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 Mar 2015 Lottie Charman
yasmine
i want to scrub my skin so hard that
every single cell you've ever touched of me comes off
erase your number and all our pictures
unfriend you and never see your face
you had a place in my heart
and i would have broken every single bone in my body
just to fix every single piece of you

my throat is raw and hoarse whenever i say your name
you're like salt water that makes me gag
trigger my senses and i cannot stand you
i hate your face and all that you stand for
i deserved better and i loved you with all my heart
you knew that and you took advantage

i hate you so much
you took all the love in my heart
i opened up and you made yourself
the ink in my unwritten book

you are the definition of all that i cannot stand
and i want to thank you for teaching me that
i deserve better than how low you put me
There always Is
Imagine
Impeccable Space
Poetess
The sun is shining and I have yet to go out
I look murky, black
whining
Translating
Tears of laughter
to despair
To laughter
Into ha ha s

Night into day
I am constantly tearing apart my insides to search for any sign of life that is still left breathing
I've always hated winter
But the beauty of this snowfall
Made me love this winter wonderland
I am a snowflake whirling fast towards the ground
my final resting place.
As I fall people notice me
but seldom see my individuality.
Being like no other
I stand out
yet, not enough to be admired for long.
Anxiety
Controlling my everyday life
Anxiety
Taking my heart and throwing it against the wall
Anxiety
Wrapping around in my head to consume my thoughts
Anxiety
Crying and screaming against my throat
Anxiety
Crashing and thrashing its way into my body making me shudder
When theres a knock at the door
Anxiety
Lighting fires to my insides
Anxiety
Making my hands shake so someone will notice im unbalanced
Anxiety
Life ***** and I want to leave this place people call home, because no where is home anymore and I cant feel safe unless I am free
Not a smile
Not even a glance.
Do I even exist?
I don't know anymore...
I guess in all
The chaos
I just...forgot to be
I forgot
What it's like
To exist.
I want to be real again.
I want to be
Their screams and laughter
Echo 'round me
Piercing my eardrums
Ebbing like an unseen ocean
Quiet
Loud
Quiet
Loud
But alone I sit
At my own table
The memory of how to live
Gradually slipping like water
From my cold
Dead
Fingers
It's all gone.
I can't remember...
I can't remember!
People I once knew
Places I went
All gone
Like stars.
Also like stars
I am here-I know I am-but no one
Can
See
Me.
All the time I watch them live
But all the time
I don't exist
I want to be here
In the existence I can only brush
with my ghostly pale fingers
But never truly touch
Because now
In this sick reality,
That's all I really am:
A ghost.
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and whispering in my ears
that i was not good enough
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and calling me sweetheart
and putting his hands all over me
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and watching me while i cry
about how i miss you
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and laying in bed with me
keeping me from closing my eyes
please tell your ghost to stop following me
if i can't have you
then i don't want your
ghost
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