Today I met a guy who blew my mind
  We didn’t talk long but we talked about a lot
He asked about my family
And what my siblings were like
We talked about religion
And how out moms were almost the person
He told me he was at that point in life where he got everything he wanted
And he’s just looking for someone to marry
Told me not to give up on  love this young
Now im laying in bed
Thinking about all the guys I’ve met
All the moves they made to get me into bed
All the false praise
And the shallow conversations
And Im happy
That I found someone who genuinely wants to get to know me
He spells
And i like him
I like how much of a dork he is and how he spells cool with a K
Im so used to guys flirting
That it doesn’t phase me anymore
But im giddy
And he made me smile
Now I can barely sleep
Praying that he’s the one I’ve been waiting for
And if he’s not I hope he doesn’t go too  soon

Its one of those days
When darkness consumes my mind
Taking control of my limbs making it press this knife against my throat
On the floor sobbing
Don’t ask me why it was today because I don’t know
Don’t know why my mind chose the middle of the afternoon to say it wants to die
It just did
Tell me how do I explain that to anybody
That nothing triggered me
It came out of nowhere
Like it was hiding in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment to strike
I couldn’t do it though
Because it hurt
But the miniscule pain gave off temporary relief
It gave me a sense of power
One that I didn’t have over my life
But once my episode is over I get scared
Scared that one day I’ll have enough courage to not just press
But stab

Ive always had trouble expressing myself
Because no one ever listened
No one ever noticed
Im so much more than my short comings and failures
Im a 5 year old princess at heart twirling under pink skies
Throwing sprinkles and running around rainbows
I love my family more than I love myself
Even when im sobbing in the dark my mind wanders to what could be happening in the world around me
I like animals more than people because no animal has caused me heart ache
I smile so you wouldn’t be burdened with my self hatred
Im the type of girl who ask for pictures of dogs to make me feel better
And I only accept the love I deserve
And I don’t really think I deserve love at all