In a crowded room
I look down at the floor
I close my eyes and all is no more
I'm swept away
To a world of my own
Only me here,
I'm back in my zone
I don't have to worry
About people or things
I drown out the chatter
That anxiety brings
But all too soon my
misted mirror must fade
I'm out of my mind
And back to the charade.

we were just small children so we didn’t quite understand what father meant when he said

“mother is sad”

we continued our games and make believe stories and waited for mother to be happy

and when we were young, sad just meant someone stepped on your picture

or they ruined your sand castle


and in 2 seconds it was over

the deeper I fall into my depression I find my mother
I find her ghouls and her ghosts
her corpses

I find her dark eyes in my dark eyes every time I look in the mirror
and I find her hatred for everything, including me

I find new ways to torture myself
my mother

“you have your mothers eyes”


we also have the same disease

the only difference is, her demons won
mine don’t stand a chance

to be honest
i'm not sure what we were
these memories are flooding my head
and there's so much i want to say
so much i want to know

do you miss me
do you see me and feel your heart ache
do you think about me before you drift off to sleep
do you you get high to forget me
or does this all not matter

i miss you more than i should
seeing you and knowing you arent mine makes me sick to my stomach
you're the first and last thought to cross my mind every day
i've tried to get high in as many ways as possible to keep my mind away from you
this all matters too much, i shouldn't feel this much

to be honest
i can't stop thinking about what we were
and if you're thinking about it too

s.s

I can’t stop
The pain and I
Just want to be on top
But no reply

All that happens is a hug
And meaningless actions
Might as well be a shrug
I guess there was no taction

Why won’t the thought of you
Just get out of my head
Please you need to
Leave and go somewhere else instead