some days they are sad. sad about the weather, sad about the thing that happened last night, sad about losing their favorite book, sad about their coffee being cold, sad about the fact that they can't find matching socks. lots of things make them sad, lots of nothings make them sad too. you see, when you have a predisposition for being sad, every little thing counts.  so when you ask her why she is sad and she cannot answer, do not press further. do not go looking for a reason that just isn't there. when you ask what you can do and she says nothing, do not be hurt. do not feel useless. when she wakes in the middle of the night and she is silent, but you can feel the bed shaking as she cries, do not assume you know what she is feeling. you don't. hold her if she wants it, don't touch her if she doesn't. if you ask her if she wants you to stay and she says yes, do. but if she tells you to walk away, do not listen. stay with her, because if you don't, she might not be there in the morning .

You were never perfect
But you tried
Until you couldn't try
Anymore

You were a good mother
But you lost your will
To go
On

You were full of beauty
Until your eyes
Began to sink
In

You were slowly dying, from the inside out.
You couldn't handle the pain.
You were engulfed with guilt.
And I imagine you laying on the bathroom floor, staring at the walls as they cave in on you.
Trying to grab you so you hurry
You take the bottle in your hand
And swallow down every pill
You slowly drift off to wonderland

You were wonderful
But you were
Sick

Your mind wasn't in the right place
It never had been
And I knew that

So why now am I feeling guilty
I couldn't have changed your mind
You wanted to die
So you did.


Die.

i've forgotten your
scent, and soon
enough, i will forget
the way you made me feel when you
Kissed me
And how you would run your fingers down my arms ever so gently
I'll forget the way you told me I was your little piece of perfection
And the subtle way you would say "I love you"    
I'll soon forget everything
for you,
have already
forgotten me.

Magnets;
lock and key;
and, the unsubtle,
bolt
and *****.
These are things that collide harmoniously and do not dispute

We are not such an archaic, mechanized metaphorical construct.

I feel us as primal,
torrid decadence;
a deliberate impassioned vulnerability:
an animalistic exposé.

Unfocused, infinite black holes
expanding
to be lost within

Quivering circle of solicitous, engorged fuchsia
steaming harsh,
needy
attempts of oxygen recovery

Soft powder snow
melting over olive tree trunks,

quaking with endless echoes resonating from beyond the hills above

A thunderous harbinger centers chaos,
rampaging gust-like vibration through taut roots,

a volcanic eruption.
Lava geyser

blazing till all energy
enthralls the earth.

What I see for us is a metaphor in nature.
I will be the seismic activity
and you
will dance above me.

Your world will collapse against me

in my relentless motions.

And when you stand again,
I will bring you to
your knees

in my aftershock
and show you strength that will move you mountains.

We are critical.

We find flaws in
everything we see
because nobody
wants to write
about perfection,
even though sometimes
we wish we could just stay
staring into that
unblemished surface.

2. We are never satisfied.

We live our lives upon
mountains of
scrunched up
bits of refill and
ideas we gave up
trying to
express.

3. We never forget.

We write words about
eye contact made
three months ago
that we replay over
and over in our minds
even though it
stopped
being relevant.

4. We are fickle.**

Our emotions flash
from one
to the other
like strobe lighting that
disorientates us
until we feel as if
the world
will never be still.

5. We are exposed.

We don't know how
to keep our feelings
to ourselves so
we'll write them
down for
you to find
'accidentally'.

6. We are vulnerable.

We wear our
hearts on our sleeves
and won't lift a
muscle to fight back
if somebody tries
to break it
because we thrive
from the pain.

7. We will never stop.

We will never stop
feeling and
we will never stop
hurting,
we will never stop
breaking and
bleeding and
loving
even though the cycle
is endless
and we know what's
coming next.


We are addicted
to agony,
but we agonise
for the art.

I imagine her to be laying in a bed of sun flowers
Or walking gracefully through a field of tall grass
While the Suns setting
She's sitting under a willow tree
Smiling at me
her hazel green eyes glisten with the Suns reflection
I imagine her in this place
A happy place
So that this does not strike the match in my heart
And reignite the pain