There you are
Taking my body
Into your arms
Telling me
Yes
Yes
You can
Do anything.
I breathe a sigh of relief
I am finally
Here
I
Am finally home.
Thank you
For handling me
With such care,
For covering me in sunshine,
For
So patiently
Waiting
Watching
Me grow.
I am in constant bloom.
The real beauty
Is that
You have no idea what you have done,
You
Can feel
Love strengthening your bones,
Breaking your ice.
I
Am
Your home
As well.

I could endlessly banter
About how you were
A
******* storm,
How you stole the air from my lungs,
How you drenched my heart
In a unfamiliar love,
How you wrapped me up
Under full moons
And made me howl
Into so many nights
In uncharted territories.
I could fess up
About how I can still feel the warmth of your body
Your back to mine.
But the real truth
Is
This,
You were a spineless *******,
Too afraid of my voice,
Too afraid
Of
My power.
You were a coward
Every
Time
You tried to
Break me,
Every
Time
You tried to
Make me believe
That I was beneath you;
I spit my blood in your face.
I am everything
You
Have
Ever wanted,
But my
Shine
is just
too
Bright for you.

You
Forced a kiss
In concrete city.
I
Thought
We were
Perfect.
My orange mohawk
Your fingers discovering every
Part of me
Diving
In
And
Out
I melted
In the back seat
Beneath your scrawny poisoned arms.
I thought
Maybe
I was bigger than the things I couldn’t understand
I thought
Maybe
If I loved you
If I disappeared
Became one with your shadow
That maybe
You would choose me.
I even became a contortionist.
Molding myself
Into your fantasy
Soft ******
Love affair.
But I never could get the ****** part
Quite right
I could never love her
Like you loved her.
I could never
Be
The image
You painted of me
In your head.
I am
Not that
Girl.

I am guilty
Of diving head first
Into the arms of
Broken boys.
I wrap myself around
underdeveloped hearts,
Softly stroking
Fully inflated egos,
I stretch myself thin,
This
Is love.
See?
I am barely visible
I am disappearing
Faded like the soft blue veins
Mapped out like dainty roads
Up and down
Up
And
Down
My pale moon skin.
When
You do not see me
You never ask
Where
I've gone.
This is how
I was taught to love.

I will run away
No one will ever catch me
Not even the wind will know
Which way it is that I am blowing.
I will mourn old lovers,
Dance with my drunken demons
Retching familiar promises
Once told between the thin blankets
Of a great green mountain generous moon.
I'll stash these memories
Under that bridge we loved in Salt Lake City,
Remember?
The one that kept us dry when it seemed
Like the earth just wouldn’t cut us a break.
I'll hide this ragged heart
In no man's mountain.
I'll strip this skin,
Peel gingerly back from these
Sun bleached bones,
I will be trampled by interstate stallions.
My body mangled,
Tossed to the side,
Forgotten.
That is what it takes to become untouchable.

I remember the only time I was ever loved
Under a black tar night in a cemetery
Smoking too many cigarettes ,
his hand fell into mine,
fear rolled up my back .
And I so badly wondered what it'd be like to kiss this boy
Instead I kissed adversary.
Sometimes I see that boy I never kissed
We will forever be star crossed lovers.
There isn't a cemetery
Or a perfect dusky night
That doesn’t remind me
Of the only time I ever felt loved.

I've resorted to magic
To the mysteries of the universe
To everything intangible
Just to try to rid myself of you.
No matter,
I still wake up  
Thinking of all the sunsets driving across Wyoming,
Falling asleep at abandoned rest areas,
Waking up in deep thicket.
You were by my side.
life flows on
things change,
People grow,
Together,
Apart.
I imagine getting over you is supposed to be like this grand amazing thing,
I wake up in the morning and dance in my underwear,
The sun is shining, my favorite songs play on the radio, my coffee is perfect,
Maybe my chest feels a little lighter.
But I know now
It's really like watching a profound festering wound
Sluggishly pull itself together.
I know that faint scar will just become another constellation
Connecting the freckles I religiously trace with my fingers.
You will just be a story,
Something told but repeatedly forgotten,
The bits and pieces of you staying with shards of my memory
I have been throwing away since I was 7.
I'd like to think of you as a warning,
Something i've survived,
thickened my skin,
Made me a wizened bard crowing under the moonlight.
Knowing you forced me to shake,
Rattle myself from the confines of a skin
That just wasn’t fitting anymore.
Perhaps you should be thanked,
Perhaps applauded,
You moved a ******* mountain.