How I describe myself.

Back fat.
Muffin top.
Flabby arms.
Thunder thighs.
Double chin.
Ugly.
Four rolls.
Worthless.
Jelly belly.
Gross.
FAT.

How others describe me.*

Funny.
Outgoing.
Warm.
Comforting.
FUN.

The list isn't nearly as long, now is it?

Here I am staring in the mirror
Looking at what couldn't be clearer
I feel disgust and anger when I look
But I was thinking a bullet was all it took
To end a long life time of pain and sorrow
Maybe there would be no tomorrow
...At least for me that is.....

and despite all the people who say i am enough
i can't help but feel like i'm not
because that B on my report card
looks like an F
and this poem is just useless words
typed up on a computer
and ****
i should not be this jealous of my best and only friends
but their talents constantly outshine mine
and im left to feel like a rock in a sea of diamonds
-lxs

In an empty room
Filled with water
There I fall
Letting gravity do its job
As my hair rises
So does the self hate
As body lowers
So does my hope
As the pain in my chest becomes tight
I cannot help to feel lost
The water continues to boil
Filling myself with nothing
As the pain grows
So my forgiveness
As my tears float up
So do I

I am enough**



…



aren't I?

Take off my lipstick
It makes me feel slutty
Rub off my eyeliner
Ill never be pretty

Change into pajamas
And then lay in bed
Pretend your cuddling with me
You cant take back the words you said

Those ugly words hurt
And they proved me right
Im not special just like I thought
But it still hurts that you want me out of your sight

Will i ever get to know
What about me is so bad
I try my best at everything
Is it cause im easily sad?

You think I dont know all my flaws?
They repeat in my head all the time
So you dont have to point them out
Id be lying if I said I was fine