You used to be my friend
A light in the dark,
You promised til the bitter end,
That day in the park.
Now our names are on a bench
Never to be known,
Our friendship in a trench,
Frozen and alone.
I thought that I knew you,
We were two parts of a whole,
Now I can see through
Your callous, dark soul.
Sure I cry for you,
At least who you were,
But I'll build myself anew,
And forget to remember.

September,
****** September,
Do you remember,
Oh do you remember?
How she did surrender,
Her soul so tender.
September you monster,
****** monster.
Oh how you tossed her,
How I lost her.
September,
****** September.
Do you remember?
Oh do you remember.

I don't know you,
Or the hurt you've been through.
I haven't seen your tears,
Or been with you all these years.
I never watched you struggle,
Or listened to your troubles.
I don't know the beat in your chest,
Or how you wish it would rest.
I never felt your pain,
Or that internal rain.
But I know your scars,
They were written in the stars.
Like the ones that riddle my arms,
Such horrible bad luck charms.
I don't even know you,
But I pray that you'll fight through.

You don't know me.
Or my unrequited dreams,
You haven't seen my failure,
Or witnessed me endure,
You don't hear my heartbeat,
Or the patter of my feet,
You can't feel my nerves on end,
Or see how my fingers bend,
You don't know my secrets,
Or memories I'd like to forget,
You haven't heard me sigh,
Or stifle a small cry,
You've seen me everyday,
Said you love me in every way.
But how can that even be,
If you still don't know me?

You crafted airplanes
Out of paper and tape.
Putting faith in a hero
Minus tights and cape.
Someone to take you
Up into the sky.
You and your planes
Soaring high.
He carried you there
On his shoulders wide.
Your hero took you
A paper airplane ride.
For years you flew
With paper and hero.
Airplanes gliding
Gravity zero.
Til your hero tired
Could carry no more.
You traded your paper planes
For engines that roar.
Your hero smiled
As you took to the sky.
You no longer needed him
To make you fly.

Here's to lost memories,

Whispers over the phone,
The boy that saved my life.

Melodies from the heart,
The boy with a knife.

A summer to remember,
The boy that meowed.

Singing in the car,
The boy that never frowned.

Sleepless nights,
The girl I grew up with.

Ghost hunting,
The boy who believed in myths.

Telling me not to hide,
The boy that texted dad.

Secret messages of love,
The boy I never had.

Here's to lost memories...

And the friends that became enemies.

I can feel it under my skin,
The sickness that did you in.
It haunts me like your ghost,
Lurking more days than most.
I cannot be certain it will surface,
But all I can remember is your face.
The way the life drained from your eyes,
The small breath as you died.
One day it will find me here,
Quivering in a secret fear.
If this disease will take me too,
At least it will take me to you.

I can't tell you
I've lied.
I ***** up dark secrets
Hemorrhaging inside.
You won't look the same
At me.
I'll keep this to my grave
Bury it deep.
I'm a monster
Sharp teeth.
I won't let you see
Secrets underneath.

Can’t breathe.
The walls are closing in.
The clock is mocking.
Time is stopping.
My lungs collapse.

To hear you singing in the kitchen,
Not always in tune,
Not always as quiet as you assume,
Fills my heart with bliss.

Life can’t get much better than this.

To hear you belt out a melody,
Sweet in simplicity,
Heard by the entire city,
It’s the sound of a kiss.

Life can’t get much better than this.

Don’t slip so far
You let your mask fall,
Under it all
You’re sick
You’re ugly.

My hands are shaking,
Heart is racing,
Butterflies in my chest.
My knees are quaking,
Feet are pacing,
Speech not at it’s best.

My mouth is drying,
Ears ringing,
Too much energy in reserves.
I’m really trying
Soul singing,
I’m just a bundle of nerves.

Thoughts bursting.
Smoothing out.
Leaving slowly.
A whisper now.
Fading away.
Nothing remains.
A barren land
Inside my brain.

I think I’m falling
With no parachute,
The wind is cutting me
Busting me in two.
When I hit solid ground
I’ll break to pieces,
Guts bursting, heart showing
Everything it releases.
I believe I’ll be fine
With falling so far,
Especially if falling
Takes me to where you are.

Your facade is slipping,
You’re smiling underneath.
Shark tooth grin spilling lies,
Between your crooked teeth.

Answer me this,
What did I miss?
Your smiling face,
A warm embrace?
A hand to hold,
Love untold?
You must be lying,
I’ve stopped trying.
Those things elude me,
They can’t set me free.
If they fix me scars
No one goes that far
So answer me this
With a single kiss.

Tumbling…
This face is crumbling.
A dark cloud will wash over
A muddle of pills could never cure
Voices screaming end.
There never were.

I’m certain you know how it feels to watch her die.
I’m sure you remember asking God why.
I’m positive you held a hand that grew cold.
I know you cried that she would never grow old.
I’m assured you dreamt of her smiling embrace.
I believe that you miss seeing her lovely face.

I’m certain you scream when no one will hear.
I’m sure you distance yourself from what’s dear.
I’m positive you hate letting others close.
I know you’re scared of being abandoned most.
I’m assured you can’t look at complete families the same.
I believe that you can’t even bear to say her name.

I’m certain you’re haunted by her last smile.
I’m sure you thought it would last quite awhile.
I’m positive you tried to blame the nurse.
I know you are aware the disease was a curse.
I’m assured that you know she’s better off now.
I believe that you will recover someday, somehow.

The dirt rises far up above my head
The worms laugh; I will soon be dead.
My shovel is far beyond my grasp
Filth fills up my lungs as I gasp.
Who’s hand to lift me from this cold grave?
Who’s but the one which to all I gave.
But this saving hand no longer comes
Dirt continues to gag my lungs.
How can I escape this hole I made
When I created this fate

With shovel and *****?

You sit alone
A thousand miles away,
A fake, cold drone
You aren’t worth the things I say.

You won’t remain
In my life love has run dry,
This old disdain
This constant question of why.

You will pretend
Try to care and fail so quick,
This is the end
You fake, heartless, selfish *****.

Your eyes are blue,
A hateful ocean.
Your lips red,
A poisonous pit.
You’re dead inside,
No emotion.
Your heart is prison,
Love died inside of it.

We spent hours in a room
No windows and no door,
Carving with rusty knives
And begging for more.
The mouths we created
Ghosts on our pale arms,
Vomited up dark secrets
Red as fire alarms.
We spent those days alone
Together in heart,
Now we walk crowded streets
With ghosts on our arms.

Out of this town
With its worn out dreams,
I will drown
In the radiant sunbeams.
Away from this
All the hollow people,
I will not be named
As part of the sheeple.
Making my mark
On a city so free,
I will embark
I will be.

Divide and conquer,
Bludgeon the whole.
Engulf the masses,
Malice untold.
Blood on the ground,
Screams in the air.
A ghost in iron armor,
Approach if you dare.

Blacken the room,
Fill it with rage.
Fists like iron
In the war you wage.
Scream for nothing,
You'll shout it loud.
His hands are bleeding,
Does it make you proud?
Crawling like ants
Under the skin,
Your wrath is a hammer,
Let the swinging begin.
Now you stand alone
In the wake of your hate,
Wish you could take it back,
Isn't it too late?

Do you believe in love at first sight?
The explosion of light in endless night.
A warm outpour of glow in the dark,
Yellow, pink, and green living sparks.
All raining down on a dying heart,
Cauterizing where it's been ripped apart.
Do you believe that hands can heal?
Filling spaces between fingers that refuse to feel.
Sending out a shock in a single caress,
Up the spine to a brain that must confess,
That feeling isn't so bad with someone other,
Touching the skin of an electrified lover.
Do you believe in the impossible?
An emotion so fierce and unstoppable.
Also soft in the most peculiar way,
Able to brighten the darkest days.
A feeling so great it could only come from above,
Do you believe in love?

Clear air,
Clear eyes.
Blue ocean,
Blue skies.
Green trees,
Green energy.
No hate,
No enemy.
Full of love,
Full of life.
Birds of a feather,
Birds of flight.
Free to speak,
Free to connect.
Forget the past,
Forget the next.
Living harmony,
Living moment.
Message received,
Message sent.
Accept the individual,
Accept the unseen.
A world as beautiful as it seems,
This is my dream.

Angels of snow
Fall from the sky,
Your little wings wither
Like the last breath of life.
Angels of snow
Crash on the ground,
Buried in the wake of death
More lost than found.
Angels of snow
Burn up in the sun,
Shoot up into the sky
Bullets from natures cruel gun.
Angels of snow
Wait in the sky,
Winter will bring you to life
Let you once again fly.

I watch as you sleep,
Your soft breaths singing
A melody of dreams.
The sunlight hits your face,
Illuminating your skin
Silk on my fingertips.
You smile for a moment,
Soon you'll wake
Breaking the spell.
When I watch you sleep,
Life is perfect
Simple.
I can admire what is mine,
(At least for the moment)
Forever.

No one said it would be easy,
But no one said it would be this hard,
To not hear your voice or see your face,
To not feel the beating of your heart.
Everything about me is a haunting reminder
Of you and everything you’ll never be,
My eyes, my smile, my hair, my laugh
All screaming that you’re not here with me.
I know how selfish I must seem
Wishing that God hadn’t called you home so soon,
But how am I supposed to grow up right
Asking all my questions to an empty room?
Seven years have passed so quickly
And I can remember the final moments so clearly,
I wish I could have shown you more
That I loved you so dearly.
No one said it would be so hard
That I would regret all I hadn’t given
I should have savored every moment more
Before you left me for heaven.