These **** bottles of pills.
What kind of person have you made me?
When I take these little pills.
It’s only to alter some brain chemistry.

Lately it seems as if they are making me mad.
Quickly destroying all that I have.
These **** bottles of pills,
Yell out from the shelf.
“Please take me I’m here for your mental health”.
The problem with these **** little pills,
Is are they causing a problem, not letting me be free.

Tuning me into a mess, and not letting me be me.
This plastic facud I place on everyday.
Let’s me fake out everyone, Like,
“look she’s okay”.
Really though am I?
Have you seen this whack?

I’ve become obsessive, angry, and an emotional train wreck.
It’s taken over my sweet little brain.
Makes me feel as if I’m insane.

“Take this pill for your anxiety, even though it says depression”
“Oh and take this one, it will help you focus.”
“But keep in mind it also keys you up so your anxiety may be running little a muck.”
“Oh and don’t forget these pills they will settle you down, help you not have another run of the mill panic attack.”

Lets be real for a minute, let me ask you a question, how do you know that?
Only I know the real me and the one whos mind is off track.
Sometimes I feel like these pills are making me lose all control.
Like I have no say in what my brain tells these idle hands to hold.

I just jump in headfirst and keep diving in,
Not thinking of others’ hearts and what I might do to them.
Moral of the story is: Stop blaming the bottle of pills.
Keep control of yourself; don’t let yourself falter.
Find other things to occupy your brain rather than laying your pills on the altar.
Don’t worship the pills like it’s the only way out.

You are the person you were meant to be.
Let’s take away this mental health stigma and stand up for yourself.
I promise you’re really not crazy.
We all suffer from some type of mental health issue; you are not lazy.

I'm by the lamp on
the table in the room.
Worried, anxious,
yet happy, but waiting.
Where are you?
I seek you out like
I'm trying to find you in
a game of hide-and-seek.
If I came to you,
would you hide from me?
The sun is soon setting;
nighttime is near.
I know the time to leave
will soon be here.
It's so hard to leave
your magnetic pull.
I hope that soon I'll
sleep and search for you.
You'll be waiting in the
corner of the room.
Morning is coming
It's sooner than I think.
You're the sunrise shining
through the window on me.
I wake up, look around to see—
Where are you?
You're right where you say
you'll always be: in my heart ❤️

She's always in her mind,
looking for things she can never find.
She's chasing crazy dreams and wishes.
She's always chasing ***** dishes.
She's always in her mind,
looking for love she left behind.
She's always overthinking every situation,
causing her to wander to higher elevations.
She's always in her mind,
running from troublesome thoughts on the carousel you wind.
She's a worrier, always expecting the worst.
Why did she ever think of these troublesome thoughts at first?
She's always in her mind,
always working and on the grind.
She has to finish what she starts.
When she doesn't, she feels she shatters beautiful art.
She's always in her mind,
looking for ways she can always be kind.
She feels she's doing something sweet
when she gives loved ones things she finds neat.
She's always in her mind,
feeling as if she's leaving people behind,
she stresses over how others feel.
It makes her upset, almost ill.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she feels confined, like a person locked in a room,
like she's chained and faces an uncertain doom.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she were dressed up and disguised; she puts on a mask to show off a smile. Sometimes it's something you haven't seen for a while.
She's always in her mind,
Maybe it's what she was prescribed.
She sometimes feels crazy and she doesn't fit in.
But boy does she love when she's pulled into them.
She's always in her mind a scary place to be, but if she weren't in her mind, she wouldn't be.

Powdered concrete broken down,
Rocks show on the barren ground.
Tiny particles of dust and sand,
The dirt is rich in this poor land.
But you see a **** poke from a crack—
That's just a sign of beauty, new growth pushing concrete back.
The **** bares a sight of simple charm,
The sweetest daisy, growing strong, green leaves for arms.
The beauty this daisy possesses shows such grace;
It shines upon her yellow florets, her face.
What beauty comes from something walked on,
Something that's kicked and never looked upon!
This beautiful daisy, not only a new birth from the ground,
Shows signs of a new beginning and joy all around.

A moment

A moment in time
Does this flip on a dime
A moment in time
Hanging on like a lifeline
Does this moment in time vanish
Fast like a breeze
Or this moment we speak of roll like the seas
This moment is yours its all up to you
You spend these moments anway that you choose.
Spend them fast where your holding on for dear life
Let them go like a rock dancing across the ice
However you spend these moments let no one judge you
For I'll tell them they're all wrong.
This moment in time is your choice to have
Dont put this fate into another ones slippery hands.

Leanne10/21/24

Stars upon which I gaze from here on Earth,
Each one special, formed in space in its "solar birth."
When I look up to find my "special star,"
In one swift scan, I see you shining so bright, yet so far.
It's hard to find you sometimes with other stars shooting by so fast.
If I could just grab you and keep you, my "special star" in a jar so you could last.
Oh, if I could just hold you right here in this jar made of glass...
I can never touch you by hand, as you're a giant ball of gas.
But if I were to keep you sitting high on a mantle,
My "special star" would be like a trophy in a fine case, only for my hands to handle.
My "special star" is a treasure, so
If you take it from me and then let it go,
My heart would shatter like glass,
My heart would disappear like vapor,
If my "special star" is taken from me, then my constellation would not be complete.
My constellation wouldn't home my "special star" that completes the entirety of me.

Leanne 11/15/24 updated 12/3/24

My heart is like an open window. Every view from inside me is never the same. It seems like the outside looks calm and inviting, but does it really feel that way?
When the rain pitter-patters on the glass or the rumble of thunder rattles, the panes shake like paper. Do I still open it?
I try to be honest, like an open, clear window, and share how my heart truly feels. But words don't come out. My voice can't escape me, like a window that has been forever sealed.
Can anyone really hear me? Do they know the things I'm going through? I feel like my heart is keeping something in.
It would seem so easy to just throw open the window, but everyone would hear the glass breaking the silence in the room.
Do I want that attention on me?
Maybe I'll get to escape it or let this wild heart free. Because it sure has a hold on me.
I have no control what I see out the window just like I have no control over my heart. I'll have to just sit and wait instead.
Only I can see what happens when I open my heart to let it breathe the fresh air vented in by the creaky window frame.
This heart is nothing new. It never has changed. Just leave the crack be on the window pane
My heart is still the same heart; it makes the same beat. That's what makes me the same me. So throw open those windows and let this heart roam free. This heart is like the open window, so please just let me be me.

Leanne 11/1/24

Rain falls swiftly from the sky,
Feeling like little knives stabbing into my skin.
I try to duck and find cover,
All I can do is wait in pain until it's over.

Leanne
11/23/24

Whether you reach for a friend or a lover,
Always remember to reach for Mother.
When you reach, hold on tight;
Don't let what you love take flight.
Reach for stars, goals, and one another.

Leanne 11/23/24

What's at the bottom of the bottle?
Is it sorrow, fears, and a life gone wrong?
Maybe what's at the bottom
is a little something more.
Maybe it's what you've been looking for?
Maybe it's where all your dreams have gone,
Maybe it's where all your days have been,
Maybe it's a life well-lived.
The best thing about bottles
is that when they are empty,
they can be refilled with
whatever you desire.
Maybe it can be filled with new, clear, refreshing water that makes you feel fresh and free.
Maybe it's something wrong for you, but it's your only way to breathe.
What's at the bottom of the bottle?
The choice is up to you,
Because what's at the bottom of the bottle is meant for only you.

11/23/24
Leanne

We are always on the edge of something:
On the edge of danger,
On the edge of anger,
On the edge of laughter,
On the edge of tears,
On the edge of falling—
In or out of love.
Whatever edge you are on,
Just know this edge is safe,
For at the bottom of this edge,
there is no cliff.
All you need is a little faith,
to make it to the end.

Leanne
11/23/24

The boat floats, the waves toss about,
My favorite thing about this movement,
Is the view with you within the boat.

Leanne
11/23/24

My heart beats steadily,
My face starts to flush.
When I'm beside you,
I get a big-time rush.

Leanne 11/21/24

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day she was born,
She had them locked on me like the cellar from the storm.
God knew what He was doing when He placed her in my life,
Just when things got crazy and there was so much strife.
The darkness of her big, brown eyes just pierced straight to my soul,
I delivered a missing piece, once missing, now she has made me whole.
I never thought the day would come when I'd have a precious baby girl,
I believe my daddy sent her from above to send me in a beautiful whirl.
It's never been too easy, yet never has been too rough,
But heaven gave this little girl specifically to us.
And boy, is she a tough one!
Don't cross her when she's mad. She is the prettiest little one I ever could have had.
The heart of an angel and the courage of a lioness,
Nothing has ever stopped my girl. She has always been so blessed.
She has always persevered and pushed on,
Even when she struggles and feels like she can't compete.

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day that she was born,
She took those big, brown eyes of hers and lit up my whole world.
And to this day, I look at her and can't believe she's my little girl. ♥️

Words have been left unspoken, like blank pages in a book.
I keep flipping through the pages, to take another look.
I find the words unwritten; they've never stained the page.
It's only you who can see them, only you know this silent rage.
The years that have been passing, fleeting swiftly by,
Our words left unspoken from our mouths, have been spoken through our eyes.
No one knows the magnitude the unspoken has been to bare.
It's crazy to believe there was another one out there who truly cared.
The unspoken words we've hidden deep inside our hearts,
This has made such an impact on me, as you've been the vital part.
In the silence of the unspoken, you still show that you care.
The brush of your hand, a smile, a gentle hug lets me know you're still there.
This unspoken that's always flowing, yet not heard or seen,
We both know the unspoken is there, but never speak of what it means.
In the quiet, our unspoken waits, never asking or never loud.
Our unspoken is strong and steady, even when the unspoken's not allowed.

If you're wondering where to find me, wondering where my soul went to
My soul is sitting right beside you its wondering what you've been up to
Even in the distance, near deep waters of the sea
My soul is always there for you. I hope you look for me.
If you look into the night sky and question where I am.
It's me, I'm the brightest star, shining down upon the land.
Even in the daytime, when the Sun is oh, so bright.
It's my soul that's behind it, helping spread its wondrous light.
If you keep wondering where to find me even when I'm near.
Don't worry, I'm right beside you.
I'll never leave your side don't fear.

-Leanne
-11-14-2024

The tree on the hill, the strong and majestic oak, has roots spreading out beyond the safety of its beautiful canopy.

Could he be the roots that steady this noble oak tree, protecting it against all in war and peace? He doesn't know he helps to hold her steady in the storm.

Could she be the faith-filled canopy that covers the roots of this righteous tree, offering the beautiful acorn seeds that help share the love and good luck to the deep roots beyond the ground?

Like the oak tree and its roots, they both steady one another without knowing what each other does. Can our souls steady each other and love so deeply without revealing it?

They will always be connected, like the tree on the hill that produces beautiful flowers of hope in the fall, which is when they reconnect by the heart.

They both are like this tree, filled with wisdom. This wisdom gives the oak longevity and slow growth, which makes it so wise.

The longevity of their connection has been there from the start. They both have just hidden it deep inside their hearts.

Like the tree on the hill, the roots and tree are connected like souls mended together.
We may not understand it, but we hold onto this connection, one which we never knew we had.

Just like the oak tree's connection with its roots, she will be there for him, and he will be there for her, like the tree on the hill, taking care of one another from below to above.

I'm just shell of who I once was,
I used to be much more
But lately I feel so empty
like I don't know what I'm for
Not to long ago I had alot of fans
People who looked up to me
Because I did so great
Today this isnt right
It's so not the case
I feel like I have let the most important
People down
Like I jumped into the deep end I can't swim
I might drown.
They expect a happy healthy home
But how can you have that
With a loser for a mom who can't seem to get on track
There's so many out there looking to hire
But when I turn in my resume it seems to be set on fire then they go about thier day
Why does no one want me? Do they know I'm a loser too?
I have so much I need to work for so much I don't want to loose.
I'm driving myself crazy like who have I become
I'm afraid I'll forget how to work and everything will go all wrong
I know people love and care for me deeply, if they only knew the hate I feel just at the reflection that I see
I could be talking crazy, it could all be in my mind
I feel like no one believes me but lord knows how hard I've tried.
I guess this is the new me ill have to get use to, being told your not wanted and then ignored by all
I guess this is the valley, no one told me how hard  I would fall.

Racing thoughts, uncontrollable thoughts at that, second guessing, stress, feeling maybe to obsessed.
This is what you do to me

**** you Anxiety

Sweaty palms ,heart beating fast, hyperventilating, lips turn to blue, air feels cut off
What do I need to do?

**** you Anxiety

It looks ok from the outer view but deep inside stomachs turning, I break a sweat, feels like all eyes are opened they are studying me.

**** you Anxiety

Take your meds! Did you take your meds? call your doctor that's what he says, it's not the problem cant you see nothing helps

**** you Anxiety

I wonder how normal feels? You mean you don't get flushed? your heart doesn't ache, your whole body doesn't shake?

**** you Anxiety

I guess it just me, this is who I am ,
some pitiful stricken Anxiety lamb.

**** you Anxiety

Seasons of Change

Change is inevitable; it happens to all,
No one is exempt.
We sometimes must fall.
There are mountains we may struggle to climb,
Then the deep valleys where the vines intertwine.
It doesn't matter if you're there for the view;
It's something that everyone will stumble through.
But it's life we are living; some things you can't change.
Don't fear the long trek or the rugged terrain.
The valleys may hurt you or fill you with fear,
But don't hesitate; your loved ones are near.
Keep pushing and climbing; you'll soon reach the top.
Then once you realize upon looking down,
The trek you have been on is oh so profound.
You notice the trees, the leaves have since gone;
You wonder where time went; its kept ticking on.
For your time in the valley, you never noticed the trees;
You couldn't see the season of change in the leaves,
A Change unnoticed; as you couldn't see, with your head bowed down, looking away from above.
In this season of change, still not knowing why you were placed on this path. Some things don't add up; you can't do the math.
You never saw the beauty; it was hidden by your pain. If you keep looking back, you'll be behind in the game.
The ones who love you also care; if they weren't friends, they wouldn't be there, waiting for you and cheering you on. Giving you comfort with words oh so strong. They have your back as they lead you ahead. They travel this journey with you; not one has fled.
Just keep pushing forward, climb to the top, enjoy all the seasons as change never stops.

Darkness

Eyes close, darkness rises.
My life has thrown a surplus of surprises,

Some good, others I wish had never started.
This life I loved, once shown in bright light,
Is now covered by a solace of night.

Will the light shine back upon me again so this **** dark in my eyes can fade into oblivion

With hope and a friendly face and words that take me to a special place,
That place there, it's abundantly clear, the darkness was just my raging fear

Waves

Waves toss me against the tide,
Pushing and pulling at my sides.
I wonder and wait, will it subside?
Can this wave be but a beautiful ride?
The turmoil, the danger, the roughness at sea,
Were these waves meant only for me?

Is rescue coming? Please, hopefully soon.
Will it pull me to safety? Will it be my safe haven and refuge?

Waves, oh, so beautiful, your colors of turquoise blue and pearl white,
But waves, oh, how your danger pulls me into your riptide.

Waves, please be calm, be still, please be at peace.
Let me rest upon your still seas.