I am more than just regurgitated knowledge.
I am more than a statistic.
I am more than just a book worm.
I am more than a nerd.
I am more than just a tough little girl.
I am more than a rebel.
I am more than just the clothes I wear.
I am more than makeup on a face.
I am more than just my father's daughter.
I am more than a sister.
I am more than just a face in the morning.
I am more than a lover.
I am more than just someone.
I am more than nothing.
I
AM
MORE.

Your fear was a beast,
It consumed you whole as you stood.
Tearing out from your chest
It ejected words like bile.
"This is the end of us,
Feel the pulse of death,
Maggots wriggle for your soul,
This... is.... the end!"
Sickly sweet it stuck to my face,
Sour and rancid and terrible.
Your fear poured out from inside
A gaping hole that spilled red.
Your fear was a beast,
That consumed you whole as I watched.

My days are numbered,
My life encumbered.
So I'll give myself more,
From the bottom of my very core.

If only I could tell you,
I love you so dearly,
I'm afraid of letting you close,
I live so fearfully.
I know I'm breaking you up,
I'm killing you inside,
I would absorb your love,
But I'm scared I'll fly.