it feels like it was all synthetic
honesty doesn't exist without substance
or substances in my reality
grind it up and smoke it to settle my anxiety
back then I was more of a ******* party
sky dancing with mary and lucy
absolutely
how could I not be
not sure if I learned what it means to be a friend at that party
or the one after that
it's as if I want to hit rock bottom
give this misery I'm feeling a little more meaning
communicating it to the people around me isn't happening
why am I so afraid to say it clearly...
that I'm not happy
I can't concentrate on ****
they call it attention deficit
and I just wanna get it
but I'm chasing butterflies
and forgetting about it
I'm tired of being so cynical,
thinking everything is a cliche
I've made myself this way
spending too much time alone
same ****
do ****
remember why you came here
pick up your broom *****
be a bad witch

Not in a disrespectful way
Nor to hurt you feelings.
To explain so simply
Can sound mean or taken the wrong way.  How I make things clear to you is only how it was installed into me.
Blunt
To the Point
Non-Sugar-Coated
Emotionless
And Honest

You're a dream
That crawled into my bed
And never came true

You're a laugh
          About to burst into tears

What you are
          Is vague
                And beautiful

Having Depression is like finding out that mermaids are real
It doesn’t make sense to you until you’re getting dragged to the bottom of the ocean
And then you think
Oh
That’s what this is
And I’m drowning now,
That’s just……… great
And eventually, with your last vestiges of breath left
You float back to the surface
And you’re fine.
And that’s it.
Mermaids stop existing again.
Because you never actually saw what grabbed you
You only felt the claws around your leg
The cold, clammy hands tugging
With a force that you could never fight against
But you never saw her
So it was all a dream
Right?
And it happens again and again
You are drowning again and again
Until the water begins to feel like home
And the only thing reminding you that you are alive
Is the burning in your lungs
And when everything you had balanced so very carefully starts falling
Off the shelves of your life
When your “mild” depression starts deciding it wants to be more
When being alone makes you feel dead inside
And when losing your cool for one ******* second makes you contemplate your own demise
When do you admit to yourself that you are slipping
You are sinking and just because you can slow your descent
Does not mean that you’re not still drowning
And at the end of the day just because it took you longer to get there this time
Doesn’t mean you aren’t still lying on the ocean floor
Devoid of light and sound
And if you had just climbed onto that now distant boat and sailed away
You’d be fine.
But climbing was too hard
And sinking is so much easier
And you’re scared that if you reach out
Your hands will feel clammy and cold
As they wrap around your friends throats
And drag them down with you
And you would rather rot at the bottom of an endless sea
Than let that happen
So you lie in darkness and wait
For a sound
The singular resounding sound
Of failure
And you slowly float back to the surface
Take a deep breath
And you’re fine.
Because mermaids aren’t real
It’s all in your head

The probability of me being improbable is highly definite.
The statistical occurrence of randomness
Is proportional to the flow of consciousness.

they say that eyes are the window to the soul and if thats so why do we hide them as to not let them show we dip are head and dont make contact. souls connect contract and become compact smoothing and soothing windows to the soul. the eye is beautiful true but to few its a weapon bent on harming you. some eyes attack at your mind tricking you over time into keeping a calm peace of mind until its time to strike you. these eyes can leave you battered and bruised all kinds of abused and feeling used. if i look at the soul and see something artificial in those holes that are the so called souls we need to see not with are eyes but are minds or we will be blind and leave are hearts behind.