Thoughtless phrasing for shallow trouble; you know nothing of the gravity of life.

Sarcasm, does not become you.

How did we get here
where vitamin water turned into ***** and the power of innocence changed to the courage of
alcohol. The boys no longer opening car doors and the girls trading in t-shirts for crop tops that show off
what they were or weren’t wearing.
Where sneaking a soda after dinner turned into hiding a flask at the family party where we used to play games
like hip-scotch and dodge ball instead of drinking hard whisky and Jack.
The promises made in the D.A.R.E. program about not doing drugs or drinking
were traded in for drunk driving and “just one hit.”
How did we get here
where grape juice turned into white wine and a nervous kiss under the bleachers
at the Friday football game moved to steaming up the windows in the back seat of that car
at the party on Saturday night.
The knocking on your neighbor’s door for them to come out and play moved to texting
in the driveway and hanging out means sitting on your phone
while sitting on the couch next to someone else.
How did we get here,
where root beer turned to Busch lite and being home before dark
switched to struggling to be home before the sun came up.
The parents not knowing their innocent children are making children and kids being too drunk to remember
they promised to go to Church on Sunday morning.
Where asking for forgiveness overpowered asking for permission and sorrys turned into whiskey shots
and make up ***.
How did we get here
with a drink in one hand and the other around my waist while you lean into me too drunk
to stand on your own.
This is the first time we’ve spoken since that day last June and I can’t help but notice why.
How did we get here
where the power of innocence changed to the courage from alcohol?

I rest in the arms of myself. I've spent the last years of my childhood in the arms of the wrong person, and I have had no regrets leaving. The meaning of love have changed places with lust and strong emotions. Now I'm on a journey to search for myself before I trust anyone to hold what I've been protecting for so long. Love should be shared for one to know and the other to learn. The meaning of love is everlasting and never quaking in fear. Love is what I'm looking for. If I find it in myself then maybe one day I can share it with someone who will hold it with pure intentions. I'm sorry for those I've hurt, but you weren't the one. Take this time to be yourself before jumping into the arms of a stranger. Life is too complicated to make guesses. Be strong and hold out, for life has many hidden secrets and strong paths for you to walk. Don't fear what could be, fear what you've seen and tread this path heavily. Falling isn't the worst to happen, the worst to happen is to not walk any path because of fear.

Living
its just a chore without you.
Living
is something I have to do just to see you again.
Living**
Isn't being alive without you.

I watched you write me love notes,
Appreciating the way you loop your y's
And the cursive that looks like graphite smoke
On an untouched canvas

The way you hold your hand is elegant,
Every movement fine, performed with grace
And you mutter what you're writing
Just to make sure it sounds perfect.

Sometimes, you scribe little poems outside the margin
Sweetness dripping like honey off tongues,
Enraptured by your words, spellbound
I'll fall into you

I'm sorry that I cry a lot
and that my hands are too cold to hold.
I'm sorry that I get so sad that all I do is sleep.
I'm sorry that I stay up for 3 days straight sometimes.
I'm sorry that some days I just can't eat and all I do is drink water.
I'm sorry that I cry a lot and that I'm such a *****.
I'm sorry that I won't let my wounds close and that I pick at the scabs.
I'm so sorry that I avoid leaving the house because I can't stand the thought of socializing.
I'm sorry I can't pay for your gas when you drive me places.
I'm sorry I can't get a job because I smoke when I get sad.
I'm sorry for begging for ***** as a present.
I'm sorry if the nightlight keeps you from sleeping.
I'm sorry I stood in the middle of the street when I saw a car coming towards me
and I'm sorry you had to pull me out of the way.
I'm sorry I **** at writing and won't show you what I wrote.
I'm sorry I won't tell you how I feel and whats going on in my head.
I'm sorry that I can't make you feel better when you're down.
I'm sorry that I would steal things I didn't need from stores I didn't like.
I'm sorry I punched the wall multiple times when I thought about you.
I'm sorry that I refuse to see a therapist.
I'm sorry I shower with all the hot water.
I'm sorry that I say "what if..." so much.
I'm so sorry that I exist.
*I'm so ******* sorry that I exist.