Please.
For my sake and yours too.
Don't ******* love me.
Cause I can't promise I'll love you back.
And I can't promise I won't get attached.
The only thing I can promise,
Is that it won't be fair for you.
And it'll tear me to pieces
Because one part of me
Feels bad for not loving you
Like you love me
But the other part
Doesn't want you to stop
So please.
Just don't ******* love me.
Because I've built too many walls
Around my heart
And I can't tear them down
And I'd never ask you to
So don't ask me to let down my hair
And let you in.
Don't ask me to huff and puff
And blow my walls down
Because I'm not a princess in a tower
And I'm not the big bad wolf
I'm just a broken china doll
And my pieces are jagged
And I know you'll get cut
One one of my edges
So just spare us both the pain
And don't ******* try to love me.

How do you quiet the voices inside your head? They say such ugly things. At first I didn't believe them when they told me I was worthless. I gave them the cold shoulder when they said I was ugly. I scoffed at them when they told me I was weak. But I still hear them, and they still shout at me. And the more they insist, the more I believe the things they say. So how do I quiet the yelling that I can't control and the voices I can't escape?

Someone asked me about you today. So I had to play through the story again. And it's still just as painful as the first time. So I fished out from the very back of a drawer, that bracelet you bought me. It hadn't been touched for months yet it glittered despite it's collecting dust. Kind of like how my heart swells when I hear your name, but my mind always reminds me that you left and I shove the part of my heart that still loves you farther back to continue collecting dust until someone brings you up again. But beneath that dust laced with pain and bittersweet memories, that part of my heart still shines for you. Just like that bracelet.

It's been so long, but I still remember how it feels
To sit in a stuffy classroom, clicking my heels
Because there's no place like home and I want out of my confinement
To sit endlessly and pretend to care about another mind numbing assignment
With the tap of fingernails vigorously typing out a text
Shifty eyed, watching some amateur get caught and secretly hoping you're not next
The murmur of whispered plans for the weekend
And how desperately your body craves to sleep in
Elaborate excuses planned out to explain why you forgot your essay was due
The lies are getting crazier because the teacher has heard everything that's not new
Lunch is served but the food is cold, unidentifiable, and uncooked
There's no way through the sea of gossiping teens around your locker to get your books  
Your next class is the one teacher with a voice that's a little too monotone
And then the next is the one that always thinks she hears a phone
You worth is measured by a letter
And how many times you promise to do better
It's a system that's designed to break you
But you never let anyone see how much it shakes you
And at the end of the day it's gone by hideously slow
And you dread how you have to repeat it all tomorrow.

"You mustn't fall in love with a wild thing... You can't give your heart to a wild thing - the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they're strong enough to run into the woods. Or into a tree. Then into a taller tree. Then into the sky. That's how you'll end up... If you let yourself love a wild thing... You'll end up looking at the sky."
You'll never catch me
Get too close and I'll fly away
A wild thing doesn't love
A wild thing never stays
You'll never reel me in
All you can do is watch me as I go
A wild thing can only run
A wild thing needs to grow
You'll never put me in a cage
I'm too far for you to touch
A wild thing isn't yours to keep
A wild thing is just too much
You can't tame a wild thing, so don't bother trying.
Trying to love a wild thing always ends with crying.
So please don't go prying...
Or you'll have to watch the wild thing as it goes flying.

I have a case of the Mean Reds, it seems.
I'm not sure of what, but I am deeply scared.
Maybe I'm scared that my future might not align with my dreams.
Or perhaps I'm too busy doubting myself and wondering if you ever cared.
Possibly fretting over whether love is meant to be.
If my heart will be broken more than the times it's mended.
Petrified of what the universe plans for me.
Deeply unsure of why a myriad of beautiful things in my life have ended.
Worrying over whether I am good enough.
How will I achieve what I so desperately desire?
What if I can't make it when the times get rough?
So many frightening questions that I despise to even inquire.
I've got the mean reds and I'm just not sure.
What is it I'm so scared of?
And is there a cure?

Joy is David Bowie blaring on my record player. Show tunes pouring from my speakers and my lungs. Dancing to Come on Eileen at two a.m. Getting lost in a library. How I revert to being seven every time I go to Disney World. Happiness is when my fan mail reaches my favorite broadway star and they send me a signed playbill. Breakfast for dinner. Giving to someone and asking nothing in return. Knowing every word to my favorite films. Learning new things and discovering old things. Kitty paws and fuzzy cat bellies. Getting packages in the mail. Beauty is in an old book that's been worn with someone's love of it's story. Strangers who smile at you. People talking about their passions. Museums. Owls in flight that look like mystical creatures. Fairy tales and the people who believe in them.

There's so much to smile about.