The house is quiet,
But I'm awake.
The floors creak
The house sighs
And opens its eyes.

Blacken the room,
Fill it with rage.
Fists like iron
In the war you wage.
Scream for nothing,
You'll shout it loud.
His hands are bleeding,
Does it make you proud?
Crawling like ants
Under the skin,
Your wrath is a hammer,
Let the swinging begin.
Now you stand alone
In the wake of your hate,
Wish you could take it back,
Isn't it too late?

Dear you,
I miss you badly.
I tell myself its silly,
I'm just reminiscing,
I'm just seeking escape,
I'm lonely.
But it's true,
I miss you.
What I wouldn't give
To turn back time.
What I wouldn't give
To just stay.
But its too late,
And I'm stuck.
I missed my opportunity
And the door shut,
It locked behind me
Mocking me.
I'll never have you,
I'll never have love
Like we had.
I'm such an idiot,
An idiot who misses you...
Badly.

My life is becoming empty,
I thought I had so many people,
I thought I had at least one,
But I'm finding myself alone.

A creature among humanity,
Precious child of the sky,
Born with a head full of stars
And bones aching to fly.
Singing a symphony of words,
A language unknown,
Sweet melodies of love and peace,
Of growing up alone.
You live in the Milky Way
With a house made of light,
The shine penetrated darkness,
Only to be seen at night.
Traveler of universes
With a galaxy playground.
Your words darted through space
Until you were found.
They screamed monster
And locked your songs away,
In a wide open cage
You were never saved.
A stranger to humanity,
Your end waited to begin,
You sang a melody of love
And they called you Alien.

I'm drowning
And you're the weight.
You bring me down
Flood my lungs.

Angels of snow
Fall from the sky,
Your little wings wither
Like the last breath of life.
Angels of snow
Crash on the ground,
Buried in the wake of death
More lost than found.
Angels of snow
Burn up in the sun,
Shoot up into the sky
Bullets from natures cruel gun.
Angels of snow
Wait in the sky,
Winter will bring you to life
Let you once again fly.

Here I am again.
Up all night again.
Fueling doubts again.
Daydreaming again.

Googling answers again.
Stalking social media again.
Wishing again.
Thinking again.

Here I am again.
Thinking about him again.
About you again.
Not knowing what to do again.

Maybe I should go to sleep
Instead of laying here, counting sheep
Again.

You crafted airplanes
Out of paper and tape.
Putting faith in a hero
Minus tights and cape.
Someone to take you
Up into the sky.
You and your planes
Soaring high.
He carried you there
On his shoulders wide.
Your hero took you
A paper airplane ride.
For years you flew
With paper and hero.
Airplanes gliding
Gravity zero.
Til your hero tired
Could carry no more.
You traded your paper planes
For engines that roar.
Your hero smiled
As you took to the sky.
You no longer needed him
To make you fly.

I can't tell you
I've lied.
I ***** up dark secrets
Hemorrhaging inside.
You won't look the same
At me.
I'll keep this to my grave
Bury it deep.
I'm a monster
Sharp teeth.
I won't let you see
Secrets underneath.

My feet are muddy
From trudging through this rut.
Day in and day out
The same old things twisting in my guts.
It would be so easy
To just give in or give up.
But there is hope inside me,
A small spark and that's enough.
I'll clean off this dirt
And pull myself out of here.
Brand new, I want to live,
I will live.

With your feet in the stars
And your head on the ground,
You've forgotten who you are,
Your shoes planted firmly in the clouds.
Cloud nine has fallen
And crashed into the sea,
Denial is calling,
Forget what it's like to be free.
Your business suit is pressed,
Your shoes spit shined,
Your home life is a mess,
You've forgotten what you've left behind.
Your childhood dreams collect dust
On a shelf in your memory,
Your ability to love, to trust
Has become the enemy.
Stars are burning red
And crashing to the ground,
Surrounding your buried head
And breaking apart your cloud.
The boxes packed away,
All knocked off the shelves.
Memories tattered and frayed,
Along with your sense of self.
Fragile wishes to bring peace,
And brittle desires to be hero,
You followed along with the siege,
You are nothing, a zero.
You push your head to the clouds,
Feet planted somewhere below,
The stars fly up safe and sound,
If they had really fallen, only you know.
The wishes you've ignored
The dreams you through away,
Scattered across your heart,
The illusion ends today.

What was once a great fire,
Dwindles now, an ember.
The rain keeps falling now,
Threatening it forever.

You shield it with your hands,
Hoping to keep it alive.
I'm ready to put it out,
Let that old flame die.

It consumed us in its day,
Engulfing us both in red.
Now it dreams of crackling,
Its days of burning are long dead.

We were once a great fire,
We dwindle now, in doubt.
The rain has fallen
And we are going out.

This bruise on my face,
The memory of fists,
I should have known
It would come to this.

I can't remember why I held you up so high,
You've got nothing but a cold emptiness inside.
It spread like a virus and washed over me,
Into my strength you planted the weakest seeds.
I became what you wanted, broken to nothing,
When all I ever desired to be was your something.
You held me so low that I scraped on the ground,
With your virus inside I couldn't make a sound.
I just bled and I bled until nothing was left,
You kept all my pride for yourself, such a petty theft.
I held you so high that you couldn't see the floor,
But I see the error in my ways and say, "Nevermore."

Its in my head,
An ugly virus.
The memories won't stop,
Won't go away.
Spreading like a plague,
They're taking over.
All I see is your hands,
Turned to fists.
They haunt me now
I'm so vulnerable.
I have all this love,
I have all this fear.
When will I get over this?
Should I ever get over this...?

Answer me this,
What did I miss?
Your smiling face,
A warm embrace?
A hand to hold,
Love untold?
You must be lying,
I’ve stopped trying.
Those things elude me,
They can’t set me free.
If they fix me scars
No one goes that far
So answer me this
With a single kiss.

My branches are crumbled,
Fickle and thin.
My air losing volume,
Unraveling oxygen.
My creativity shatters,
Crushed and abused.
My mind is a wanderer,
Dazed but unconfused.
My art is losing meaning,
Withering paint.
My religion losing passion,
A twisted saint.
My being caving in,
Lost, chagrin.
I'm not who I was,
The artist within.

Say something.
Word or phrase.
I can't take this.
I can't be alone in this.

Do something.
Act and fight.
Lash out if you want.
Just please don't give up.

Feel something.
Be angry, cry.
Is there any heart inside?
Because you're breaking mine.

I know it's wrong.
But daydreaming about you....

It just feels
Right.

Dear Alice, my love
You came down from above,
But where are you now?

Do you remember me?
Or our parties with tea?
A raven like a writing desk, but how?

They call it Wonderland
But I'm doing all I can,
By myself it's hard not to cry.

I miss you in the worst way,
And it's more than I can bear to say,
You left me for the sky.

Don't get me wrong,
You don't know how I long
Just to see you make your way.

But I need your strength,
These years have endless length
And there's so much I need to say.

I'm mad with love for you,
Even though each other we hardly knew,
I'd die for your bliss.

So I'll wait for your face,
And for you to stumble upon this place,
My love, my dear Alice.

Nine years since you went away,
I still think of you,
I still love you.
I often wonder if I make you proud,
Do you think of me?
Do you love me?

Tumbling…
This face is crumbling.
A dark cloud will wash over
A muddle of pills could never cure
Voices screaming end.
There never were.

I am more than just regurgitated knowledge.
I am more than a statistic.
I am more than just a book worm.
I am more than a nerd.
I am more than just a tough little girl.
I am more than a rebel.
I am more than just the clothes I wear.
I am more than makeup on a face.
I am more than just my father's daughter.
I am more than a sister.
I am more than just a face in the morning.
I am more than a lover.
I am more than just someone.
I am more than nothing.
I
AM
MORE.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
The explosion of light in endless night.
A warm outpour of glow in the dark,
Yellow, pink, and green living sparks.
All raining down on a dying heart,
Cauterizing where it's been ripped apart.
Do you believe that hands can heal?
Filling spaces between fingers that refuse to feel.
Sending out a shock in a single caress,
Up the spine to a brain that must confess,
That feeling isn't so bad with someone other,
Touching the skin of an electrified lover.
Do you believe in the impossible?
An emotion so fierce and unstoppable.
Also soft in the most peculiar way,
Able to brighten the darkest days.
A feeling so great it could only come from above,
Do you believe in love?

Are we doomed to be nothing more
Than two paper airplanes adrift.
We live on separate gusts of wind,
Gently keeping our distance.

You and I
We aren't the same.

We've shared our laughter,
We've shared our pain.

But something has shifted,
We both have drifted.

You and I
We used to click.

We've become so distant,
We've become so sick.

Something's wrong,
Maybe it was all along.

Sorting feelings too big to understand,
Heavy like blankets yet light,
One by one, set free finally,
I'm set free...finally.

You sit alone
A thousand miles away,
A fake, cold drone
You aren’t worth the things I say.

You won’t remain
In my life love has run dry,
This old disdain
This constant question of why.

You will pretend
Try to care and fail so quick,
This is the end
You fake, heartless, selfish *****.

We spent hours in a room
No windows and no door,
Carving with rusty knives
And begging for more.
The mouths we created
Ghosts on our pale arms,
Vomited up dark secrets
Red as fire alarms.
We spent those days alone
Together in heart,
Now we walk crowded streets
With ghosts on our arms.

Make haste,
No time to waste.
Your lips drip honey,
My head feels funny.
Slow down,
Before we drown.
Your eyes are grinning,
The whole room spinning.
Pause,
Covered in gauze.
How'd I get like this?
Bleeding, covered in ****.
Make haste again,
Before I explode in.
Wading in the sea,
Is that really me?
Fade away,
Time to pray,
Floating out on a cloud,
Momma did I make you proud?

Your memory is benign,
But it's spreading like cancer.
I'm searching for reasons
And can't find an answer.
Five years have passed away
Since we last said goodbye.
Our love took its final breath,
But now I wonder why.
Your face is a tumor
Growing in my thoughts.
I should cut it out, excise it,
Or so I was taught.
But these images are sweet,
So I will hold on.
Your memories won't **** me,
Only remind me you're gone.

Do you remember drawing pictures in the stars?
We once knew who we were, who we are.
But memories disappear; this much is true,
They will leave me behind, just like you.

Free falling in the wind
Like leaves on the breeze.
We twirl on in,
Safe and set free.
You and I blending in,
Like colors on a wheel.
Wild as sin,
We struggle to feel.

I'll watch you burn
Consumed by flames
Without a name.
I won't make a sound
Move  single muscle
Raise a finger.
You built this fate for yourself
You poured gasoline
Set the flame.

To hear you singing in the kitchen,
Not always in tune,
Not always as quiet as you assume,
Fills my heart with bliss.

Life can’t get much better than this.

To hear you belt out a melody,
Sweet in simplicity,
Heard by the entire city,
It’s the sound of a kiss.

Life can’t get much better than this.

If only I could tell you,
I love you so dearly,
I'm afraid of letting you close,
I live so fearfully.
I know I'm breaking you up,
I'm killing you inside,
I would absorb your love,
But I'm scared I'll fly.

Your heartbeat's a flutter,
Leaves on the breeze.
Skipping along merrily,
Dodging the freeze.
It's fragile and sensitive,
Held in my hands.
For me to warm and foster,
And plant in the sands.
Your heartbeat will grow there,
Become something strong.
Thumping with life and love,
Right where you belong.

I can feel it under my skin,
The sickness that did you in.
It haunts me like your ghost,
Lurking more days than most.
I cannot be certain it will surface,
But all I can remember is your face.
The way the life drained from your eyes,
The small breath as you died.
One day it will find me here,
Quivering in a secret fear.
If this disease will take me too,
At least it will take me to you.

We pressed our memories into the sands of summer
Like fragile sand castles against the water.
As the leaves turned red, orange, yellow
The waves crashed and the towers tottered.

The good times faded into seas of amnesia,
Replaced by the shapeless remnants of their beauty.
The trees withered like old men by the shore,
Over broken castles as far as we could see.

Soon the waves began to fade into the water,
And the snow was once again on its way.
We started to rewrite the beautiful summer again
On the dreadful winter's gray.

The hole is getting deeper
And I'm falling in.

The depression,
The hopelessness,

Are wolves circling,
Waiting to begin.

The sand is getting higher,
And I'm choking on it.

The silence,
The darkness,

Pulling me deeper
Into this suffocating pit.

My fingers are bleeding
From how I tried to crawl.

I yearn,
I reach desperately,

Escape eludes me still,
I fear I will drown after all.

His smile is easy like the sun rising in the east,
It showers its plains and fields in radiating light.
Wild flowers rise from the ground to bask in his glow,
Turning their faces toward this magnificent sight.
His eyes glisten, windows to this wonderful place,
Through them the marvels of the world beam out.
Towering megaliths of strength exist within him,
Beauty in his world without a shadow of doubt.

I'd give the world for a kiss
Like the one read about in books.
A small gift upon the lips,
Just as magical as it looks.
I'd give the world for a moment,
Held still in short film.
The world stopping for a second,
For that, a girl could ****.
I'd give the world for a smile,
Like the ones I've begun to miss.
I've been waiting quite a while
For just a smile and a simple kiss.

Clear air,
Clear eyes.
Blue ocean,
Blue skies.
Green trees,
Green energy.
No hate,
No enemy.
Full of love,
Full of life.
Birds of a feather,
Birds of flight.
Free to speak,
Free to connect.
Forget the past,
Forget the next.
Living harmony,
Living moment.
Message received,
Message sent.
Accept the individual,
Accept the unseen.
A world as beautiful as it seems,
This is my dream.

Can you hear me screaming?
My heart inside is bleeding.
This trust is receding
As my lonely soul is grieving.

You taught me how to be
Then ripped it out from under me.
You never heard my pleas
As my faith in you seized.

You said you'd always be there,
You are some place, but where?
You said you'd always care,
But even that was more than you would spare.

My brother, my closest friend
Why did it end?
Is the truth so easy to bend?
Love so hard to lend?

No one here understands,
I'm left here with empty hands.
Can we wade back through time's sand?
Could you be a brother if you tried?
If you can?

Some days I wish he was you,
You were the one I hardly knew.
We spent a summer growing,
Affection there but barely showing.
I grew to miss you more every day,
Cursing my misfortune as you went away.
On certain days I swear he could be you,
Though I know it could never be true.
Now I see that our short love was grim,
Because on some days I wished that you were him.

Standing at the gates,
His eyes on his hands.
Virgil is waiting,
For Dante to take a stand.
The keeper with a key,
The the lock of this Hell.
Dante must break on through,
To catch his maiden that fell.

Your eyes are blue,
A hateful ocean.
Your lips red,
A poisonous pit.
You’re dead inside,
No emotion.
Your heart is prison,
Love died inside of it.

You used to be my friend
A light in the dark,
You promised til the bitter end,
That day in the park.
Now our names are on a bench
Never to be known,
Our friendship in a trench,
Frozen and alone.
I thought that I knew you,
We were two parts of a whole,
Now I can see through
Your callous, dark soul.
Sure I cry for you,
At least who you were,
But I'll build myself anew,
And forget to remember.